Mallory's MindSay Blog

Like a virgin....

chasemm — 2004-09-23T02:09:33-05:00

Well I must say this blog thing is really really addicting!! I started reading my boyfriends everyday and I couldn't stop, so I decided to do one myself. :) My first entry was not very good, so I deleted it to make a better one. Has anyone every taken a physics class?? If you haven't... don't ever ever take one, they are utter and complete hell! But thats all I have to say about that. I have recently been discussing piercings and tattoos with my bf and of course being the male he is wants me to get a clit piercing! Yes I said CLIT! Clitoris! And quite frankly it sounds so f-ing painful and uncomfortable, but on the other hand I have heard they make your sex life great with your partner.....and with yourself. ;) So now I am actually contemplating it! Damn you Benjamin!!(I love you anyway) O, and for those of you thinking that if I do get it you think I will post a picture....ummmm let me think about that one.......NO. Only two sets of eyes will be seeing that. Of course it will take me years just to get enough guts to actually do it. So we shall see. Another thing I am also contemplating is studying abroad again...this time in Mexico. I studied this past spring in Costa Rica, which was so incredibly wonderful I would go back in a heartbeat(if I had the money, which I don't) It is really a tough decision money wise and if I actually want to go to the country. So that is something I have to decide by March of 2005, which is really soon. Why is life so damn complicated. Well I have written enough. Just one more thing, last night I talked to Ben for 2 and a half hours on a online telephone, which was a lot of fun. It actually felt like we were just hanging out, but we weren't together. I just wanted to say that it is really nice to be dating someone who you can just chill with and have a good time with. In fact those are my favorite times with him is when we are just hanging out. well now i am done. i have a shit load of homework to do as always...Adios

hmmm....

chasemm — 2004-09-23T03:09:56-05:00

Did you know that Issac Newton invented Calculus?? See this is what you could learn if you took a physics class!! Exciting huh?

some stuff....

chasemm — 2004-09-23T11:09:46-05:00

So today was very interesting and fun. I had some classes and got to go discuss with my spanish advisor A) what a capston is(cuz I am special and didn't know) and B) what I have to do and when. So i have to give a 20 minutes speech, in spanish, about a particular topic in business to a bunch of students and professors. by the way, i am a double major in Marketing and Spanish for Business, so my speech has to be business related. It actually sounds like a lot of fun, so I am excited. Also I am in a organization called WMMA(Wisconsin Management and Marketing Association) And I am an officer!! I am so pumped! I am the historian, who is the one who takes all the pictures at all the functions and kind of scrapbooks them to show other people who want to join, or to just have them as kind of a log of what we have done. So that is super for me. Well I am extremely tired, off to bed soon! Adios!

a song....or two

chasemm — 2004-09-25T12:09:13-05:00

So I was listening to Josh Groban while writing my speech and I decided to post one of my favorite songs of his. If you have never heard Josh, you should, he has the most gorgeous voice alive and every song he sings will give you chills.

"When You Say You Love Me"( This is how Ben makes me feel)

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

Oh wait, one more set of lyrics, becaus I like this song too, its Alicia Keys...

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

The most wonderful man in the world!!

chasemm — 2004-09-25T01:09:36-05:00

So my boyfriend Ben who can make me melt at a drop of a hat is so incredibly wonderful!! This whole week I have missed you so much!! I definately needed a Ben hug about 40 times this week. Friday I was especially lonely and talking to you on the phone did make me feel a lot better, but I needed more. Somedays its nice having my own freedom and to live so far away, but other days I just want to be with you and I can't. Its so hard, but I know our love is strong enough that we will be fine. I love you so much and you are my soulmate, no one else can make me feel the way you do and we are going to have a kick ass life together!!

LOVE YOU!!

a survey

chasemm — 2004-09-26T10:09:58-05:00

Got this from ben, who got it from someone else....

Three Things!

03 | Elise, Kellie and Susan.

THREE THINGS I LOVE:

01 | Benjamin Robert Ganzel

03 | Let someone love me, as hard as that is sometimes, because I am scared to get hurt.

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:

01 | LOUD

02 | Laid back

03 | Funny

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:

01 | Math

02 | Lie

03 | Drink a lot( i am a pussy)

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:

01 | Yourself

02 | Josh Groban

03 | Alicia Keys and Evenesance

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:

01 | George W. Bush

02 | Country music(even though I like some, but not most)

03 | People you don't trust

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:

01 | seriously

02 | fuck

ouch...

chasemm — 2004-09-26T05:09:01-05:00

So I played rugby today and totally fucked up my back. Now I will live, but I really need a massage. It hurts so bad when I move a certain way, it really sucks. I called into work today, even though I probably could have gone, I just didn't want to go. there is a whole 21 dollars down the drain. Oh well. I have too much homework to do anyway. School is getting so annoying and busy. I am just starting to get overwhelmed. But I will pull through and work hard, because I want to get good grades. I have to!! Well I have been away from homework long enough. Adios.

whew...

chasemm — 2004-09-27T01:09:37-05:00

So I got through my speech today, I don't think it was A worthy, because she said I should have said my intro a little differently, but hey, all the other speeches are worth more, so I can do better on those. I am so excited for 4:30 today, because I have a massage, a one hour massage scehduled and I can't wait. As I said yesterday, I did something to my back playing rugby and it is awful. I can't brush my hair without my back hurting. Its quite annoying. I don't think it is serious. I think I just have a humongous knot in my back and most of my back is really really sore. It is going to feel really good. And its only 30 bucks, not bad for a one hour massage. I wish I had a major that didn't require so much god damn homework. I feel like thats all I do is homework, its really quite sad, but what can you do. Its only like 4 to 5 years of your life. I know my life after that will be much more challenging, so I should enjoy it.....I guess??? I am pretty sure I found a ride to go see Ben this weekend, which I am excited about!! :) Well nothing else really going on. My life is pretty boring right now, sadly enough.

oh yes....

chasemm — 2004-09-27T06:09:25-05:00

So I just got back from a full body massage...it was fantabulous!! I am so relaxed right now its not even funny. Too bad I have to work yet tonight, but he said I would sleep really well, so that is nice. I do still have that pain in my back, but he showed me some things to do and strecthes, so if it doesn't get better within the week, unfortunately I will have to go to the doctor. poopy :( I do feel a lot better though, and I am glad I did it. I totally recommend anybody, especially if you go to college, to go to your wellness center or Gym on campus and see what they have to offer. They are usually pretty cheap. It felt great, though Benjamin, I did have a guy oil me up and massage me, and he even massaged my butt!!(but it was through the blanket,:) ) Don't worry though, he is about 50 to 60 years old. haha love ya! Butt<--(hehe) seriously it was great and everyone should get one. It helps you sleep......well i have to go, homework calls again, gotta love school and the 3 tests I have this week.

the day...

chasemm — 2004-09-28T08:09:26-05:00

So my day has been fantastic( I say that with as much enthusiasm as I can muster) I have been studying all day for my physics test tommorow, seriously pray for me, I need it. My other 2 test shouldn't be too hard if I just look over the material and review, but this physics test is going to be hard. I guess all I can do is study my hardest and do my best. Its not like I am a physics major. :) Other than that I had a APO meeting today, which is a fraternity that is co-ed. They do a lot of community service projects and stuff. Its a good time. Now I am off to study more physics and I get to go to a night lab tonight at 9 and look at the stars. Could be interesting. Well yea i am done.

the week is almost over..

chasemm — 2004-09-30T10:09:34-05:00

So I want this week to be over!! 2 tests down, 1 more to go. I wish it was all over. I am happy that I am going home this weekend, even though there will be plenty going on this weekend(Homecoming) The big benefit is being able to see Ben, :) Life is ok, some family problems which I really don't want to talk about. I just wish things could be better, I just can't handle all that stress. I wish i wasn't the type of person that takes on other peoples stress and problems, but I do, which makes me a complete mess. Well i am in my physics lab, gotta go.

When poor wording happens to good people....

chasemm — 2004-09-30T07:09:53-05:00

I'll set up the scene for you.. My roomate and I were getting food at Taco Bell today and I ordered first. Now I don't like a certain sauce so I had to enlighten the Taco Bell workers about how I don't like onions(which are in the sauce). My roomate was like "Mal, they don't care, now everyone knows you hate onions" So right after that she says to the guy "Ok, so I am easy" Now that is funny. Of course she realized that sounded really really out of context and proceded to feel stupid. This is an example of how poor wording happens to good people. If you have any "When poor wording happens to good people" Hit Digame and let me know. :)

going home....sort of

chasemm — 2004-10-01T08:10:34-05:00

Hey I am going home for the weekend to see Ben, I am so excited!! Won't be back until Sunday. adios!

ahhh.... :)

chasemm — 2004-10-04T12:10:30-05:00

Oh yea!! I am back at Eau Claire, doing homework as usual, but I don't have any tests this week, which makes my life much better. I had a great weekend chillin with Benjamin!! It was a great way to end the week, just relax. :) Other than that, nothing to report. OH, I heard this song on my way home with my friend, because she makes me listen to country and I liked the lyrics a lot. Well really only the chorus, obviously a guy sings this, but I still like it.

Going out of my mind these days,
Like I’m walkin ’round in a haze,
I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate,
And I need to shave.

I go to work and I look tired,
The boss man said son you gona get fired,
This ain’t your style, and behind my coffee cup,
I just smile.

Chorus
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do.
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in, cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love.
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in. (ah ah)

This morning put salt in my coffee
I put my shoes on the wrong feet
I’m loosen my mind I swear, it might be the death of me, but I don’t care.

Chorus

Bridge
Is it your eyes,
Is it your smile.
All I know is that
Your driven me wild.

a quick note...

chasemm — 2004-10-05T09:10:00-05:00

Hey all, yesterday was ok, nothing much happened. Found out I got a C on my physics test which is a reliefe, because I had no idea what I was doing. :) On the other hand I found out my bcom test grade and I pretty much bombed that one, not very happy, but whats done is done. I am just going to have to work harder. :) Well i will write more later...adios

can't write poetry..

chasemm — 2004-10-05T04:10:57-05:00

So I am not bad at writing poetry, I just don't very often, so I use songs to express how I am feeling...

grrrrrr..

chasemm — 2004-10-06T01:10:14-05:00

I am in such a bad mood its not even funny. My teachers piled homework on me today that is all due on friday and I am so stressed out, because I don't have a lot of time to do it. Plus I am going home this weekend, which doesn't give me time to do anything. I wish life could be a little less stressful, but I guess I chose this, so I shouldn't complain. I know there are other people out there whose lives are way worse, so it makes me appreciate what I do have. well i have so much to do, adios.

much better...

chasemm — 2004-10-06T10:10:58-05:00

So I am in a way better mood than I was 5 hours ago!! I really don't know why. I think because at work I was giving myself a pep talk and told myself to chill out and it actually worked. I just got back from having taco salads with the girls, it was nice to have a little fun. Plus the dinner was awesome, and we got chocolate cake!! mmmmm. Well I need to do some more physics homework so i can ask questions tommorow. later. adios

hehe..

chasemm — 2004-10-08T12:10:18-05:00

So i went to a party tonight. It was a lot of fun. It was a grafiti party which are always a lot of fun and it was. I wish I could have stayed and partied more, but I have class tommorow and some homework to do. Nothing happened today really truly eventful today, so i am going to finish packing, because I am going home tommorow.... yea!! I get to try golfing on saturday, pretty sure that is going to be funny, but hey ya never know. well gotta go. adios!

going home..

chasemm — 2004-10-08T08:10:29-05:00

i am going home to relax and see ben!!!adios

back in EC..

chasemm — 2004-10-10T09:10:47-05:00

So I got back today from home. It was a good time. I am in such a good mood because I accomplished something spectacular on Saturday night!! But I can't say it...only one person knows and it made me feel so good you have no Idea. I seriously had lost all hope and was starting to get really upset, now I am ready to go and I can't wait until I get to do it again!! :) Other than that just hung out with some friends this weekend. I got to go golfing which was pathetic, but I had a few good drives and stuff. I thought I did pretty good for it being my second time golfing ever!! I got to see my sister be crowning couple at her homecoming too. She was so pretty!!! She is growing up and soon will be in college, I feel so old!!! Well I have some homework to do....wait when don't I have homework to do???? :) adios

another day another dollar

chasemm — 2004-10-12T01:10:33-05:00

So work was a freakin blast!! I would talk more, but I am tired and need to go to bed, I will write more tommorow.

hmmmm....

chasemm — 2004-10-12T12:10:20-05:00

So I guess I can talk about yesterday, which was so freakin exciting.(lots of sarcasm) I pretty much did homework from 12 pm to about 6pm, but I got a lot accomplished so that made me feel better. Today I went to talk to some teachers about my not so great tests that I took and I realized that I may never be good at accounting and thats ok. My teacher even told me that since accounting isn't my major that maybe "If I know that working my ass off will only get me a C, why not just work a little less and still get a C?" And she is right, I am not an accounting major and I only have one more Accounting class to take, so why not concentrate on more important classes. Of course, I will still probably work my ass off anyway, but still its nice to know that it really isn't a big deal. Today I will spend most of it doing homework, but thats ok because what else is there to do?? Well I am going to stop talking now, because one, I am hungry, two I have nothing more to say and actually could type on and on about nothing and you don't want that. :) adios.

YEA....

chasemm — 2004-10-14T09:10:36-05:00

so yesterday went by so fast, because I was so busy. I feel like it will never end!! I do all this stuff to get ahead and then more piles on. I must say though, doing your homework ahead of time is a great thing. You can go and ask questions and then you don't have to worry about it the night before, its great. You know I just realized that alll i ever write about is homework and school!! Well thats all I really do sadly enough...OH I have to remember my money, cuz they are selling breast cancer pins and they have really cool shirts that I am gonna buy. Shirts are only $6, not bad. I get to cook quesedillas today for Spanish club, it should be a good time. Well I gotta get ready for class... woo woo.

adios

something I thought of...

chasemm — 2004-10-14T05:10:23-05:00

ANYTHING WORTH HAVING REQUIRES HARD WORK.

my boy..

chasemm — 2004-10-16T12:10:49-05:00

SO AT 3AM LAST NIGHT MY CELL PHONE RINGS AND ITS MY BOYFRIEND. I CALLED HIM BACK BECAUSE HE NEVER CALLS ME WHEN HE IS DRUNK, SO I KNEW IT WAS IMPORTANT. I WAS TOLD THAT MY HIGHSCHOOL FRIEND IS A BITCH AND DIDN'T CALL US ABOUT A PARTY BEN AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO. BEN FOUND OUT FROM THE GUY WHO WAS HAVING THE PARTY. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO FUN, BECAUSE IT WAS ALL THE PEOPLE FROM HIGHSCHOOL AND I REALLY WANTED TO SEE ALL OF THEM. I AM GOING TO CALL MY FRIEND AND ASK HER, SHE BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE AND I MEAN A DAMN GOOD ONE. OTHER THAN THAT I PRETTY MUCH LISTENED TO BEN TALK FOR AN HOUR, WHICH WAS SO GREAT BECAUSE HE IS SO SWEET, LOVING, NICE AND SO OPEN WHEN HE IS DRUNK. THE WAY HE TREATS HIS FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY THE GIRLS IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE!! I SERIOUSLY WANTED TO DRIVE OVER TO POINT AND FUCK HIM ON THE SPOT! HE SO GREAT AND I AM REALLY GLAD THAT I AM THE ONE HE SAYS "I LOVE YOU" TO BECAUSE I KNOW THAT HE REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT ME A LOT AND LOVES ME WITH ALL HIS HEART. THAT MAKES ME SMILE. :) WELL I GOTTA GO DO LAUNDRY AND CLEAN MY ROOM ITS SO FREAKIN NASTY! ADIOS.

mmmmm...

chasemm — 2004-10-17T10:10:16-05:00

so seriously i just had the most amazing meal ever!! My friend susan made chicken, pasta and red sauce. So freakin amazing!!! Then we had cinnamon roles for dessert. mmmmm creamy and gooey. also, Yesterday i went shopping, bad idea!! I bought some stuff and even though i got really really good deals, i feel really bad, because I am never going to get a car at this rate. :( So hopefully i can curb spending for the next couple months and try to be cheap with christmas. :) Today was busy doind all the freakin homework that my teachers decided to pile on me. Lord, but this week I really don't have much to do besides a accounting test on Friday. I am relieved!! Oh last night I finally got to watch star wars episode 6, it was great. Those movies get better every time. Well im done talking. adios

weird....

chasemm — 2004-10-19T04:10:25-05:00

So I had this strange feeling of guilt last night at work, it was really strange. I don't know why I would feel guilty I haven't done anything. hmmm? Anyway, I also realized yesterday how much I miss my family. I just miss being around them and I am looking forward to Nov. 13 when they come and visit me!! It should be a good time. :) Today was fun. I volunteered at the blood drive on campus for about 2 hours. I got to talk to people why the nurses pricked them with the needle!! Needless to say I was "moral support", even though sometimes I said the wrong things and made people more nervous, i wish sometimes i would just shut-up!! Other than that I have been in the library for the last 3 hours preparing for my accounting test on Friday, its going to be a fun and exciting test. At least when I am done I get to see Ben, yea!! Well I gotta go, I am meeting my friend to go look at some more houses, hopefully there nice, cuz there cheap!! adios!

ummm...

chasemm — 2004-10-21T08:10:25-05:00

So I had a meeting today and we took pictures and I went to walgreens and printed them. I look so fat. Ok, I know what you are thinking, that is such a girlie thing to say, but it is true, I really look unhealthy. I do love the way I am, but I know that I should be healthier, I dont feel healthy at all. So I am starting to eat better and do some exercising next week, hopefully I stick to it. Well gotta go, I am gonna be gone for the weekend, visiting my wonderful boyfriend!! yea, adios!

woo woo

chasemm — 2004-10-22T08:10:06-05:00

So today I have to conquer my accounting test and then I am home free!! Today I get to leave to go see Ben!! I am really excited to see him, 2 weeks is a long time, sad. Well everyone have a good weekend!! adios.

one more thing...I am going to hell for sure....

chasemm — 2004-10-22T01:10:52-05:00

So today I picked up my check and went to cash it. I asked the girl to give me 10's and 5's and she started counting out the money. Now my check was $59(yea i know not that much) and so she started counting, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, 69...So i grabbed the money and left....after a few seconds I realized, wait a second, my check was $59!! So I was like, shoud I go back??? So yea, I didn't go back and I kep the extra 10, I feel really bad, and that is something I usually don't do, but I am broke and its really hard to just give it back....I really think I am going to hell.

an answer to a question...

chasemm — 2004-10-24T09:10:43-05:00

So I heard this song and it really reminded me of a certain person and a certain question "he" asked me on friday. I really especially like the chorus...

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can?t relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

And you're still here
And you're still here...

why are people stupid?

chasemm — 2004-10-25T08:10:22-05:00

because some idiot decided to drive drunk, a really awesome person is dead now. Something like this shouldn't happen and to all of you out there, don't be an idiot.

mental break down..

chasemm — 2004-10-27T05:10:57-05:00

So this week has been awful. It wasn't supposed to be a bad week with school, but with the tragedy with my friend kevin, it is now. I got out of my classes for friday so I get to go to the wake and the funeral. I have had so many breakdowns this week, i am just so overwhelmed!! I feel like the more work I do the farther behind I become and on top of that, everytime I think of Kevin I just want to cry. It just isn't fair and I feel like I am going to crumble any minute. I wish life would just let me breath for just a minute. I have so many people who love me, but on the other hand I feel so alone, I just really need this weekend to relax and see my family and the love of my life, ben. I think I will be much better. But anyway, I need to go to work. yea for me. adios.

god is crying today.....

chasemm — 2004-10-28T02:10:20-05:00

So today I will be paying my last respects to my friend Kevin. I want to go, but yet I am not looking forward to it. I have been trying not to think about his death this past week and now I will have to face it. He was a great guy and he will be missed. adios.

Rest in Peace Kevin: 1984-2004

read...

chasemm — 2004-10-28T03:10:13-05:00

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

something to live by....

chasemm — 2004-10-31T04:10:29-05:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

~Leeann Womack~ "Hope You Dance"

my weekend

chasemm — 2004-11-01T06:11:13-05:00

So this weekend was good. I went to my friends wake and funeral and I am a little better knowing he is resting in peace. It was an emotional draining 2 days and I can't imagine what his family is going through. After all that I spent some time with my family and ben. I got to go hunting on saturday and it was fuckin awesome!! After all the stress last week, shooting a gun was so a stress reliever! I actually shot a pheasant too, with the help of my boyfriend. Couples that kill(birds) together stay together!! haha, ok I am done. Anyway, then I got to go to dinner with his parents and it was really nice and a lot of fun. I got tipsy on one little glass of wine, how sad! Then i got to hang out with ben the rest of the night. It was a nice weekend, its always nice to spend time with the boy. Thank god this week won't be that bad. well gotta go, adios

Vote or Die...Bitch!!

chasemm — 2004-11-02T12:11:41-05:00

So today I waited about an hour in line to vote, which wasn't too bad. I was just happy to see that so many people were voting. I really think that its going to be a record high for voting this year, especially with people who are between the ages of 18-24. I really feel like I did something and I am really glad I voted. Also On another note

My horoscope, according to The Onion is: Aquarius: All your money problems will be solved when an out-of-control armored car hurtles down your street, but not in a fashion you'll consider ideal.

Thought That was a good horoscope. :) Have a great day and remember,

VOTE!!! adios.

a sad day...

chasemm — 2004-11-03T01:11:39-05:00

Well I guess it goes to show you how many morons we have in this country!! Its so sad that people, especially students, could vote for bush. Have you not noticed that your tuition has gone up 32% in the last 4 yrs!! FUCKIN HELLO!! I am so freakin pissed off right now its not even funny. I don't even want to graduate, because I will never get a good paying job and I will be paying off my student loans for the rest of my life. Oh well, I guess it could be worse........or it could have been better. SO sad. adios.

yup

chasemm — 2004-11-04T03:11:34-05:00

So I just got done with my almost 2 hour wellness theory class and pretty sure I slept through the whole thing. Good thing we don't have any tests and I don't have to pay attention. :) I dod know that I kicked my Bcom test ass!! Well I can only hope, I know I got all the multiple choice questions right, there were some application problems, not sure if they are completely right, but either way I think I did well. Now I must do some physics and Accounting homework. Wish I wasn't sick earlier this week or I could have all of this done! Oh well, not a huge deal. If I get it done then I can go work out later at 8, which I really want to do since I got a free membership to Golds gym for 2 weeks. I gotta get my "freeness" worth. I have also realized that I am pathetic. I have no life, really I don't. I am in 3 clubs, but I don't go to any of the fun activities. So I am going to prioritize and start making me time, because lord knows i need it. Maybe then school won't be so stressful. Well I have done enough writing for day now, if you haven't already you should really read criticalerror's rants about bush, its great fun. :)adios.

I love these lyrics...

chasemm — 2004-11-05T09:11:11-05:00

These lyrics are awesome, I just I would share them, the song is by Switchfoot....

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone?s here
Everyone?s here
Everybody?s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

hahaha

chasemm — 2004-11-06T10:11:53-05:00

<><>

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Name/NickName	Mallory
Gender	Female
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Eyes
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Your Stripper Info by radioface
first name
age
Stripper Name:	Petty Page
Specialty:	mastering those stilettos
Customers say:	"She makes me go pee"

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Role	Vocalist
Trademark	Punk Rock Fashion Sense
Love Interest	The Guitarist

Quiz created with MemeGen!

special olympics..

chasemm — 2004-11-06T03:11:43-05:00

So I just got back from special olympics and it was so fun! I got to sell souvenirs and it was really nice to talk to all the athletes. They get so excited when they win!! It is such a great thing and everybody should volunteer once in their life. Definitely fun.

Yesterday was fun for me. I watched Saved, it was pretty funny. It kinda makes fun of people who are christian. Like the really serious "jesus will save you" christians. It showed that Jesus doesn't do everything for you, god gave us free will for something didn't he?? Anyway, its pretty funny. ANd the best part is....McCully Culkin is in it!! Serious, awesome shit. Well the rest of the day for me will be getting ready for folk fair tommorow and getting some homework done so I don't have a shit load next week. Well I'm out, I am starving! adios.

another day another dollar.....

chasemm — 2004-11-07T05:11:43-05:00

So today was pretty awesome. Well except the homework part. I got up at 8:30 this morning( I couldn't sleep an later) to work on my Spanish paper, I got it done then went to the folk fair here on campus. If you don't know what folk fair is then I will tell you. It was pretty much all sorts of different countries got together to share their heritage and best of all good food!! I did a table for spanish club about Dia de los muertos( Day of the Dead) and if you have ever taken spanish you probably learned about this. It was pretty awesome and after eating Norweigen waffles, indian rice, and Jewish potato pancakes, I was freakin stuffed! I really think the folk fair helps people understand other cultures and hopefully diminish prejudice. I honestly think it should be a requirement to study abroad if you are in college, but that is just me. I know after studying abroad my opinions and views changed a lot. It also shows you how important your culture and country really are. Well I am done ranting, gotta go to work soon. How exciting. :( adios.

holy shit!!

chasemm — 2004-11-08T07:11:45-05:00

So i just did cardio kickboxin and holy shit am i worn out. We did lots of kickin, jump ropin, which I haven't done since like 3rd grade, and some abs and a lot more. I feel good, but I am pretty sure I won't be able to walk tommorow. Fun Fun, what we do for a better body. Well gotta take a shower and go to work, that will be fun. I defintately will sleep damn good tonight!! Shit, or die. adios

ahhh the day....

chasemm — 2004-11-11T12:11:40-05:00

Well today was fun!! Well after my test that I didn't do well on, I don't know why I even try to think I can do well on tests!! I am pretty sure next semester I am going to request having someone read my tests to me and I am getting a study tutor. I had one last fall and it really helped. I am sick of thinking I can do things myself and every semester I get low grades, they are still passing, but not spectacular. Its really all because of my tests. I get really good grades on all my homework so I know that I know the shit. Its frustrating, but seriously you don't take a multiple choice test in the real worl, well most of the time you don't. So that is what I thought about today. I feel like having "special" treatment for a test makes me look slow and stupid, but I know a lot of intelligent people who do the same thing, so I don't feel so bad. Anyway, other than that my fellow pledges in APO discussed some things tonight and did something naughty to the actives!! It was fun. Well i am starting to get tired, so I am going to bed. adios.

woo woo

chasemm — 2004-11-12T07:11:58-05:00

I am so excited because I get to see Benjamin Today!!!! I have missed him so much. I mean being away from each other isn't that bad, but sometimes I feel like we are missing out on each others lives and that sucks. But we talk all the time, which i think makes our relationship stronger. I am excited to relax this weekend. :) adios.

ahhh......

chasemm — 2004-11-14T09:11:20-05:00

So first, yea for the packers!!! I am so glad they beat the Vikings, now I can make fun of my roomate, hehehe. :) Love you Elise!! Anyway, got back today from a nice weekend with Ben. We spent all day on friday pretty much doing nothing. We watched a lot of movies, went to get Ben a new tongue ring(which fell out during the movie that night) and went to wal-mart, which is always a good time. We went to see The Incredibles, which was really cute. It wasn't as funny as I wanted to be, but it was still good. Overall the weekend was awesome, usually is when I go see him. :) Oh on a more "scarier" note, some weirdo chick called me on friday when I was at Ben's and told me to stay away from her boyfriend. At first I thought it was a wrong number, but then she was like, Mallory, stay away from Ben!! I was like, what the fuck?? She knows our names. I had no idea who it was. They called me like 4 times and were very serious. If it was one of my friends they would have fessed up by the 2nd or 3rd time, but the person didn't. I haven't had any more phone calls since, but I am still really curious to who it was?? I want to know how the hell they got my cell phone number and how the hell do they know Ben. It was weird. I guess something exciting happened to me for once, but it was kinda scary. :( Anyway, i am gonna go back to homework b4 i fall asleep, adios.

Some random lyrics..

chasemm — 2004-11-14T09:11:21-05:00

I love these lyrics...they are awesome!!

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

Solo

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
-Lonestar, "Amazed"

fuck yea!!!

chasemm — 2004-11-15T05:11:40-05:00

Ok, so I just found out my grade for my bcom test that i knew i did well on and i fucking mastered it, 45/50!! which is 90%, I am so freakin pumped right now you have no idea!!! That is the first decent grade i have gotten on a test all semester, plus the last test i took in that class, i pretty much failed, so that will definately help. ok so i am done, just thought i would tell everyone that, cuz i am happy. :) adios.

False alarm

chasemm — 2004-11-15T07:11:06-05:00

So it turns out that the Prank caller was one of my friends telling one of her friends to do it. I wouln't be so mad if she just would have called me and said, haha, funny. But she didn't so I thought it as serious and I wasted an hour at the police trying to figure it out. What a waste of time.adios.

Hell day....

chasemm — 2004-11-18T08:11:27-05:00

So today Is not going to be fun, but thats ok. I have a accounting test tommorow, a speech and a really hard quiz in Spanish to do. Not looking forward to it. So today in between all my classes and meetings and I am going to be practincing and studying hard core. Hopefully it pays off, because I need the good grades. Once friday is here, still have stuff to do, but not too bad, no studying at least. I kinda just want this semester to be over, I just didn't do as well as I wanted. I really wish I could only take like 12 credits a semester, I think I would do way better, because I would have more time to devote to all my classes. Now I kind of put certain classes on the back burner. Its ok, just get throught the last 3 weeks after i thanksgiving and I can go home for Christmas!! I am really excited to relax and just work. Well not excited about work, but definitely realaxing. Well I should go, gotta get ready for class, adios!!

lalala

chasemm — 2004-11-19T12:11:57-05:00

Ok, so if you haven't seen the movie super size me? then you should definitely see it. I will tell more later....adios.

gross....

chasemm — 2004-11-20T03:11:32-05:00

I go this from an article which I will post at the bottom, but I just wanted to hightlight this part. 107 grams of fat in one burger, that is disgusting!!! Thats like 30 more grams of fat than you need in a day!!

The "Monster Thickburger" — two 1/3-pound slabs of Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun — sells alone for $5.49, $7.09 with fries and a soda.

As many fast-food chains introduce healthier fare amid fears of being sued, Hardee’s is bucking the trend, serving up a megaburger with 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.

1/3 bacon cheesburger from hardees has 900 calories and 63 grams of fat.

A bic mac from MacDonalds has 600 calories and 51 grams of fat.

I am not trying to be a bitch and I knew that these foods were bad for you, but I had no idea that they were that bad!! I mean here is what the MacDonalds website says about its food choices:

"Choice is crucial: different tastes, menu flexibility, and all the right sizes to fit every active lifestyle. McDonald's wide range of high quality foods can fit into a balanced diet."

Are they serious? Have they ever eaten at macdonalds?? Ok, so i am done, I just wanted you guys to know the facts and yes, its hard not to eat there. I know I will probably eat there again, but I am gonna try not too. adios.

An interesting quote...

chasemm — 2004-11-22T12:11:45-05:00

So I have some quotes that I saw and I am gonna write one now..

"Our doubts are our traitors, and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt."

~William Shakespeare~

hmmmm...

chasemm — 2004-11-23T01:11:17-05:00

So I was in a good mood...and all of a sudden now I am not. I guess I have some reasons why, certain things happening in my life or i should say lack there of...I don't know what to do, I am always so torn with things and I don't want to be. I wish there was just one answer or a way to get through. I just want to feel that I am worth the time I put in. Who knows, maybe I am overeacting or maybe its a sign, who knows. I wish life was a little easier or it was obvious what the answer was. Hopefully I will figure it out. adios.

hello

chasemm — 2004-11-23T03:11:51-05:00

Hello all!!

So tommorow, I get to go home and do absolutely nothing!! Thats right, not a damn thing...well i do have to do laundry, but still. Its so awesome i don't have to work tommorow either! i work for the university and since my shift is later, they are closing early, so no work for me! yeah!! Anyway, I am excited to see my family and Ben, hopefully it will be a fun and relaxing weekend, before I have to come back and brave the shitty last 3 weeks of school. :( Thank god its almost over. adios.

Ahhh, back to school

chasemm — 2004-11-28T05:11:21-05:00

Well that break wasn't long enough!! I did get to sleep a lot though, which was really nice. Ate a lot too. :) Now back to school. It shouldn't be horrible, but its going to be busy, I hope it goes fast and hopefully I can finish the semester witha decent GPA. It won't be what I wanted, but thats ok, nothing I can do about now. I just have to hope that next semester will be better. :)

My weekend was pretty eventful, I got to eat two thanksgiving dinners and go shopping(merry christmas to me!!) Yea, I spent money on myself and bought 2 birthday gifts. Its ok though, I don't know what I am getting a lot of people, so I didn't want to waste time looking. The most horrible thing I guess was having to be the virgin mary in a christmas parade yesterday. This was the work of my grandmother, always volunteering us in stuff we dont' want to do. I must say it was kinda funny and I won't forget it, but I froze my ass off! Anway, it was a nice relaxing weekend and I am ready to finish the semester. Hope all of you in college have a good one too!!

adios.

christmas is in room 203!!

chasemm — 2004-11-29T06:11:14-05:00

So last night I went to my friends house to celebrate her birthday. We hung out and she opened her presents. It was a good time we talked about our thanksgivings and stuff. After Kelsey(the b-day girl) asked if I wanted to go to Wal-mart and I said sure, cuz I didn't have anything to do(for once) and so we went and I bought a cute little christmas tree with some little ornaments and lights and beads to put on it. It is awesome!! I had the best time picking it out and decorating it. It just doesn't seem like christmas unless you have a tree! So now all I have to do is make an angel to put at the top, which will happen when i have a minute. I even have christmas presents under it!! Ok now that I am done being 5 years old..and it looks like a 5 year old did it.... I will stop talking now. I wanted to tell you guys that cuz usually my blogs are about homework and how stressed I am, so I figured I would throw in some christmas cheer! Well have a good day and if your in college, don't study too hard! adios.

good shit

chasemm — 2004-11-30T03:11:11-05:00

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

oh man....

chasemm — 2004-12-01T05:12:57-05:00

So, last night the pledges and I threw a party for the Actives in the Co-ed fraternity I am in called APO(Alpha Phi Omega). It is called Napkid, which means we have a party and the actives don't know about it and we kidnap them on the night of the party and they have to come, no excuses. So that was last night, yes on a Tuesday and it was a total hit!! We had a fiesta theme and we blindfolded them when we kidnapped them. When they got there they had to pin the shotglass on the substance and whatever they got they had to take a shot of with the blindfold on. The choices were Jose Cuervo, box wine, beer, soda(for those who don't drink) and a concoction (iced tea and taco sauce). We also made margaritas that were wonderful. We had way too good of a time and I was drinking some wine called sangria and didn't realize how strong it was and got a little tipsy, needless to say my four classes starting at 8 am to 12am were hard to get through, but I made it. Never again though.....well at least on a Tuesday anyway!! :) So that was a good time, I am glad everything went well and everyone loved it!! woo woo for us!! O the great thing about it too, we told all the actives that we couldn't have a napkid cuz we didn't have time, so they thought we weren't having one, so they had a big surprise! well i am done now. here are some random lyrics, boys pay attention! :)

You could buy me diamonds
You could buy me pearls
Take me on a cruise
around the world
Baby you know I'm worth it
Dinner lit by candles
Run
my bubble bath
Make love tenderly to last, to last
Cause baby you know
I'm worth it

Wanna please wanna keep wanna treat your woman right

Not just dough but to show that you know she is worth your time
You will
lose if you chose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man
who knows her worth

Mmm
Cause a real man, knows a real woman when he
sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her

And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just
can't deny a womans worth

Mm Hmm Mm Hmmm
Mm Hmm Mm Hmmm
Mm Hmm
Mm Hmmm
Mm

If you treat me fairy
I'll give you all my goods

Treat you like a real woman should
Baby I know you're worth it
If
you never play me
Promise not to bluff
I'll hold you down when shit gets
rough
Cause baby I know you're worth it

She walks the mile makes you
smile all the while being true
Don't take for granted the passions that she
has for you
You will lose if you chose to refuse to put her first
She
will if she can find a man who knows her worth

Oh
Cause a real man
knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't
afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first

And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth

No need to read
between the lines spelled out for you (spelled out for you)
Just hear this
song cause you can't go wrong when you value (better value)
A woman's
(woman's)
Woman's (woman's)
WORTH!

Cause a real man knows a real
woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to
please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a
real man just can't deny a woman's worth

hola amigos!

chasemm — 2004-12-03T12:12:46-05:00

Ok, so my day was pretty uneventful. I really feel like I should be doing more, but I don't have anything to do....well I mean I have stuff I could be doing, but quite frankly i don't want to. :) Of course I will have to crack down this weekend, because I do want to finish off the semester with decent grades. So after tommorow, slacking off is over! I only have to survive 2 more weeks then I am done. I watched 3 hours of t.v tonight, all my favorite shows, The O.C., then CSI- Vegas, then Missing without a trace, fanfreakintastic!! Then I finished up some homework and now I am ready for bed, I hope you all have a great weekend and hope things are too stressful for everyone. Have a great day. adios

I am officially an active in APO

chasemm — 2004-12-04T12:12:19-05:00

SO I got initiated today in my co-ed fraternity, APO. It was fun. I was going to stay over night, but I was told that its like an all nighter and I need sleep. So I came home with my roomate. I just wasn't in the mood to play games and stuff, so whatever. I need to sleep so I can get some homework done tommorow, cuz now I have to crack down and get shit done. :) Well I am going to wrap some presents and go to bed. Good night all. adios

scrumpcious ;)

chasemm — 2004-12-04T04:12:09-05:00

Those lips and your brown eyes
And that sexy hair
But me and you were meant to be
You're a sexy guy
I'm a nice girl

Lets get nasty

mmmm yummy!

chasemm — 2004-12-05T12:12:49-05:00

So all I have to say is my friend Kelsey is the greatest ever!! She made an actual turkey last night and we all had a thanksgiving dinner at 12:30 at night!! I have never had turkey that good before, kid you not! It was moist and so flavorful! It was a lot of fun, free food always is, especially good free food. ;) Thanks to the girls who live on Dewey st. you rock!! adios.

SNOW!!

chasemm — 2004-12-06T08:12:27-05:00

Yea for snow!! It seriously snowed like 2 inches last night, i love it!! Now it looks so pretty outside. :) Even though its going to be a pain walking in it, I don't mind, at least it won't look so drabby outside anymore. Well I gotta go get ready for class, I will write more later. adios.

:(

chasemm — 2004-12-07T01:12:40-05:00

I am so confused and sad and anxious, I just don't know what to do, I just....... I don't fucking know!!! I want things to be better, I just don't know how to fix them....ok, so i am done, If i wrote what I am really thinking, it just wouldn't be fair, it isn't bad, but I don't want the whole world to know. Well I am going to try and go to bed, hopefully I can sleep...adios

well....

chasemm — 2004-12-07T02:12:07-05:00

Well I am feeling a little better now, I know more. I know things will be alright and I am willing to do whatever it takes, even if that means stepping back and doing nothing, as hard as that is for me to do, but I will if that what needs to be done. Shit takes time and thats ok. :)

whew..

chasemm — 2004-12-08T12:12:48-05:00

So I am way better than I was like 2 hours ago. So those of you who don't know, and the few who do, everything is ok. :) I understand more and even though it will be hard for me, I know its the only way that things will get better. I truly hope in my heart that it all works out and that things can be better than ever! And quite frankly, I know it will be. :) So now, I am going to finish my accounting homework and then I am going to bed, because I am freakin exhausted!!! adios.

life is so god damn hard

chasemm — 2004-12-08T04:12:41-05:00

We may not have

Everything altogether,

but at least together we

have it all.

hehe, hyper

chasemm — 2004-12-09T12:12:27-05:00

so first and foremost I must thank my friend Kelsey, who knitted me a beautiful white scarf, i love it!! Its going to be my business/dress up scarf. Cuz its white and if I wear it all the time, it will be white no longer. Those of you who know me, know that I eat like a 5 year old and i just get things dirty. I think its a conspiracy!! >:( Anyway, so I am freakin hyper and its like 11:12, seriously 3 hours ago I was about to fall over with exhaustion <---thats not spelled right is it??? hmmm, anyway, so yea, I don't know why I am hyper, really don't know. But I am going to take advantage of it and do some more homework. :) Well I want the next 2 days to go quick, cuz they are going to suck, but oh well. I am so sick of school!! well actually this semester, next semester seems like its going to be better, but who knows. Well I am going to stop, because I could write forever on random things, so good night all and good luck with school!!! :) adios.

ok, so its tommorow

chasemm — 2004-12-09T01:12:55-05:00

Ok, so I love this song, so I am gonna post it. :)

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away

~Break away, by Kelly Clarkson~

hello...

chasemm — 2004-12-09T09:12:37-05:00

Ok, So I just ate a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal which is my favorite cereal!!! It was so good, it totally made my day. :) And I definitely need it for the busy day I am gonna have today, I have class till 2:40 then I have to study for my physics test tommorow and homework assignment, study my speech thats tommorow, do some accounting homework for tommorow, and put the final touches on my spanish paper(which is my final, yes i love it!) So busy day. Hopefully everyone has a great day! adios.

dear lord

chasemm — 2004-12-10T01:12:29-05:00

So I am gonna make a quick blog and point out how brainless our RA's(Resident Assistant) and Hall director are. So we have a quiet study lounge in the basement and finals start on MONDAY, what do they decide to do, have a fucking party in the study lounge on Sunday night! So seriously, ummm yea, real freakin genius. I just thought I would point that out. I can't wait to get out of these damn dorm, its awful, thank god I am living somewhere else next semester!! ok, well I feel better now that I got that off my chest, now I am going to bed, lots of stuff tommorow!! adios

Praise the LORD!

chasemm — 2004-12-10T01:12:00-05:00

So I am finally done with classes!!! woo woo!! I am so freakin emotionally exhausted from this week, I can barely see straight. Now I just have to study for 4 finals and I can go home.

Today didn't go so bad, my group speech went really well, I think, so that was good, my physics test, pretty sure I didn't do as well as I wanted. I just want that class to burn in hell, seriously. I am so sick of this semester I could just puke. I am also sick of the immature retarded girls that live around me. I am so sick of people screaming in the hall way at fucking 12 at night, and its not just at night, its 24 hours, always singing or just talking as loud as possible, always, I hate bridgman, I hate living in the dorms and I hate everyone that lives around me, well most not all, because they are stupid and don't ever do homework!! Seriously, and they talk about such stupid things. I seriously lose brain cells just looking at them. Last night there were some people in our next door neighbors room and they were talking so so loud and the t.v. was so loud, I could relay everything they had said in the past hour, so after a couple minutes of not sleeping, i went to there room and told them to shut the hell up, cuz some people actually go to school and actually have to sleep for tests, ya know those things professors give you, those. They didn't like that, but for all i care then can fuck off. So yea, can you tell I am sick of life right now, I am, in fact if anyone says the wrong thing to me today, I might lose it. I think I am going to take a nap, just to maybe relieve some unhappyness. It just isn't my week...or semester for that matter. adios.....damnit.

this feeling inside..

chasemm — 2004-12-11T12:12:25-05:00

Have you ever had this empty feeling. Thats how I feel right now and I don't know what to do about it. I seriously just want to get on a plane and fly somewhere, I don't care where. I just don't want to be here. Life is so complicated right now and I feel like I was forced into this crapy time. I don't understand how God can just crap on me, I work so hard to be a good person and to be a good friend, but I get shit for it, utter and complete shit. I understand that things need to be the way they are for things to get better, but it just sucks and its going to be really hard for me to get through it. well i am gonna watch a movie then go to bed, I have some studying to do tommorow. adios.

woo woo

chasemm — 2004-12-11T05:12:31-05:00

So my mom called me today and told me that for my month long winter break, she is going to rent a car from Russ Meyer!! He is giving her a really good deal. I am so freakin excited!! Hopefully then in May he can give me a good deal on a car. The reason for this is my sister isn't playing basketball this winter and so she works right after school and my mom won't get home in time from work for her to go to work, so she decide to rent the car. Its great. I hate driving her van, so yay for me. Anyway, today I bought a nice business outfit, cuz I need one for monday, and it was so cheap, Khols is great! I also bought someones birthday present, which I know HE will like. :) I really should stop spending money, but everything I have bought has been something I really need or christmas presents, so I am just charging it and figuring it out later, cuz quite frankly I don't care. I really haven't spent too much. Well I am going to go study or something. adios.

"Who Knows?"

chasemm — 2004-12-12T02:12:00-05:00

I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day

Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?
Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?

Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

"Fall To Pieces"

chasemm — 2004-12-12T02:12:59-05:00

SO I liked Avril Lavigne when she came out, but then after awhile I didn't like her. After reading a lot of her lyrics, I realized that a lot of her songs describe all the emotions I am feeling right now. Whether she went through things I am going through doesn't matter, her lyrics help me put my feelings into words.

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

????

chasemm — 2004-12-13T12:12:12-05:00

So tommorow I get to take my Business Writing exam, I think it will go well, I have been doing well so far and I really studied for it, so wish me luck!! :)

man

chasemm — 2004-12-13T03:12:59-05:00

So if I get another call from the army reserve I am going to scream!! They called me today and they usually call me twice a semester. If I wanted to be treated like shit and go to Iraq, I would go sign up. Don't get me wrong the army isn't that bad, but my dad was in the army and I lived enough of it to know I don't want to be in it. Also, my room is a complete shit hole!! But its not getting cleaned until tommorow, because thats when I have time. Anyway, I gotta start on Accounting, yea for me. So I am out. adios.

All accounting faculty should burn slowly in hell....

chasemm — 2004-12-14T01:12:22-05:00

So I just took my accounting final, it actually wasn't too bad, good thing I studied my ass off!! But there were some questions that shouldn't have been on there, because 1) we barely discussed them in class, 2) she said it wouldn't be on the final and 3) i hate accounting. I think I did well enough to keep my B, but who knows. Now I don't have finals until Friday, woo woo. So today is major cleaning day and laundry and getting my shit together, cuz my roomies parents are coming tommorow and we have to have shit together. Well I am gona go now, cuz I don't feel like typing any more...oh wait, one more thing!! Last night Kels, shannon and I went to Bakers square and had pie! man it was good, I had a reeses peanut butter cup pie, seriously orgasmic, or foodgasim! I aslo had a chicken sandwich and fries, at like 11:00 at night. I don't really care, cuz its finals week and I start being healthy and exercising on Monday. :) adios.

powerless

chasemm — 2004-12-15T12:12:48-05:00

~Nelly Furtado, "Powerless"~

Paint my face in your magazines
Make it look whiter than it seems
Paint me over with your dreams
Shove away my ethnicity
Burn every notion that I may have a flame inside to fight
And say just what is on my mind
Without offending your might

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
So say what you want
Say what you want

I saw her face outside today
Weatherworn, looking all the rage
They took her passion and her gaze and made a poster
Now it??s moccasins we sport
We take the culture and contort
Perhaps only to distort what we are hiding

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
But say what you want
Say what you want

Hey you, the one outside, are you ever gonna get in, get in
Hey you, the one that don??t fit in, how ya, how ya gonna get in
Hey you, the one outside, are you ever gonna get in with your
Broken teeth, broken jaw, broken mojo
Yeah, this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do

hmmm....

chasemm — 2004-12-15T09:12:35-05:00

So, I have been studying today, I really don't want to, but I do want a good grade in my classes, because I worked hard all semester for the grades I do have. Don't want to fuck them up cuz I was lazy the last week. Its going to be a lonely day for me tommorow, because my roomie is leaving and I won't see her again till Jan. 5, then Jan. 8 she leaves for Spain for 6 months. I am going to miss her a lot. We have grown so close over the past 2 1/2 years and I can't imagine life without her. I don't truly connect with many people and she is one person that I do connect with. We are so honest with each other and can handle each others annoying flaws, which I think is a perfect friendship. But we did it last spring when i was studying abroad and I know we can do it this time around too. I think friendship is something that I cherish a lot and when I lose it, it is really hard for me. I get emotionally attached to people and so I think that is why, but still. I guess I am just an emotional person, which can annoy me sometimes, because I cry at the drop of a hat. I wish I didn't do that, because I give people the wrong impression on how I am feeling. But if I could control it, I would. Well this blog turned into a random rant, so I am gonna stop, because I think I could just go on forever. I should get back to studying, only 2 more days of this shit and I am freakin done. Thank god, I am spent. adios, tenga un buen noche.

The Answer To Everything

chasemm — 2004-12-15T09:12:29-05:00

I stole this from fabio, because I really enjoyed reading it and I totally agree. People just need to experience!!

Now I will attempt to explain the nature of God to you fragile humans.
You seem to have this odd notion that God is something to be believed in. Where do you get these crazy ideas? God cannot be found by faith, reason, study or anything else of that nature. Let me elaborate. (Yes I realize the irony).
God is a concept. It can be useful, but is not necessary. What you call "God" can only be experienced. Once you have experienced God you no longer need to believe in God.
Religion has nothing to do with the experience of God. In fact, it can be a roadblock to the experience. God has nothing to do with politics, philosophy, science or anything else of that nature.
If you want to experience God, there are a variety of ways to go about it. You can't force the experience but you can help clear the obstacles in your path. .
What are these obstacles? Concepts mainly. Unhealthy mental formations such as anger block you from the experience.
Try spending some time alone in silence, just observe - nothing more. To experience God you must be alive. You must be awake. When you walk, walk. When you read, read. When you do the dishes, do the dishes. Then you will know God.

:(

chasemm — 2004-12-16T05:12:24-05:00

I am in the worst mood. I am just not happy, I feel so alone, like nobody cares about me, it just sucks and I wish this feeling would go away, because I don't know how long I can take it. I seriously just want to give up.

almost over...

chasemm — 2004-12-17T12:12:54-05:00

Praise the lord this awful semester is over!!! I will be so glad when my physics test is over tommorow around 5, then its move out time and off to good ol Wild Rose, Wi for a month off, with a job a pick n slave in waupaca. Its going to be a nice break. I get to read the Da Vinci Code, which I am getting for christmas, brush up on my spanish(which needs to be done) and just chill with my family, cuz sad but true this will be my last time living at home. Starting this summer I am living in an apartment. Its kinda sad, cuz I miss them, and we have a good time in the summer, but I can't wait to be on my own, be a real adult!! :) So I am going to enjoy their company as much as possible. Its so weird, my lil sis is going to be going to college next semester!!! I feel so old, she is going to UWSP, where Ben and many people from our area go, but she is excited and really happy about going, so I am happy for her. I wish she would come here, then we could hang out more again, but I didn't want to force her to go somewhere she didn't want to go. So its all good. I am also excited about turning 21 in 35 days, very exciting. Well I am done ranting, I am going to bed, I have two finals tommorow and I am freakin tired. adios.

YAY!!! Termino!

chasemm — 2004-12-17T05:12:08-05:00

I am finally done after an awful Physics test, but I think I BS'd my way through it enough to keep my C. I am so glad its all over. I did really well seeing as this semester was hell. I got 4 B's a C and an A. So not too shabby. Well I have to get my room ready to go before My mom gets here. I hope everyone has Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate!!! adios, tengan un buen noche!!

no subject

chasemm — 2004-12-20T12:12:31-05:00

So those of you who were at the party on Saturday night, I would just like to say it was one hell of a time, even though I didn't get drunk. OH and ben I love you and I had a lot of fun. 3 weeks is too damn long!!! :) adios!

I've waited all my life, to cross this line, to the only thing thats true...

chasemm — 2004-12-28T12:12:35-05:00

Well Christmas was fun and went really freakin fast!! Now I am working at boring pick n save for the next 3 weeks to pay off my credit cards from christmas. Oh if you haven't read The Da Vinci Code, get it, its the most facinating book I have ever read!! Very good book. I can't wait to be back in Eau Claire, where I can be with my friends. I like coming home, but none of my friends are near me, so it gets kinda boring after awhile, but I do enjoy hanging out with my mom and sis, they are a good time. I think I am gonna miss them more than I think I will this summer when I will stay in Eau Claire to live. On the other hand, I am ready to be fully on my own, it will be nice. I can't wait. Well I wanted to say all sorts of stuff, but I am lazy and I want to finish my book, so hope everyone had a happy holiday and a happy new year! adios.

Estoy enferma!!

chasemm — 2004-12-30T12:12:51-05:00

GRRRRR! I hate being sick. I have been under the weather since Monday and I am not liking it one bit! I knew I would get sick before New Years, I just knew it. I am feeling better today though, Hopefully I am way better tommorow. :( And I would like to say that Dayquil and Nyquil are the best damn things on this entire earth!! Its nice to take a medicine that actually works. Anyway, so the roads are icey as shit so I don't know if I will even get to work today, I mean I don't want to go, but I desperately need the money, so I am going to attempt to get to Waupaca. Hopefully I am successful. :) Nothing else happening here. Mainly work. Oh I went to the dentist to see why my tooth has been hurting me lately and he said that after getting a filling your tooth could hurt up to 6 months to a year. Well I got the damn thing in July, so hopefully it goes away. He did something with my bite and actually my tooth isn't that bad anymore, so that is nice. Well I am gonna go, cuz I don't have anything more to say. adios.

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain....away

chasemm — 2005-01-05T12:01:03-05:00

So Life lately has been eye opening and a reality check for me. I have felt so many emotions in the past month that I don't know how to decipher them. But a door has been open...just a crack, but it has been open and that has made all the difference. I don't know how to explain the feeling, I just feel like things are moving forward and that makes me extremely happy. Life to me right now is crazy, but I like it that way. I feel like I am finally getting on track for once in my life. I have started exercising this week and eating healthy. It feels so good to exercise. I really let myself go in the last couple of months and I can see it in pictures. I have been overweight for the past 8 years and even though I am not outrageously fat, I don't like what I see. Not to say that I don't love my body and who I am, cuz I do. But I know that being healthy is important. So I have stopped looking at it as a look thing and am concentrating on just feeling good and being healthy. So my New years resolution is to lose between 20-30 pounds by 2006.(yes i know, i said it wasn't about a weight thing, but I need a goal or I won't do anything.) And I will do it. :) Have you ever felt completely frustrated with life and also completely content? I don't get it, but thats how I am right now in my life. Life to me is simple, it may seem complicated when u search for answers, but in the end its all about being happy. The thing is, nobody knows what life is or why there is life or what the hell we are supposed to do, but the harder you try to dig and find the answers, the more lost you become. I have been using MINDFULLNESS for the past couple of months and it has really helped me enjoy life. Mindfullness is the process of just enjoying every moment of life, concentrate on one thing at a time. I used to sit down and do some homework for one subject and think about all the other stuff I had to do, which made me stressed. I mean stop and smell the god damn flowers!! When you are driving look out the window and view the scenery. Look at you family and realize how lucky your are, look at your friends and realize that they like you for who you are, look at your significant other and realize that love is such a beautiful thing and it should be cherished and nutured. If people just realized that we aren't here for long and whatever you believe, it doesn't matter, just enjoy this life, its short and being around people that make you feel alive and doing things that truly make you excited is what you need to do. Simple as that. Life is complicated, cuz people make it complicated. So I am done, I have definitely written enough. I just needed to get that off my chest. :) adios.

I don't know what I'd do, baby if I lost you,

chasemm — 2005-01-07T11:01:48-05:00

Cause I've been without you and I know how it feels

So I was at work last night reading a magazine and I realized a lot of things. Its weird cuz its like I was supposed to read that particular magazine. Every article spoke to me and they helped a lot. I am going to write a little excerpt from one of the articles, because I found it very interesting and I am sure some of you will too.

Depression is always associated with gloomy, pesimistic, recurrent thoughts that undercut the self and others: "I'll never succeed. I'm Ugly. I'm not bright enough. I have bad luck. I'm sick...." These ideas may be as excessive as they are hurtful (such as "I always dissappoint everybody," which simply cannot be true. But by the time they manifest in depression, they've usually become so automatic that it is no longer obivious how abnormal they are. On of the characteristics of sustained physical effort is precisely that it puts a halt, at least temporarily, to the torrent of depressive thoughts. Most people who jog or run say that after 15 or 20 minutes, they reach a state in which they feel spontaneously positive and even creative. If negative messages pop up, which is rare, just diverting your attention to your breathing, or to the sensation of your feet pressing down on the ground, is usually enough to see them off.

Now everytime I run, which by the way I hate running, I always feel really happy and great afterwards. I also feel that way after doing any exercise. I really believe that exercise really helps your mind focus and in general helps you becom motivated and happy. Start slow and build your way up and I am sure things will start to get better. :) adios.

God Hates me!!

chasemm — 2005-01-09T06:01:01-05:00

Ok so after finally getting better from my almost 2 week cold... I get sick again, this time with the flu. Fucking great. At least I only feel crappy, no throwing up. It just sucks, seriously, I never get sick and I am just one big ball of sickness. I even had to call into work today, which is something I never do. I have tommorow off so hopefully I will feel better on Tuesday to go back to work, cuz lord knows I need the money.

I seriously can't wait to go back to school. I miss all of my friends so much. I like being home but It gets kinda boring after a while. I hung out with Elise, Susan and Kellie Last wednesday and it was the most fun I have had in a while and it really made my week. Elise just arrived in Spain today and she will be gone for 6 months!! Man I am seriously going to miss her, she is one of my greatest friends and its going to be hard not talking to her everyday. But we did this last semester when I left for Costa Rica and we did fine. I am also excited about living with Susan and Kellie who I barely hung out with this last semester, but we are going to have a good time...since we will all be 21! I can't wait to mix girly drinks and just chill, its going to be great!! I just need to get out of Wild Rose before I go nuts!! Well I am going to go back and just chill on the couch and do nothing since I have no motivation to do anything cuz of the way I feel. I hope all of you aren't sick, it seriously sucks. :( Adios.

And something's breaking up, I feel like giving up,

chasemm — 2005-01-10T01:01:18-05:00

I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one

Have you ever been at war with yourself? Like there are two of you arguing over what you should do? Thats how I feel somedays, Like my two "selfs" constantly disagree. I think the reason is because I don't know what to do about certain things. I have been told why its happening, but I don't know how to act and when I should be upset or if I should be upset or when I should be concerned or not concerned. I mean my brain just keeps going constantly all day and night, it doesn't stop. I know what needs to be done and I am willing to be there so it can happen, but still its confusing. I just want to do everything right, I don't want to say the wrong thing, but yet its so hard for me to just do nothing, its not who I am. I am a "fixer" if I can't fix things I freak out because I feel like I have failed. I give give give, hoping that it will help and when it doesn't I feel drained. I don't want to not be like that, I just wish that I didn't get so dissappointed all the time when something doesn't get fixed. I know sometimes things take time and that is totally fine. I don't know I think I am just struggling with some things just because I am not informed I guess, I don't know. I think it will get better once I am back at school. Oh yea I am feeling much better today, thank god. I don't have to take motrin to not feel like ass, so that is good. SO hopefull after resting today and getting some sleep tonight I should be back on track tommorow. And Hopefully stay healthy for awhile. Well I am done talking now, adios.

Got this from Criticalerror. ;)

chasemm — 2005-01-14T11:01:49-05:00

Make bold what applies to you and what doesn't leave normal.

001. I miss somebody right now.

002. I watch more tv than I used to.

003. i love olives(black olives only)

004. I love sleeping.

005. I own a home.

006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.

007. I love to play video games.

008. I've done something illegal.

009. I've watched porn movies.

010. I have been in a threesome.

011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.

012. I like my handwriting.

013. I have acne free skin.

014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.

015. I curse frequently.

016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.

017. I have a hobby.

018. I've been to another country.

019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

020. I'm really, really smart.

021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.

022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.

023. I love rain.

024. I'm paranoid at times.

025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

026. I need money right now.

027. I love sushi.

028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.

029. I have fresh breath in the morning.

030. I have long hair.

031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.

032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.

033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.

034. I shave my legs.

035. I have a twin.

036. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.

037. I like the way that I look. ( In general yes)

038. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.

039. I know how to do cornrows.

040. I am usually pessimistic.

041. I have mood swings.

042. I think prostitution should be legalized.

043. I think Britney Spears is pretty.

044. I have cheated on someone.

045. I have a hidden talent.

046. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.

047. I've been sexually intimate with less than ten people

048. I am currently single.

049. I have kissed someone of the same sex.( not yet anyway)

050. I enjoy talking on the phone. (But I would rather talk in person)

051. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.

052. I love to shop.

053. I would rather shop than eat.

054. I would classify myself as ghetto

055. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.

056. I'm obsessed with my Diary!

057. I don't hate anyone.

058. I'm a pretty good dancer

059. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.

060. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.

061. I have a cell phone.

062. I watch MTV on a daily basis.

063. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.

064. I have never been in a real relationship before.

065. I've rejected someone before.

066. I currently have a crush on someone.

067. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

068. I want to have children in the future.

069. I have changed a diaper before.

070. I've had the cops called on me before.

071. I bite my nails.

072. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.

073. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.

074. I have a lot to learn.

075. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.

076. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.

077. I am very shy around the opposite sex.

078. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.

079. I have at least 5 away messages saved.

080. I have been rejected by someone.

081. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.

082. I own the "SOUTHPARK" movie.

083. I have avoided work to play on Mindsay.

084. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.

085. I enjoy country music.

086. I love my best friend.

087. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.

088. I occasonally watch soap operas.

089. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist. (but I am not that bad)

090. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.

091. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.

092. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".

093. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.

094. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.

095. I have dated a close friend's ex.

096. I'm happy as of this moment.

097. I have gone scuba diving.

098. I've had a crush on somebody I have never met.

099. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.

100. I play a musical instrument.

101. I strongly dislike math.

102. I'm procrastinating on something right now.

103. I own and use a library card.

104. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."

105. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.

106. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.

107. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."

108. I am resentful that I have to grow up.

109. I am an entirely different person around different people.

110. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.

111. I think ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.

112. I am suffering of a broken heart.

113. I am a nerd.

114. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.

115. I am left handed and proud of it.

116. I TRY not to change who I am for someone.

117. My heart resides below my feet.

118. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.

119. I enjoy smoothies.

120. I have had major surgery.

121. I have adopted a pet.

122. I am listening to Radiohead right now. (listening to Train)

123. Some people call me by a nickname.

124. I once stole a music stand.

125. I like pumpkin pie.

126. I love NASCAR! (lets change that to like...i like nascar....but only some drivers...like jr.)

127. I own over 200 CDs.

128. I work 7 days a week.

129. I've had mono.

130. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.

131. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.

132. I'm still in my PJs.

133. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places. (well, seem to be)

134. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong people, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.

135. I'll try anything three times. Almost anything.

136. Done drugs other than Alcohol or Cannabis.

137. I'm having trouble sleeping.

138. I am a cuddler.

139. I love John Waters films

140. I have made a pornographic videotape.

141. I'm a vegetarian

142. I am Pagan

143. I sing WAY more than I should.

144. I Really like the word : "Bazooka"

145. I Like Nuns

146. Been made fun of so much you want to shoot yourself.

147. I am obsessed with Wicked.

148. I am in love with sigma phi epsilon brothers!

149. I like someone who I've known for a long time.

150. I think Sirius Black should be a real person.

151. I watch Boiling Points and laugh at the people.

152. Sometimes I'm too passive.

153. My room can't stay clean for longer than a day.

154. I still have a dial-up connection.

155. I hate leaving the house without a watch on.

156. I have a sick obsession with bean burritos.

157. I own bunny slippers.

158. Band isn't just something to fill the time.

159. I would pee my pants if I did not have Chapstick (change that one to Burts Bee's) on me 24/7/365

160. I have my own car.

161. I love surprises.

162. I love one of my parents more than the other.

163. I over analyze everything.

164. I ate cheerios for breakfast.

165. I’m in love with somebody who doesn't want a serious relationship yet.

166. Garden State is my favorite movie....ever.

167. I love Freddy Prince Jr.!

168. I know who Holden Caulfield is

169. I think I have to love & respect myself before I can expect someone else to love & respect me.

170. I do yoga every morning

171. I have 5 fingers and a thumb on one hand ...*looks awa

172. I am common sense smart, I read people well and love listening to peoples problems and helping them.

173. I eat peas and corn right out of the can, without cooking them.

Life is too short so love the one you got

chasemm — 2005-01-19T01:01:20-05:00

SO the past couple of days have been normal as usual. Just working and getting ready to go back to school. But something interesting did happen on Sunday at work. I don't know if it was the drama that went on at Ben's house the night before or it was I was tired or just needed to vent, but this kid I work with is a nice kid, but he says things or comments to see how people will react and he said the wrong thing in my presence and I chewed him a new asshole. We were in the break room and I was sitting doing my check book and he comes in and picks up the newspaper and says "Yea, all those Iraq prisoners deserve what they get" and I was like, event he innocent ones, the ones who have done nothing? and he was like yea, they all deserve to die, our soldiers are being killed by them. So I tried to be rational and tell him that not all the people in Iraq are trying to kill us and mistreating the ones who aren't against us is not a great idea. But he kept interupting me and stuff so I lost it and we had a yelling fest and I was irate! I was yelling at him to shut the fuck up and close his mouth because he needs to think before he speaks and shit like that. Now this kid has said a lot of unneccesary things in the past, so he does this a lot. He once told a couple of Jewish guys wearing there Yamacas " WHat are the hats for?" I kid you not, he said that right to them, he is immature and doesn't think before he speaks and he just said the wrong thing around the wrong person and I snapped. I really cannot remember the last time I yelled at somebody, I mean really yelled and was angry. Its been years and years. But it felt really good. I feel a little bad, but not really, he had it coming and he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. I guess Mike got to see the bad ass bitch side of me on Sunday. :) That is really all that has happened this week. I got to see Ben and all his friends this weekend which was fun (except for the drama that unfolded, but better now then for the b-day bash) I also turn 21 on friday, only 3 days away!!! I am so excited!! woo woo. I wish I didn't have to get up early on Saturday, but what can ya do. Well I have written enough, I am tired and need to go to bed. adios.

Back in EC!

chasemm — 2005-01-23T11:01:49-05:00

So I am back in Eau Claire which is great!! I am in an on campus apartment with my own room and I am lovin it. I got all my shit unpacked and put away. My room is pretty cool looking, I am proud. I do need another poster to put up, but when I find it I will know.

Yesterday I had my first competition for WMMA(Wisconsin Marketing and Management Association or DECA) I got 3rd. but it was out of 3 people. haha. I did have a great time and I thouroughly enjoyed the experience. I can't wait to go to state in March. I can't believe I have to start class on Wednesday, at least I have a couple days to relax and get shit in order before then. I am really excited to be back, but its going to be a busy semester with all the clubs I am in, doing Passion parties, school, and finding time to see my wonderful boyfriend Ben. :) Who by the way made my birthday one of the best birthdays I have ever had!!! He baked (yes ladies he cooks!) me a cake, but not just any cake, he baked my favorite, rainbow cake with the rainbow chunk frosting!! I about shit my pants when he showed me. I didn't think he would remember that. It just goes to show that guys do listen. :) Of course Ben always finds a way to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, so it wasn't a complete surprise. He also took me to dinner and that was really nice. I felt like such a princess, I loved it! :) Well I will stop gushing now.

I also went out with my family on Friday for the big 21 and had some interesting drinks, but didn't get trashed because 1) i don't like getting trashed, 2) I had to get up at 6 am the next morning and didn't feel like being hungover. But I did have a good time and my family was awesome. I think they might have wanted to see me get drunk, but thats another day. Well I think I have written enough. I am tired and so I think i am gonna take a shower and go to bed. :) adios.

I am worth...

chasemm — 2005-01-23T11:01:35-05:00

I am worth exactly $1,506,208.00, man that seems kinda low, maybe I should have put that I have DD cup size????

My b-day...number 3!

chasemm — 2005-01-25T01:01:03-05:00

So last night was b-day party # 3. My friends from school made me cake and we had pizza and girly drinks!! Man I have such good friends, I mean its really weird sometimes to have people besides your family love you so much. It makes you feel that you shouldn't beat yourself up so much and just relax. I know I have been realizing that. We laughed a lot and had a great time, so that was fun. Tommorow I start classes, but I only have one and its from 8-9, so not that bad. I don't have my lab this week or next week for my geography class, so that is freakin spectacular. Of course thursday will be hell. 5 one hour and fifteen minute classes from 8am to 6:15pm and then I have a meeting from 6:45 to like 7:30 so thursday will be long, but I don't have friday classes, so not a bad week. Well today is going to be boring, but at least I can go get my books and maybe I will scrapbook. adios.

What the hell!

chasemm — 2005-01-26T12:01:34-05:00

1. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color? Bikini cut and they are dark pink. And I am wearing a bra which is also pink.

2. What is the song you want played at your funeral? That so long fairwell song from Sound of Music.

3. What would your last meal be before getting executed? Costa Rican food, cheesy potatoes, a sex on the beach drink.

4. Beatles or Stones? Beatles

5. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be? George W. Bush

6. (What happened to 6?)

7. The person whose problems you would never want to hear again? Gosh, nobody, I like hearing about peoples problems and hopefully helping them solve them.

8. What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex? Nice ass, nice smile, nice lips and brown hair (if it is a little long and has curls, definitely a bonus)

9. Do you secretly hate some of your friends but are too nice to reject them? Not necessarily hate, just don't want to hang out with.

10. If you could have any super power what would it be? super smart, just know everything.

11. Favorite hangover cure-loads? ummm whine a lot and curl up in the fetal position and sleep.

12. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk? haha, umm like 3 or 4 screwdrivers

13. Favorite song lyric? Too many to even list...

14. Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have? brown

15. If you had to be blind or deaf? deaf, but shit I am almost there

16. Do you have any psychiatric problems? Doesn't everyone??

17. Siblings that should go to rehab? no

18. Least favorite month? February, cuz its short and it screws me up.

19. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid? Gosh, I will say Mary Poppins???

20. Favorite person in the whole world? I guess me, cuz why not??

21. When's the last time you went on a date? Jan. 20, Ben was super sweet and took me to dinner and bake me a cake!!

22. Do you like violent movies or dirty movies? Depends on my mood, but I like both.

23. Fall or spring? Fall

24. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with? the one random at a party and the asshole tim I dated for like a couple weeks.

25. If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with? Angelina Jolie, seriously, I would go lesbian for her. :)

26. where do you want to live when you are old and brittle? somewhere that has room service

27. Who is the person or persons you can count on most? my mom and my friends

28. If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?

Orlando Bloom

Brad Pitt

Johnny Depp

Enrique Iglesias

Brenden Frasier

The guy who played the Count in Count of Monte Cristo, actually he was Jesus too in Passion of the Christ, but he was hot in Count of Monte Cristo.

Gosh, there are more but I can't think of any.

29. What books have you pretended you've read? none, i love reading

30. What's a word you would use to describe your life now? interesting

31. Favorite drinking game? Blow Job

32. What did you dream last night? I can't remember???

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

01. Mal

02. Mallory

03. Mally

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

01. chasemm

02. chasemm09

03. machita09

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

01. I'm alive

02. My hair

03. I get along with most people

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:

01. that I am short

02. my head is really big

03. I tend to talk to much?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

01. French

02. Irish

03. Dutch

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

01. Losing the one I love

02. being alone

03. being buried alive

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

01. Defintely food

02. my computer

03. Ben, even though I don't see him everyday, but I wish I could.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

01. socks

02. blue sweatshirt

03. slippers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS:

01. No Doubt

02. Alicia Keys

03. New Found Glory

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:

01. take salsa lessons

02. losing weight

03. to save $$

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

01. love

02. love

03. being happy

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: which one's a lie though?

01. I have small boobs ( this one is a lie)

02. I am really tired

03. I miss Ben

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

01. didn't we have this question already??

02. Butt

03. Lips, and hair

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:

01. poop in a public bathroom, I can if there are lots of people making noise though.

02. pierce my clit, sorry ben

03. draw

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

01. scrapbooking

02. bowling

03. chilling with friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

01. sleeo

02. see ben

03. have sex

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:

01. own a home depot just for shits and giggles

02. stripper (well only if I can't pay off the loans.)

03. own my own photography studio

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

01. Italy

02. Alaska, I think i am going there next year or something

03. Chile

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

01. Have Kids

02. sky dive

03. Travel the world!

What the hell!

chasemm — 2005-01-26T12:01:35-05:00

1. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color? Bikini cut and they are dark pink. And I am wearing a bra which is also pink.

2. What is the song you want played at your funeral? That so long fairwell song from Sound of Music.

3. What would your last meal be before getting executed? Costa Rican food, cheesy potatoes, a sex on the beach drink.

4. Beatles or Stones? Beatles

5. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be? George W. Bush

6. (What happened to 6?)

7. The person whose problems you would never want to hear again? Gosh, nobody, I like hearing about peoples problems and hopefully helping them solve them.

8. What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex? Nice ass, nice smile, nice lips and brown hair (if it is a little long and has curls, definitely a bonus)

9. Do you secretly hate some of your friends but are too nice to reject them? Not necessarily hate, just don't want to hang out with.

10. If you could have any super power what would it be? super smart, just know everything.

11. Favorite hangover cure-loads? ummm whine a lot and curl up in the fetal position and sleep.

12. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk? haha, umm like 3 or 4 screwdrivers

13. Favorite song lyric? Too many to even list...

14. Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have? brown

15. If you had to be blind or deaf? deaf, but shit I am almost there

16. Do you have any psychiatric problems? Doesn't everyone??

17. Siblings that should go to rehab? no

18. Least favorite month? February, cuz its short and it screws me up.

19. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid? Gosh, I will say Mary Poppins???

20. Favorite person in the whole world? I guess me, cuz why not??

21. When's the last time you went on a date? Jan. 20, Ben was super sweet and took me to dinner and bake me a cake!!

22. Do you like violent movies or dirty movies? Depends on my mood, but I like both.

23. Fall or spring? Fall

24. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with? the one random at a party and the asshole tim I dated for like a couple weeks.

25. If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with? Angelina Jolie, seriously, I would go lesbian for her. :)

26. where do you want to live when you are old and brittle? somewhere that has room service

27. Who is the person or persons you can count on most? my mom and my friends

28. If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?

Orlando Bloom

Brad Pitt

Johnny Depp

Enrique Iglesias

Brenden Frasier

The guy who played the Count in Count of Monte Cristo, actually he was Jesus too in Passion of the Christ, but he was hot in Count of Monte Cristo.

Gosh, there are more but I can't think of any.

29. What books have you pretended you've read? none, i love reading

30. What's a word you would use to describe your life now? interesting

31. Favorite drinking game? Blow Job

32. What did you dream last night? I can't remember???

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

01. Mal

02. Mallory

03. Mally

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

01. chasemm

02. chasemm09

03. machita09

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

01. I'm alive

02. My hair

03. I get along with most people

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:

01. that I am short

02. my head is really big

03. I tend to talk to much?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

01. French

02. Irish

03. Dutch

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

01. Losing the one I love

02. being alone

03. being buried alive

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

01. Defintely food

02. my computer

03. Ben, even though I don't see him everyday, but I wish I could.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

01. socks

02. blue sweatshirt

03. slippers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS:

01. No Doubt

02. Alicia Keys

03. New Found Glory

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:

01. take salsa lessons

02. losing weight

03. to save $$

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

01. love

02. love

03. being happy

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: which one's a lie though?

01. I have small boobs ( this one is a lie)

02. I am really tired

03. I miss Ben

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

01. didn't we have this question already??

02. Butt

03. Lips, and hair

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:

01. poop in a public bathroom, I can if there are lots of people making noise though.

02. pierce my clit, sorry ben

03. draw

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

01. scrapbooking

02. bowling

03. chilling with friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

01. sleeo

02. see ben

03. have sex

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:

01. own a home depot just for shits and giggles

02. stripper (well only if I can't pay off the loans.)

03. own my own photography studio

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

01. Italy

02. Alaska, I think i am going there next year or something

03. Chile

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

01. Have Kids

02. sky dive

03. Travel the world!

Hell of a day!

chasemm — 2005-01-27T07:01:56-05:00

So today was long as hell, but I made it through. My classes don't seem to be that bad, so I am thankful. I still have a feeling that I will be very busy this semester anyway though, I always am. I got something so incredible in the mail today. A WHOLE BOX OF SEX TOYS!!! It was exciting. Now before you go and think I am a perv, I would like to explain. I am a Passions party consultant, so I just sell sex toys. hehe I will probably test some out, but that is not the point. ;) I met with my mentor and she explained a lot of things to me and I am really excited to do parties. It is a lot of work to get everything set up and together but I think I am up for the challenge. If I do it right, I could make some decent money. I am really excited for tommorow , because 1) I don't have any classes and 2) i get to see Ben and its all because Harter is the awesomist person EVER!!!! She is coming from stevens point to Eau Claire to get me then bringing me back to SP, what a gal huh?? Ben sure has the best friends ever!! The ceos and corporate hoes party is going to be fucking awesome too!! I can't wait. adios.

My good lord!

chasemm — 2005-01-30T11:01:14-05:00

So Bens and Karens Birthday bash was this weekend was freakin off the hook!! Ceos and Corporate hoes!! My outfit was hott! I think you do a good job when your boyfriend who has known you since you were 16 doesn't even recognize you!! My job is done!! hahaha. That was by far the funniest party I have ever been too. I am not sure if it can be outdone, but I am sure the peeps from Stevens point will sure try! Well I am done talking, I need some sleep. I have a lot of stuff to do tommorow as always so I need my beauty rest!! adios.

yea...

chasemm — 2005-02-01T08:02:14-05:00

So this week is going good I guess. I wish I could be in Point tonight celebrating my boyfriends 21st b-day, but what can ya do!!! You better party it up BENJAMIN!!(but don't get too drunk ;) I ordered more passion party stuff yesterday and its exciting, now the next step is to get people to have parties!! I have a couple lined up, but I need more. Gosh, I am so tired I don't have much to say. I had all this stuff to write but now its all gone, oh well. Maybe I will try again later. adios

Holy sex toy batman!!

chasemm — 2005-02-02T03:02:42-05:00

So today I emailed every vagina I know and I got 3 people that wanted passion parties!! YES!! I am really excited now, a little nervous though. I have to know a lot of stuff, but I think with some hard work I can really do it!! If I can actually do this and make money I would be so proud of myself. And the girls having the parties I know so it makes it a little easier. well gotta a shit load of homework to do, adios.

someone shoot me now!

chasemm — 2005-02-03T02:02:59-05:00

So today sucks, I am so busy and so tired that I want to cry!! But that ok, because after 6:15, my weekend starts!! So not too bad. I can't say much but all I want to do right now is hug my boyfriend and sleep. adios

do be do be do...

chasemm — 2005-02-04T01:02:22-05:00

So I am sitting at the front desk trying to motivate myself to read my management, its not working to well. I need to do it though, because then that is less I have to do on Sunday, we shall see. The last couple weeks have been weird, I have been feeling really anxious and slightly "down" I don't know why?? Everything right now is awesome. School is going good so far, My passion party stuff is starting to take off( I have 5 people interested in a party) and Ben and I's relationship is just dandy, what the fuck??? Like the last couple of days have been fine. I think I have like anxiety disorder or something, because I feel like I can never get anything done and I have so much to do all the time and I feel so overwhelmed, when in reality I just need to chill out!! I wonder if I should see a doctor and see if its something really serious or something you just deal with, because frankly I hate feeling sad and anxious randomly for a week at a time, its sucks. Like I am happy, but I have this thing just sitting there like in the pit of my stomach and it won't go away. Who knows, I should look it up online and research and see what the fuck I should do. Maybe I should just "relax" before I go to bed everynight, maybe that will help. I guess technically last year I tested pretty high for Testing anxiety so I might have something with a fancy name attached to it, but I think I just have enough of my mother in me that I stress about everything. Thank god my dad is mellow and lazy and i got enough of that so I am not a complete psycho, don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she can be too uptight about things sometimes, so I am definitely glad I am a watered down version. :) Well I am gonna go, I am gonna attempt to read. Hopefully I don't fall asleep. adios.

mmmmm...

chasemm — 2005-02-04T05:02:37-05:00

So I had my two friends Shannon and Kesley over for breakfast and of course my roomies Kellie and Susan were here also. I made pancakes and shannon brough over bacon and cooked that, it was really good!! I should do that more often. I am not doing much today, Susan and I are going to work out, do laundry then work on our resumes. Tommorow night we are going to the bars which I am excited about because I haven't been to any in Eau Claire yet!!! Sad :( So that should be fun. Nothing else, just glad I didn't have classes today, it kinda screws me up though, cuz I think its saturday, but I guess I will live. haha! Well gotta go! adios.

How Kinky are you??

chasemm — 2005-02-04T09:02:56-05:00

Results of "The Test"

Are you kinky?
Your score = 65

You are very open-minded when it comes to sexuality. You welcome new experiences in the bedroom, and even if you aren't comfortable with a particular ingredient of sex, you don't judge those who indulge themselves. You seem to be one gutsy love-maker! You are evidently willing to experiment and are adept at using your creative instincts in the bedroom. Your approach is playful and fun and you're more than capable of walking on the wild side when the mood strikes - in fact, you have quite the appetite for the sexually daring. You are curious, adventurous and thrill seeking. If S&M, B&D, threesomes and swinging are your thing, however, proceed with caution - your wild disposition could clash with a loved one's more docile sexual temperament (not to mention the danger of STDs). Even fulfilling your wildest fantasy may not be worth losing the love and respect of someone special, so be sure to communicate and test the waters before making any leaps.

If you wanna know yours go here --->http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/kinky.html

ahhh release!

chasemm — 2005-02-05T12:02:46-05:00

So when you are running and you get in this ryhyme where you don't want to stop, that is incredible!! I feel so good after a good run/workout. I especially like working out on Saturday, because you can release the whole weeks worth of stress, which is fantastic. I am glad my roomie Susan is doing it with me, we keep each other in check when it comes to eating and exercising. I might actually accomplish something when it comes to my weight, YAY!! Now I am off to observe one of my sponser's passion parties so I can get a better idea on how they are run. well gotta go!! asdios.

weekend

chasemm — 2005-02-07T11:02:22-05:00

SO this weekend was pretty fun. On saturday I went to a Passions Party which was very informative. The only thing I didn't like was everyone was smoking the whole time, I am seriously going to die from second hand smoke!! And after that I went to the bars in Eau Claire for the first time!!(more smoke) It was a lot of fun. I was a little tired so we didn't stay too long, but I can't wait to go again. I got a little tipsy and then we ate Taco Johns, yum!! I went to Wal-mart yesterday and bought some stuff for my passion parties and got stuff for real cheap! I got binders for 10 cents each!! I use them as lap boards. I just cut them in half and each person gets one with stuff in it. Its great. This whole having your business is time consuming, but I really enjoy it and I am determined to do well. I have never had a rush like this with any other job I have had, its great. Maybe becuase its something I enjoy and I can make decent money. Well I am done talking now. adios.

Holy shit am I nervous!!

chasemm — 2005-02-09T12:02:25-05:00

Ok, so Tommorow is internship mania, which means Mal is nervous, because I have to impress people. Of course I am up to the challenge, but I am still a bit nervous. ALso i have an interview for the Target internship that I have wanted for months. Tommorow I am going to practice with Kellie on interviewing and questions, just so that I am prepared. I am really excited, because I know I am perfect for the job! Here is the description of the internship:

Position Description: STORE INTERN PROGRAM Target’s store internship program is a 10-12 week program that provides you with hands on experience in virtually every aspect of our store operations. A Target internship is as close to running your own store as you can get. After a formal training program, you’ll be assigned a department. In no time you’ll be making an impact with responsibilities for hiring, training, assessment and follow-up with your supervising team members. You’ll also be responsible for planning, directing and controlling all merchandise functions in your area of responsibility. We invite college students in the summer prior to their senior year to students with senior level credit hours to participate. We feel our internship program will help students choose their career goals – and we sincerely hope it includes Target !

Doesn't that sound fucking awesome!! Well if it doesn't then thats probably why you aren't a management major like me, I hope I get it, that would be the best, especially at $12 an hour. :) adios.

whew!

chasemm — 2005-02-10T04:02:00-05:00

So I just got back from my one hour interview!! I had two interviews actually. One with two people that was 20 minutes then another one with two people for another 20 minutes. They had some pretty intense questioning, basically about how you interact with a group and stuff. I am sure glad I was a supervisor at pick n save, or I would have had nothing to say!!! I think it went well and thank god my hell week and day are almost over! :) I am looking forward to spending time with Ben and everyone at point. adios.

going to see my great boyfriend....

chasemm — 2005-02-11T12:02:44-05:00

So I am going to see Ben this weekend!! Man 2 weeks seems like eternity! It should be fun. I am giving the Pointer girls a passion party, so that will definitely be a good time!! adios.!

your beautiful soul...

chasemm — 2005-02-13T11:02:58-05:00

So I just got back from Point and I had a great time. I seriously realized that I start to feel, after a couple of weeks of not seeing Ben, empty and kinda low on fuel. I seem worn out and stressed, but when I see him I feel like I have been recharged and ready to face anything. I never realized that until today. Its scary and wonderful all at the same time to know that you are with the one person that makes you feel perfect. I think its scary because now that you have this wonderful thing, you are afraid to lose it. I don't know, it was just a great weekend and I feel that our relationship is becoming better than ever and that I am falling in love with him more everytime I see him. :)................Ok, so I will stop gushing and stuff, but that is how I am feeling right now and so thats what I wanted to write about. Other than that, the passion party went great and Ben's girlfriends were so awesome and a lot of fun!! well I gotta go to bed, so adios.

hmmmm

chasemm — 2005-02-14T11:02:10-05:00

So I didn't sleep well at all last night!! It was probably because I had so much to do today that I couldn't relax. I hate that. But for some reason I wasn't really tired all day, so who knows. Today was pretty uneventful, just went to class, went to work, then was home all night, cleaning, organizing and doing homework. Nothing really exciting. I did get to take a 2 hour long Leadership Assessment test last night, that was freakin fun. I must say, shitty Pick N Save really helped me on that test, so I guess I can't complain about them too much. I have been drinkin out of my Target nalgene that I got from them at Internship mania hoping that will bring me luck!! haha, well hopefully it works. well i am tired, so I am gonna get to bed early. adios.

umm kinda mad..

chasemm — 2005-02-15T11:02:59-05:00

So I woke up today feeling like ass!!! I don't see how you can get sick over night. But anyway, I took some Nyquil and it is starting to kick in, which means sleepy time for me. :) I hope it goes away quick, cuz I hate being sick and I have way too much to do to be sick. Hopefully with lots of sleep and water, I will be ok soon. Well I hope all of you aren't sick, adios.

mmmm homemade remedies!!

chasemm — 2005-02-19T01:02:28-05:00

So I heard that if you mix brandy, lemon juice and Honey that it will make you feel better from a cold. So I thought I would try it......and it freakin works!! All you do is fill up a glass about half way, microwave it till its hot, then squeeze half a lemon in it, then put a good amount of honey in there, and put 2 shots of Brandy. Now you can put one shot in and it will taste fine, but I chose to put 2, cuz the Brandy is what makes you better. Needless to say it was very strong and I got tipsy, but thats ok, cuz I am feeling a whole lot better!! woo woo for home remedies! Also, the honey helps sooth your throat. :) I hope this helps anyone suffering from a nasty cold. If you can't get alcohol, then just drink hot water. The reason we all stay sick so long with a cold, is because the germs in you throat fester and mutliply and they keep "reinfecting" you, so you stay sick longer. So sleep a lot, drink lots of OJ and drink hot water to kill the germs. Ok, so now I am goingn to bed. adios.

do you mean what you say?

chasemm — 2005-02-19T10:02:50-05:00

So I am going out in a few hours to celebrate my friend Shannon's b-day. She turns 21 tommorow, so we have to wait until 12 to go out. The weather is real shitty here, which sucks. I am starting to feel a lot better. Now comes the coughing and nasty shit, but hopefully by Monday I should be ok. I don't want to snot all over peoples dildos!! haha, yea, so I am going to study some more then head to Brothers. adios.

ya no puedo mas

chasemm — 2005-02-20T08:02:33-05:00

So I have a week ahead of me. I have a passion party on Monday and Wednesday and 2 tests early next week and a speech. Now you may say that isn't bad, but I have to study for tests way in advance and I also have a million of pages of chapters to read in all my classes. And with my attention span, it is hard to read for very long. I am really excited about my passion parties because I think they are going to make a lot of money which will hopefully will then bump me up to the 40% profit level!! I am really excited!! But I gotta go help celebrate Shannon's birthday some more!! hehe adios.

umm why??

chasemm — 2005-02-21T07:02:43-05:00

SO I didn't sleep well at all last night!!....even though I was exhausted!! I took nyquil and everything and still nothing. I think its because the roomates have the heat on full blast and I am dying!! oh well, anyway, gotta go take a shower. adios.

not great

chasemm — 2005-02-22T12:02:56-05:00

So my passion party was fun, but not a lot of people and so I didn't make too much, but its better than nothing and I got practice. Wednesday I have another party and my friend said their would be 20 people there!! So that is going to be ridiculus, hopefully I make some good money! Well I am tired, so off to bed, hopefully I sleep tonight, unlike last night. :( adios.

woo woo!

chasemm — 2005-02-24T08:02:05-05:00

So My passion party went really well last night!! There were 14 girls and they bought a lot and they are still going to buy stuff!! YAY! I also got 3 new parties out of it!! So last night was good. I just have to get through today and I will be home free!!! Gosh I love 3 day weekends! :) adios.

happy

chasemm — 2005-02-24T07:02:48-05:00

So I am in a way better mood then I was in 2 hours ago. I was so so so crabby, just ask Ben!! Poor thing, I was a total bitch to him for no reason. :( But for some odd reason he puts up with it. :) I am done with classes for the week and all I have to do is go to a meeting at 7 and then I am done for the week. I do have a lot of studying to do, but I can handle that. I can't even believe its thursday!! I don't even remember what I did this week, its such a blur. Well, if Ben finds a ride he is coming to EC this weekend, which will be great!! But I am gonna go, maybe study before my meeting. adios.

God what a bitch!

chasemm — 2005-02-24T11:02:25-05:00

So I am a bitch. I just am. I hate that no sleep and stress make me that way and then I take it out on people who don't deserve it. It sucks. But this weekend is going to be getting my shit back in order and studying for all my tests next week. My wonderful boyfriend tried his hardest, but couldn't find a ride to come see me, which being the bitch I am made him feel bad about it. But I think, as much as I want to see him, its probably best to wait. We both had a horrible stressful week and I think we would both be cranky and irritable, so I think its for the best. We can relax and enjoy each other next weekend. Well I am going to take a nap, so I don't fall asleep at the front desk! adios.

holy packages batman!!!

chasemm — 2005-02-25T02:02:28-05:00

So today I got 4 packages!!! First, I got my digital camera back!! woo woo and it takes pictures again, I am so freakin happy! And it was all under warranty. Gotta love those. I also got my business cards, which are fuckin amazing, my gold labels that have my name, phone number, and email on them. They go on all my booklets and whatever else I want to put them on. I also got a name tag that says

Mallory Chase

Pleasure Consultant

Doesn't that rock??!!!! I also got more order forms and my sponser Hiedi sent me this cute charm pin for my first order and having my first party. Also When i put my order in from my wednesday party, I will have made over $1000 in sales, which means I will now make 40% of my sales instead of just 25%, I am sory but that is so rock star is not even funny. I am really excited that this whole business venture has gone so well!! I also got 3 parties booked from my last party and I am so excited about that!! Well I gotta go, OUr apartment is disgusting, so its Mal to the rescue, clean time!!adios.

horny as hell

chasemm — 2005-02-27T02:02:25-05:00

so I went to the bars tonight to support my friend aaron, he is running for student senate president. We all wore shirts to support him and we did a "bar" crawl thing, it was so much fun, we all danced and had a great time...but I wanted ben there, i miss him so much and I just want him to be here to give me a hug and kiss, :( I will just have to wait a week...well i am going to bed, i am fucking drunk and tired as hell, lots of studying for tommorow. adios.

why not...

chasemm — 2005-02-27T11:02:04-05:00

I'M A SURVEY WHORE

Stolen from beccajane who stole from scderek who stole from Kaj76 who stole it from Ghettofreak, and I stole it from harderharter. :)

F I R S T S :
-First job: cashier at the local wild rose grocery store, Benny's, an opportunity of a lifetime I'll tell ya. :)
-First funeral: my grandpas....:(
-First pet: Sandy, a shelti
-First tattoo/piercing: I have my ears pierced, no tatts yet and I am thinking of getting the nipples pierced.....seriously I am. ;)

-First credit card: Last year, they haven't gotten me into trouble yet....
-First real kiss: Awww Benjamin was my first kiss!!

-First love: I would have to say Nick Carter from the Backstreet boys...my first real and only love would be Ben

-First real enemy: ummmm, I am a nice girl and everybody loves me..there are some bitches out there who don't like me I am sure, but whatever. :)
-First favorite musician: Boyz II Men!!

L A S T S:
-Last car ride: driving back from Bakers square today for breakfast with Kellie and Aaron
-Last kiss: ummmm...I forget......ummm....2 weeks ago...:)
-Last relationship: ummm, well I guess ben is the only guy I have had a real realtionship with...so yea
-Last library book checked out: I really can't remember... I just buy books I want to read.
-Last movie watched: Minority Report
-Last beverage drank: ummm...I drank a lot of things last night, Jack Daniels Hurricane Punch, a screwdriver, sex on the beach, a bartenders special, and some beer....yes I was drunk last night. :)
-Last food consumed: popcorn!!
-Last time showered: today
-Last CD played: my mixed cd for working out, kick ass
-Last website visited: www.uwec.edu

N O W:
-Single or Taken: I am taken!!
-Crush: well I guess ben, cuz I don't see him for a while and then I feel like we see each other for the first time and so I don't know, yea, I am done.
-Birthday: 1/21/1984
-Sign: Aquarius

-Siblings: Younger sister Lesley(17), younger brother, Trevor(10)
-Hair color: Blonde, and I love my hair!!
-Eye color: blue...but sometimes they are greay or green, depends on the day
-Shoe size: 9
-Height: 5'3''

RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU...:
-Wearing: A green hoodie that I got from ben, cuz it was in there house forever and they gave it to me, and my grey sweats. I am one sexy bitch tonight
-Thinking about: my speech tommorow, ben
-Listening to: Josh groban
-Wanting: Sleep, see my boy...can you tell i miss him???

F A V O R I T E S:
-Favorite song: Oh my gosh, i have way too many, I guess anything josh groban, alicia keys, and many others.

-Favorite movie: anchorman, napolean dynamite, count of monte cristo, Princess Bride, The Notebook, many others, i just can't think right now
-Favorite show: the o.c., gilmore girls, man, so many others, again, I have been studying too much, can't remember

-Favorite word: seriously
-Favorite holiday: July 4th and Thanksgiving

R A N D O M:
-What are you going to do after this: watch some more oscars, practice my speech, then go to bed.
-Who's someone you wish you could sleep with but can't: oh man, brad pitt, orlando bloom, brenden fraser, the guy in the notebook
-Do you drink: yes i do
-How many times a week do you drink: well when i am in stevens point and I go to the bars here in EC, so I would say weekends
-Do you do drugs: no...
-Do you smoke: Fuck no!!
-Do you think you're attractive: Are you kidding?? I am fucking HOTT!! ;)
-Did you enjoy this survey: sure did.

no subject

chasemm — 2005-02-28T07:02:12-05:00

So pretty sure my speech is this morning. I am sort of nervous and sort of not. Its only a 3-4 minute speech and I am using powerpoint, so it should go well. I practiced quite a bit yesterday. I am just worried about screwing up my intro, but I have said it so many times...I hope it helps. Well anyway, I am gonna practice some more and get ready for class. adios.

I am really thinking God does hate me for some reason??

chasemm — 2005-02-28T09:02:11-05:00

So I am starting to think that as soon as life starts to look good, shit happens. My dad didn't get his job and now has been unemployed for 2 months. My mom is unhappy and is probably going to divorce him, because he thinks its no big deal that he doesn't have a job, when he is capable of getting one. Gosh, if there was one thing in life I want is a marriage NOT like my parents. They don't communicate, they just don't understand each other and neither is willing to give a little. It upsets me and its weird, but at the same time, my mom has been so unhappy for a long time and it hurts me to see her like that. I think she would be sucha better person if she didn't have to worry about my dad pissing her off. I know there are two sides and trust me I know them both, so I guess if they do get a divorce then I am sure it will be for the better, I just hope it doesn't fuck up my brother, who is only 10. Thats what I am worried about, but hopefully everything will work out in the end and maybe my mom will be happy for once...since it has been awhile. Well I am going to get back to the homework, yay for me. I just felt like venting. adios.

deja vu

chasemm — 2005-03-01T01:03:20-05:00

So I am been thinking a lot lately about my life and what I want and what I have. After hearing about my mom and dad, even though this is been a long time coming, I just got to thinking about me. Am I happy? I feel that I am happy, there is something missing, but I know what it is and I know how to try and get it...I just don't know if it will be given to me...ever. Its so hard to figure things out and make choices, because you may make the wrong choice. I don't want to make the wrong choice, I want to know exaclty what I need and who can give it too me. But of course, life isn't that simple, is it? Emotionally, I am at a loss. I just hope one day it will be better...or I don't know what to do if it doesn't? I guess I am done rambling, I just needed to say something, hopefully I will figure things out.

My only one....

chasemm — 2005-03-08T12:03:09-05:00

Well this weekend was great. I got to see Ben from Thursday until Monday. It was nice to be able to see him for more than a couple days. I realized a lot of things this weekend...One of them being that I don't know Ben as well as I thought I did. I realized that we are different than we were in Highschool, even though I knew that, I don't think I ever excepted it until this weekend. I realized that even though we have this connection, we do have small little things to work on, getting to know each other. Its amazing how you think you know someone, when in reality, maybe you didn't know them at all. Now I am realizing that.. and its by no means a bad thing..Just a realization that we have a lot of learning and growing to do and I am ready and willing. :)

In other news, I got a letter from Target today.....Obviously, according to them, I didn't have the qualifications for the job, even though I have plenty of managment experience, its crap, but whatever, I can always try next summer. I won't hear from Walgreens until next week. If I don't get that, then I will just be working 2 job this summer, no biggie, I have next summer to get an internship anyway, even though I am pretty bummed about the Target one, but everything happens for a reason, so hopefully its a good one. ;) Well I am freakin tired, I need some sleep, at least I don't have any 8ams on Tues/Thurs anymore, which means I can sleep another hour or so, which is fantastic!! adios.

I am special...

chasemm — 2005-03-09T01:03:23-05:00

So this week I am freakin special. First of all I left my purse with my phone and everything else at my boyfriends house, so I was without it for a day, which isn't bad, but still. Then On monday night I went to eat some supper and saw that the meat that I bought last wednesday was kinda brown. Now I know you have to freeze meat, but I wanted to make hamburger patties and I didn't have time to do this before I left for the weekend, so I left the meat in the fridge. So I figured since some of the meat was still red that I was ok....well not so much....Today I feel like ass, it sucks!! So I seriously need nametag that says...watch out I am special. I hope the rest of the week I can try to be somewhat intelligent. I am so pissed! That meat cost almost $9!! Now I have to throw it away, grrr! Oh well, its better than getting sick again. Today is going to be pretty boring. Just lots of reading and getting ready for a stupid presentation in Spanish tommorow and a quiz. Fun fun. :) Well I am going to stop talking now. adios.

no subject

chasemm — 2005-03-09T01:03:33-05:00

oh lab did suck!

......

chasemm — 2005-03-10T07:03:02-05:00

Can this day get any longer!! I am sort of almost done. I have a meeting and then a social that I am only going to for a couple hours then I am going home to nap, then to work, gosh, even my weekend is full, is spring break here yet??

ahh sex toys

chasemm — 2005-03-12T11:03:16-05:00

So I had a passion party last night and it went really well. I didn't make like tons of money, but I got a few parties out of it and now that I make 40%, I make a lot off even little parties. Plus I knew every single person at the party, so that was a lot of fun. :)

This weekend is going to be a chill weekend for me, I just want to get some homework done and just chill, don't feel like drinking really. I am going to Menomonee today to do special olympics for APO, that should be a lot of fun. Well I gotta go, I am going to workout then off to Menoms!! adios.

Ahhhh, life.

chasemm — 2005-03-13T06:03:24-05:00

So today I went to the Gym and ran for like 20 minutes, which is long for me. It was about 2 miles, which also is a lot for me. I just didn't get tired, I even increased my speed and still I wasn't tired. It was a great feeling and I feel great, except I am a little sore, but thats ok. Yesterday was fun, I volunteered at special olympics, which is always a blast, then I had some spaghetti dinner with Shannon and Kellie, it was so good!! Of course I ate way too much bread, but its my weakness, what can I say. :) This week shouldn't be too bad, I only have a lab exam for Geography and thats really it. I don't even have that much homework. My management teacher canceled class on Thursday, all we have to do is a little assignment and thats it. So that will be nice. I still don't know how I am getting home this weekend, my mom might have to come get me I think, but not sure. Also some more exciting news, my friend courtney from highschool might live with me this summer. My roomie kellie needs a subleaser so that would be great. She is just sick of appleton and the friends she has. She is going to try and transfer to woodmens in Lacrosse and then eventually find a job in Eau Claire. Then after she gets settled into her own apartment in the fall, she is goingt to save up to go the Tech here in EC. I am so proud of her, she is totally taking her life into her hands and doing something. She is losing weight and trying to become a better person, I really hope she can come to EC to live with me, that would be great! Hopefully breaking her lease a couple months early wont' cost her too much. Anyway, I am almost done with my 6 hour shift at the front desk and then its off to do some cleaning, passion party stuff, then some studying for my exam. Fun fun. :) adios.

hmmm...Mexico

chasemm — 2005-03-13T06:03:03-05:00

So, considering I might get this walgreens internship this summer, I know cuz my roomie got turned down and I haven't, I think I might study abroad in mexico next summer. Its only 6 weeks and I really want to get my spanish up to par and the only way to do that is to be forced to speak it everday. I have the GPA for it and I really want to do it. So i think i am going to if I get the Walgreens intership, if I don't get it, then I will be trying for another internship next summer instead, cuz i need one before I graduate. adios.

hmmmm

chasemm — 2005-03-14T10:03:24-05:00

Have you ever gone to health services to get the morning after pill...and it was for someone else?? Well I have and its kinda weird. hmmm..adios.

what a surprise!

chasemm — 2005-03-14T12:03:19-05:00

The Rock is Gay!! He came out on Ellen Degeneres's show yesterday or today, can't remember....I so called that!! :) adios.

school is boring...

chasemm — 2005-03-15T03:03:22-05:00

So school is so annoying. I just want to graduate and work a job. I know when I get to that point, I will want to go back to school, but I am starting to just poop out. I definitely think going home and relaxing for spring break is going to help.. a lot. My dad got a job, not a good paying one, but something, so that will make the tension at home a little less annoying. I am just really excited to go home and hang out with my sis and mom, I haven't seen them since january, in fact I barely talk to them. I email my mom just about everyday, but thats just not the same. Hopefully when I get back I will have more ambition. I just feel tired, like I just can't accomplish anything...its kinda annoying. I get plenty of sleep at night, but yet I always feel "tired" maybe I just need to do something else...I don't know what though, when I figure out why i am feeling like this then hopefully I can fix it. Well I gotta work on my homework before class. adios.

MOST OF IT IS TRUE What Is Your Best Sexual Skill? Nam

chasemm — 2005-03-16T08:03:41-05:00

GOT THIS FROM CRITICAL ERROR.

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?

Name:

Mallory

Age:

Sex:

Female

Sexuality:

Straight

Flirting Skill Level - 57%

Kissing Skill Level - 6%

Cudding Skill Level - 62%

Sex Skill Level - 75%

Why They Love You

You know exactly what they want.

Why They Hate You

You kiss better than them.

This fun quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 1852195 Times.

Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

grrr

chasemm — 2005-03-17T02:03:52-05:00

So i hate instant messenger, cuz nobody can understand things and then people misinterpret things....thats why talking in person or on the phone is better.adios.

fuckin snow...

chasemm — 2005-03-17T04:03:34-05:00

So normally I like snow...but quite frankly I am sick of winter and I am just ready for it to be over. I am kinda glad that my mom is coming to get me tonight and not tomomrow, cuz tommorow its supposed to like snow forever! Seriously annoying. I am leaving tonight to go home around 8, so I am excited. I am ready for a break, even though I am going to try and study over break, we shall see how that goes. I am really glad I decided not to work, I am just in the mood to chill out and that is exactly what I am going to do. :) I probably won't be blogging much because my dad's computer is slow as hell and I lose pacience after a while, so till March 30, adios!! ANd have a great spring break!!

A song...because I can't write poetry..

chasemm — 2005-03-22T01:03:22-05:00

I'll Always Be Right There
Words and music by Michelle Branch & Jenifer Hagio

When you're all alone,
And you need a light,
Someone to guide you through the night,
Just remember that I am here,
To hold you close and dry your tears.

Oh-ooh

And just when you thought you were falling,
But you know I'll always be right there.

When you're all alone,
And you need a friend,
Someone to help you to the end,
When you need someone to catch you when you fall,
I'll be there through it all.

Oh-oh

Just when you thought you were losing,
But you know I'll always be right there.

I'll be there through the good times,
And the bad,
And we'll be there for each other,
You're the best friend I ever had.

Oh-oooh

And just when you thought you were falling,
But you know I'll always be right there.
Oh-oooh whenever you need me,
I'll always be right there.

I'll always be right there...

why do they like me so much??

chasemm — 2005-03-28T12:03:05-05:00

So I am checking my email...ready for bed and the guy I used to date..Tom, IM's me. I was like great I am tired I want to go to bed..but I talk to him anyway...I am like hey....and he was like..."I miss you". Now let me explain the "extent" of our "relationship". We talked on the phone and online for about a month, we met once, and I knew the second after I kissed him, that he wasn't the one for me...well he fell a lot harder than I did and so it was hard to tell him that...cuz I hate telling someone you don't like them...it sucks. Well he made it easy and moved like 3 hours away from Eau Claire and I was like, thats too far away and it won't work. He thought it would work...but I put my foot down. I really haven't talked to him much since summer, but every once in a while he will im me, usually I am not here..but still. So now we are back to now. He is telling me he is sad and that he thinks we could have had a shot...I disagree. I am a firm believer in "feelings". Ya know, like butterflies and gut feelings. When I kissed Tom, there was nothing, no feeling at all. When I kiss Ben...its amazing..everytime. I don't even know how to describe the feeling that I do get..like nobody else exists and all I know is I don't want to stop. I feel happy, loved, sexy all at once. I really thought that feeling would go away after a couple months ya know after we were out of the "honeymoon" stage..but it hasn't..and I know it never will. I had to tell Tom that I had a boyfriend and that wasn't going to change. He was upset..but I know there is a woman out there that he will make really happy some day. :) Well I am really tired...so I am going to bed. adios.

Could you take it if I came clear?

chasemm — 2005-03-29T09:03:07-05:00

So starting yesterday I had a stuffy nose, now I am freakin sneezing all over the place! I am pretty sure its just allergies, cuz I don't "feel" sick, I am just sneezing a lot and I am clogged. Happy Spring! :( Anyhoo, I am trying to get back into school mode, I seriously just feel emotionally and physically drained, like I don't want to do anything anymore...I mean inside I want to do everything and get things done and do well and succeed, but I just can't get off my lazy ass...It is really frustrating. Maybe its just from the emotional rollercoaster I was on over spring break with my parents, it was just so stressful and hard to be around. They are just having problems and I wish I didn't have to know, cuz I am so emotional as it is, that I take everything to heart and I FEEL everything. I wish it wasn't that way..I always blow things out of proportion and end up assuming things..but then I feel if I let my gaurd down..then I will get played..ya know? I just feel like my soul is being pulled two different directions and I can't pick one, I don't feel like I am one person, its so hard to be at war with your inner thoughts all the time. Some days I wish I wasn't so emotional just that I could have some peace...but I guess that will never happen and I am just going to have to deal with somehow...I am also frustrated with school. I know that I need to work really hard to get good grades, but its so hard to study all the time when you have people around you who can study the night before and totally ace an exam. I just wish sometimes God would cut me some slack? All I know is I am not going to give up, I can't, cuz then I will have really failed and thats something I just can't do. Well with that said..I need to get to some homework. I feel much better now that I have shared all this. adios.

no subject

chasemm — 2005-03-30T04:03:03-05:00

Johnnie Cochran died today..I have no idea how..

Ya no puedo mas...

chasemm — 2005-04-02T02:04:12-05:00

So my passion party wasn't a huge turnout yesterday, but it still went ok. I have another one next week that should have lots of people...so we shall see. Today me and my roomies teamed up and cleaned the whole apartment...it was awesome. I also rearranged my room, which I like a whole lot better now. I lowered my bed too. Now I don't have to climb into it. Anyway, my night was fun, hanging with the girls and eating good food..but now I am going to bed..there is a FREE pancake breakfast tommorow morning and I am so there!! adios

god i am special...

chasemm — 2005-04-04T10:04:14-05:00

So funny story...Today I went to class and came back up around 9, well I come into my apartment and my door is closed. Now the doors here at Chancellors you can lock, so whenever you close the door it locks, you can unlock it too so it doesn't do that, but I had mine locked, so yea..needless to say when i came in i could not get into my room. So I had to spend 20 minutes trying to find the hall director and a janitor. I finally got the hall director to unlock my door. So I unlocked my door just in case I am special again. Anyhoo...my weekend was fun. Went to mall of america with susan, that was fun. I only bought a pair of jeans, which I love!! I also went over to my friend Shannons and Kelseys and grilled some hamburgers, it was awesome!! We had such a good time and it was so nice out, I love it! Other than that, didn't do too much this weekend. This week is going to be busy with all the stuff I have to do. I have a Test next week Tuesday that I have to do spectacular on and I have to turn in all this shit for my next speech on Monday. My actual speech isn't until the following monday, but we have to video tape ourselves and critique it, so that should be fun. I also have a passion party on Wednesday too. The nice thing about this week is that my 2 hour lab on Wednesday is canceled along with class on thursday from 11-12:15, so that is wonderful! I love that geography teachers go on all these field trips, which means they cancel class. :) Thats all I really have to say.. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I think I am going to take a nap. adios.

How high can you fly with broken wings..Lifes a journey not a destination...

chasemm — 2005-04-05T12:04:52-05:00

So today was really productive. I studied for Geography, did my Spanish for Business homework and finished one of the two scholarships due on Friday. I feel great! I even got some of my laundry done..the stupid blugold machine ate my $10! I was so pissed, thankfully Kellie paid for one load for me, so that was awesome. I will probably do the rest of my laundry later in the week, I really didn't have that much. So far my week seems a little better that I got all that stuff done, I feel like I can breath. I still have a lot to do, but I know I can get it all done and well. :) I have to change my catalogue year because I realized that would save me so much time! I would only have to take 1 credit of GE's rather than 6, so I am definitely going to talk to my adivsor about if I can still do it. I hope I still can. I am just going to graduate in 4 semesters. I wish it could be earlier, but I am ok with it. College is too much fun...I don't want to leave just yet. I guess I don't have anything else to say...I guess I am gonna fold my laundry then go to bed. :) adios.

Love is so hard...but so great!!

chasemm — 2005-04-06T01:04:54-05:00

So today I am officially a Double Major in Management and Spanish for business..what am I thinking?? Its probably a good thing for me to do, I have to be unique! I re-did my schedule again and 2006 is going to be kinda crapy. Both Spring and fall of that year I am taking 18 credits..which I have never done. So I am not sure how that will go, but I have to do it. I want to get out of here some day!! :)

I would also like to say that listening to Josh Groban always makes me in a better mood..he is amazing and he always gives me goose bumps, I love him! Also anything that is somewhat near Salsa sounding I love also, anything Hispanic! It just makes me happy, music is great. well I am done babbling, so I am gonna go exercise and get ready for my passion party tonight. :) hasta luego!

haha

chasemm — 2005-04-06T10:04:33-05:00

SO I had my passion party tonight and it went really well, there were like 20 people there, I don't think its going to make a lot of money, but hey whatever works. The great part was that the girls who hosted rented the social room in the dorms from 7-9 and right after us at 9 there was an abstinence talk!! haahahahhaa, is that not freakin hilarious?? the one girl actually came in and was like "we have the room at 9" and we were all laughing, but she was really nice. I just thought it was funny. Umm things here are ok, some stressful stuff going on in the personal life, but I hope that is all worked out soon and I know it will be cuz its something that is fixable, just needs to be talked about and stuff. :) Other than that I have a stressful day tommorow, but at least I don't have to go to my geography class, so I don't have class from 11-3, instead of like 1-3, so that is spectacular! Tommorow I have to do a business speech, i have to do it in one day! cuz I have to video tape it friday, cuz the video tape and a critique and my power point slides are due monday, even though I don't give the speech until the following monday. So I have to borrow a tape from my management professor and take notes, the work on my slides, fun fun! I also have to study hard core for my geography test this weekend and finish some scholarships for friday! Gosh I am tired just thinking about all that! Oh well, its ok, life just wouldn't be interesting if it weren't busy and stressful. :) well I am done talking about stupid shit, so I am going now. :) hasta luego

All the pain in your heart, all the tears in your empty soul...

chasemm — 2005-04-08T02:04:43-05:00

This is my new favorite song..I love simple lyrics...they can be so powerful and meaningful...

Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one touch and I'm on fire
One touch and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one smile and I'm wild
One smile and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Oh and you're so beautiful
My darling
Oh you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful
Oh my baby
You're so beautiful
And you're so beautiful
Oh my darling
Oh my baby
And you're so beautiful
HIM~Beautiful

Oh to dress like a slut...

chasemm — 2005-04-09T03:04:36-05:00

So the second addition of Ceo's and Coporate Ho's was tonight in Eau Claire, not as fun as the first..but still fun nonetheless. We hung out at tony's first..that was fun, I have so many pictures! I will definitely put them on webshots and let you all see them. :) So then we had a great idea to go to the bars..in our slutty clothes!! So we did and oh my god I got hit on like 4 times and I was only in one bar for like 15 minutes!! Of course I did have a suit jacket on with just a bra underneath, so that helped. They were stupid come on lines...I just laughed. It was way too crowded so we left after a little while and went back to tony's house, had toppers...then I got dropped off at home..I am a little tipsy, So i am going to bed now..buenas noches.

nothing else matters....

chasemm — 2005-04-10T01:04:33-05:00

So yesterday was pretty uneventful.. I got up late, showered went to the mall and to the grocery store. I got 2 cute shirst at JCpenny with my gift card that I still have from Christmans! That was nice. Then I got a couple of things at the grocery store, which I desperately needed. When I got home I studied for Geography for like 4 hours then susan and I watched bridgette jones diary 2 and ate really good chocolate ice cream! Fantastic. And then I went to bed. Today is all about studying my ass off. I must conquer my geography test, since it is like 20% of my grade! Seriously, why do professors do that? Kinda stupid if you ask me, some of us are bad at taking tests, anyway, thats the plan for the day...fun fun. Well I am done now, hasta luego!

Things are as they are..and there ain't nothing I can do to change that..

chasemm — 2005-04-10T11:04:17-05:00

I would just have to say that I feel very relieved right now. I felt like for the past couple of months someone has been putting weight on me and I have felt so heavy for awhile now. But after today all that weight has been lifted, because things have been worked out, I understand what needs to be done so that in the future things will be better. It sucks..but I will be fine...friendship is a very dear thing to me..I lost it once..and I will do anything to keep it. you are my best friend first and that is what I cherish the most. So don't worry about me, I am ok. Thats all I have to say...good night. :)

things that help me in those stressful times....

chasemm — 2005-04-11T09:04:52-05:00

1. My friends, you guys are great!! You are there to listen and you tell me what you think, not just what I want to hear.

2. Chocolate!!! I swear chocolate is the best remedy for stressful times, it so makes you feel better.

3. Exercising: Today I just kept running, I ran about 2 miles, which was like 21 minutes, its easy to do when you have so many things on your mind, time flies! I would probably scream everyday if I didn't exercise 3 to 4 times a week. seriously. Plus, I get lean and sexy in the process!! (even though I am sexy now, but still)

4. Josh Groban: His music puts me at ease and makes me feel good inside. His voice is so gorgeous and powerful, it gives me chills everytime and I listen to his songs a lot! Sad, I don't have either of his cd's...hmmm....???

5. Walking to and from class, the Eau Claire scenary is so beautiful and its so nice to have that 15 minutes to really think and enjoy the surroundings. Plus walking up that huge ass hill gets rid of some tension. I love it here! :)

6. Certain other people....you know who you are...even though you may think you stress me out..you still give me happiness and comfort..so don't think that you don't. :)

Ok, now I am done procrastinating studying...back to GEOGRAPHY!! oh god why!!!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-04-12T01:04:38-05:00

I am crying right now...cuz i hate life...I am this close to just getting as far away as possible and never coming back...why does nothing good happen to me....i am just so...fuck i dont care

ok...

chasemm — 2005-04-12T04:04:15-05:00

So I am slightly better now...I laid on my bed and listened to Josh Groban..his music really does help..thank god..or I would go nuts. At least my test is over, geography needs to rot in hell..so now I am off to my two afternoon classes, APO, then a passion party. I can't wait until I get home tonight to just chill out.

This isn't a poem..just something I wanted to write..

chasemm — 2005-04-12T10:04:58-05:00

I had to write this because I wanted to say it and i wanted to say it this way, this isn't a poem, just random sentences that I feel need to be said.

Don't think that all my hurt is caused by you, Its more of a sadness that I have that we cannot be together

I have many demons that pick at me everyday, trying to break me

Doing the right thing isn't easy, but it is still hard

Not to hear your voice, feel your touch...feel your love..

Everything worth having is worth fighting for and your worth having, whether you think that or not

There are many things that must be done, but in the end everything will be ok

I won't give up...I hope you won't either

Know that you have the world at your hands..you just have to decide what to do with it

Everyone has demons, its just figuring out how to fight them

Know that you are not alone...and I am always here to lend an ear whenever the moment arises

I don't hate you, I don't think I ever could..just know that love and support is what I have to offer you..and it will always be there no matter what.

What a beautiful day!!

chasemm — 2005-04-13T05:04:51-05:00

Ok, so I am in a much better mood today! I think just too many stressful things all at one time and I couldn't take it, but I am better now. :) I just went to the gym and ran 2 miles! It felt great and I have lost 3 pounds!! woo woo! So at least something that I am working hard it is paying off..unlike school..but whatever. I have really started to like exercising and it really makes me feel great. Hopefully things keep going this great..I am eating pretty healthy and I go to the gym at least 3 times a week, sometimes 4..so I think I should be one sexy bitch real soon. ;) Other than that, nothing much going on. I have to call Walgreens back today at 5 to see if I got my internship, its kinda annoying. Oh my passion party didn't go that well last night, not many orders. I have another one on Sunday, but after that I don't have any scheduled. I have been kinda neglecting the business, so I am going to start organizing myself and start advertising and getting more parties. I just need to regroup and have a plan of action and stuff. So yea..but I have shit to do, so I am done now.

no subject

chasemm — 2005-04-13T10:04:23-05:00

I am feeling really vunerable right now..................

how high can you fly with broken wings...

chasemm — 2005-04-14T05:04:46-05:00

Ok, so this week just seemed like a really long bad day.. I am glad it is almost over. I think I am going to spend a little time with someone this weekend............................................................me. I just need to collect my thoughts and figure out what I am feeling and how to proceed now. I hate not knowing, but I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens. I don't want to be "single" right now, in fact it sucks. But one thing I do know, I want to be happy and even though right now I am feeling like somebody kicked my ass...twice..I still know in my heart that this is the right thing..and I also know that one day things are going to be better. I just want one day to get here. :( I have thought about it a lot lately and realized that I haven't been myself completely in the last couple of months and that scares me. So the mission is to bring back the real Mallory and show people thats who I am, I have felt like such a sobbing vulnerable mess and I quite frankly don't like it. So I am definitely going to fix that. I just need to live my life and if my soulmate comes back to me then so be it, but if not...I know I will have a best friend for life. :) I want to get to know the person that I thought I knew so much about, when in reality I don't know as much as I should. All I want is to be able to talk and get to know the person that I hope one day will feel like he is ready to be with me. Anyway, I am done now. I have class then home to work on my online photo album, then to work. adios.

this is going to be long...

chasemm — 2005-04-16T01:04:42-05:00

why do things happen? why can't things just be..? I mean why can't one thing in my life just work..I just am so empty right now..so empty I don't know what to do...I am so lost...crying doesn't help..nothing does...since I was little..I've wanted that feeling...the feeling that when you are with someone, nothing else matters..well I found that feeling..and thats great...but what happens when you can't have it anymore. I have had this feeling since I was 15 years old...and I have thought and thought about why I had it and why I still have it. It just won't go away no matter how hard I tried in the past to get rid of it...it was always there...now see if I didn't have this feeling this wouldn't be so hard..but I do. I am a firm believer of "love just sometimes isn't enough" but I am also a big believer in doing everything you can do make something work..then if it doesn't, you know you did everything...Now I know saying all this isn't going to bring what I want back..I know that..I am not stupid...Maybe in a few weeks or months I will not feel the same way...I thought that almost 2 years ago...but I was wrong, it never stopped. Maybe I am being foolish into believing one day I will get to have that feeling back..but to me that feeling isn't something that happens every day and its definitely something I don't want to throw away. Yea, there is probably someone out there that can give me the world, but they can't give me the one thing I crave..and to me that one thing is worth fighting for...maybe certain people will think I am crazy or stupid...see having love is the first step, the rest of the shit is the hardest part, love to me is the easiest part..you don't have to work at being in love, but you do have to work at all the stuff that comes along with it. I am not going to be happy for a long time, that I know...my whole life was just ripped out of me...I feel like nothing matters right now... I know I am being ridiculus becuase I am emotional and shit..but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just want to fucking beat the shit out of something....I am pissed.. so mad..not at anyone..but that I am not getting my way..maybe that is childish, i don't know..maybe I should stop talking now.. but shit I talk..and I don't shut up..everything I have every worked hard for has never turned out...nothing...school...love...i don't even know why I bother anymore...supposedly hard work pays off...but I think thats a load of crap. It doesn't pay off....it really doesn't..well I am just going to stop now

I have some more shit to say..

chasemm — 2005-04-16T02:04:39-05:00

So I took a long shower and realized that this whole break up is something I need also.. I mean my life is just not what I want..I mean, like I can't give anything 100% nothing.. i just don't put full effort into anything..and that bothers me. I just don't feel I have pushed myself enough in school or in anything..Ben and I have love..we do...but we both are just so confused about life that we can't function together right now..just this time wasn't the right time..maybe one day the right time will come..if not thats ok too...I just have a lot to work in my life...with me. I need to just be me and do what I know i need to do...Its amazing all the things that come to you in the shower..YES, i am heartbroken, but things can only get better..from now on I am going to just live and put forth 100%, i just need to for my sanity..well I think I am exhausted enough to go to sleep, so good night to all.

I always feel this way....

chasemm — 2005-04-18T08:04:27-05:00

So my passion party last night was a huge success!! So far the total sales were $250, and there are a few girls that still need to order, so about $120 dollars for me! I so need it. Also I have a girl who is interested in becoming a consultant, which means I will make 3% off of whatever she makes and I also have 2 girls who want a party! Seriously, awesome! This weekend was pretty boring, despite my emotional rollercoaster, but all I did was study sadly enough, but I think it will pay off, so that is great. I just want tuesday to be over so I can relax a little, even though I have to start studying for a spanish test that is maybe next week, we don't really know. Our teacher had to go for hand surgery and we are not sure when she will be back, so yea. Other than that I have my speech today, I think i will do well, I practiced it enough, so we shall see. Well I gotta eat and shit, so hasta luego!

more shit...

chasemm — 2005-04-18T04:04:07-05:00

So I have some more things to say about my life...So I finally received a formal "no" from Walgreens last week, kinda bummed about it, but oh well. I found out from somebody that the Mega Pick N Save's here in Eau Claire are looking for Supervisors and they probably make around 8 to 9 dollars an hour, with experience, which I have. So I am going to apply for those or work at Menards Distribution center and suck it up and make money. If I get pick n save, i will probably get another part time job as well. ALso something cool, next semester I have NO 8AM CLASSES!!! WOO WOO!! Mon/wed/fri I start at 10, and Tues/THurs I start at 11, so I am pumped. I only got one of my spanish classes though, but thats ok. I have 4 semester to drag out 5 spanish classes so no biggie. So today is all about Management and studying..so I am gonna go so I can get to the library and study.... :)

oh what a day

chasemm — 2005-04-19T11:04:25-05:00

so i am too tired to write about my day...so I will write something tommorow.....

YAY!!

chasemm — 2005-04-20T03:04:21-05:00

So today I went to my interview with Mega Pick N Save, now I know some of you know me and yes I did work at a pick n save before and yes I hated it...but this pick n save is offering me a great supervisor job and better pay, not a whole lot more, but still. I really want the experience, it will be so good for me in the future. I literally am trained to know how to work every department and learn how to run the store. I am also in charge of the front end and I am in charge when the store mananger leaves, its a job I want so bad. The interview went fantastic!! I was in there 2 hours! The women who interviewed me like me a lot and things went so well, I mean she said I was definitely getting a phone call for a second interview. I am so glad I made that phone call and that I was aggressive on the phone or otherwise I wouldn't have gotten the interview. I just hope the store directors like me, because that is who will be interviewing me next. I am really excited and happy...but I still know that I may not get it, so I am still going to look for other jobs.

Anyhow, on to other things, my schedule for next semester is incredible...the best thing is, no 8am classes!! I am so excited here it is:

Mondays: 10-11, 2-3, 3:30-4:45

Tuesdays: 11-12:15, 12:30-1:45, 2-3

Wednesdays: 10-11, 2-3, 3:30-4:45

Thursdays: 11-12:15, 12:30-1:45, 2-3

Friday:10-11

I am pretty happy with it, except for the fact that I have to take caculus, not too excited about that, but I got one of the good teachers, so I have heard, so we shall see. Life right now is much better than last week was, I am still sad about certain things, but in general I am trying to be really positive about everything, but it makes it easier to deal with. :) Also my speech on Monday went really well and the test on Tuesday in management didn't go as well as I had hoped...I don't think I got the grade I wanted, but hey, I had a bad week and weekend, and I was exhausted from not sleeping, so what do you do? I have one more test, so I am going to work my ass off to do well regardless of how I do on this last one. Anyway, I am done writing a novel, I need to go exercise and then get some stuff done...so hasta luego!

Professors are ridiculus!

chasemm — 2005-04-21T01:04:14-05:00

So today I go into Spanish Phonetics and was told we are going to have a test on Tuesday! Even though two days ago she told us we weren't having a test, I am kinda pissed. Although our sub told us everything that is on the test and it shouldn't be really hard, but still. I guess its better to have a small test than one with a million chapters.

Anyway, in Geography today, we watched a video that was a collaboration of all the amateur videos taken from the Tsunami over in Idonesia. It was really interesting and also very upseting. I hadn't seen many videos of the actual wave and it was massive. That is why I will never live on a coast, because they are prediciting it will happen to the U.S., they just don't know when. I like where I am, right in the middle. I could babble on about how people living on a coast are kinda stupid, but what does it matter? They want that beautiful view every morning, but one day the ground underneath is going to erode or a huge wave will engulf it. Either way its just not safe and logical to do. But I am done talking about it now.

there is always a song that describes what your going through...

chasemm — 2005-04-22T02:04:53-05:00

"Security"~Joss Stone~

A loss that would have thrown
A hole through anybody's soul
And you were only human after all
So don't hold back the tears my dear
Release them so your eyes can clear
I know that you will rise again
But you gotta let them fall
I wish that I could snap my fingers
Erase the past but no
You cannot rewind reality
Once the tape's unrolled

If your spirit's broken and you can't bear the pain
I will help you put the pieces back
A little more each day
And if your heart is locked and you can't find the key
Lay your head upon my shoulder
I'll set you free
I'll be your security

A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
But don't go giving into fear
Stop hiding all alone in there
The show keeps going on and on
But you'll miss the whole damn thing
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future holds
But we don't know how the story ends till it's all been told

On any clock upon the wall
The time is always now
So baby kiss the past goodbye
Don't let the future blow your mind
Just sit back and chill
Take things as they come
You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way

You got that certain something, what you give to me, takes my breath away...

chasemm — 2005-04-22T06:04:21-05:00

Yesterday was definitely interesting. First, I went to the date auction, but first I will give you a little info so you know why. My organization WMMA and the UWEC Baseball team needed money so we decided to do a date auction. The boys team auction off boys and our organization auctions off girls. We got all the prizes, like a bunch of gift certificates to restaurants and the boys did all the advertising. They got Z100 to come down, which was a lot of fun. So I got bid on by a guy in my organization, but he has a girlfriend. There weren't any guys in the crowd, mostly girls, so it was really hard to get any bids. I tried to convince some of the baseball players by telling them that I sell sex toys and that I know everything about sex...it was funny. Then since I didn't get any reaction from them, I went to the girls and said if you bid on me I will give you a free toy and a party for you and your friends. Still, I got nothing, but thats ok. Then I went home to relax and watch some of my shows, like CSI and Missing without a Trace, but at 8:30 there was a knock at my door and it was the pledges from APO, it was NAPKID. So NAPKID is a party that the pledges have to throw, but its totally secret. None of the actives know when it is, even though we try to get it out of them all semester. They then have to kidnap us the night of the party and we go and have a great time. Well I went and it was fun! I wish I wouldn't have had to work, cuz I would have gotten drunk, considering it was free wop! and other stuff. :( Oh well. I am going to put the pictures up my website soon. I also got a call from Pick N Save this morning and my second interview is on Monday at 4, so I am pumped. This weekend is going to pretty much about scrapbook for APO and doing a little studying for my Phonetics test. I honestly am so broke, I can't even buy some alcohol, but thats ok. I have been seriously stressed when it comes to money, just so many bills and shit. But I have been working and doing what I can. I think I might be buying a car when I go home in a week, hopefully I can find what I want. Anyway, I have to go exercise and then start on scrapbooking. hasta luego.

Cleansing the soul....

chasemm — 2005-04-22T09:04:18-05:00

I would just like to say that exercisng is so incredible! I could have kept running forever..I ran for 30 minutes today or about 2.5 miles. I mean once you start exercising you just can't stop, plus you just start seeing results, so then you want to exercise more. Its tough to start, but easy once you get going. Man, I seriously feel great..and I am starting to look great too!! :)

Una vida sin un amigo, es una muerte sin un testigo.

chasemm — 2005-04-23T01:04:18-05:00

So I am thinking that Joss Stone is my new favorite singer. Her music is incredible! Her voice is so sultry and soothing, I love it. Her lyrics really hit home, describing exactly what I am going through in my life right now.

My weakness is that I care too much, the scars remind us that the past is real..

chasemm — 2005-04-24T01:04:51-05:00

I want someone to tell me what to do..I can't deal with it anymore. My life just seems pointless, no matter how hard I try, I can't figure it out. I mean I will be so positive and happy and then a few hours later, just be in the worst mood. I don't want to feel this way, I don't, I want it to go away. I am just so overwhelmed with life that sometimes I just don't care about anything. I feel so annoying lately, I mean why can't I just be normal, I always feel like I talk too much, that I am constantly interrupting people, and I know I am, but I can't fix it, I am just fed up with things right now and I think just too many things all at once makes me feel so overwhelmed, My heart can't take it. I am sure I will be fine, but I want it to be that day when I am. I am sick of crying, I am sick of not knowing, I am sick of being denyed what I crave and love. But whatever, see now I just feel annoying for saying all this, I just feel like nobody cares, really... Oh well, there is no point in crying about it, anyway, I am done being pathetic, I have to wake up in like 5 hours to work at the front desk..so hopefully I am in a better mood tommorow..anyway...

no subject

chasemm — 2005-04-25T08:04:28-05:00

A - Age you got your first kiss: 16, yes I know I am a dork

B - Band listening to right now: Joss Stone

C - Crush: no one at the moment

D - Dad's Name: Leslie, but everyone calls him Mike

E - Easiest person to talk to: all my best friends...basically anyone, I just talk a lot, so anyone that will listen to me

F - Favorite bands at the moment: Joss Stone, Josh Groban, Evanesence, Metallica, Aerosmith...pretty much everyone

G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: worms

H - Hometown: Wild Rose

I - Instruments: Clarinet

J- Junior High: Mahaffey Middle school in Ft. Campbell, KY

K - Kids: love em...well when they are not screamin and shit

L - Longest car ride ever: from Tennessee to California...long as hell

M - Mom's name: Deborah

N - Nicknames: Mal, hmmm thats about it

O - One wish: To be happy with someone I love

P - Phobia[s]: Getting married and then eventually having a loveless marriage

Q - Quote: "Life's a journey, not a destination" Aerosmith
R - Reason to smile: Knowing that happiness isn't far off...

S- Last song you heard: Nelly Furtado, "Powerless"

T - Time you woke up [today]: 7:20 m

U - Unknown fact about me: I have a secret obsession with tea sets...I love them!!

V - Vegetable you hate: brocoli

W - Worst habit(s): giving too much

X - X-rays you've had: stomach, teeth, knee, lots of things
Y - Yummy food: Italian

Z - Zodiac sign: Aquarius

ahhh life so complicated...

chasemm — 2005-04-25T11:04:58-05:00

So my friend is going through some of the same guy issues that I am going through and I would just like to comment on them. So a little history....Now this guy has liked my friend for awhile and he finally got his chance this semester, so they hung out and started dating. Well he won student body president and he was really busy..so he broke up with her because he couldn't give her the time..well that lasted about a day...and this has happened now like 7 times..he has broken up with her...he said that he is depressed and has issues with his life, but he wants to be with kellie...so instead of being a man and realizing that he needs to fucking fix his shit...he just keeps going back to her a day after he breaks up with her and poor girl wants to be with him and can't say no....and saying no to someone you want to be with isn't easy...so this last time he broke up with her because he said he couldn't be with her over summer because he didn't want to have a commitment with a voice....ok, so that is shit...what he is really saying is that he won't make the effort to make things work..or can't make the effort...I am sorry, but its utterly ridiculus relationships take work, I don't care how much of a connection you have or how much you love each other, being with someone takes work...life is hard, but it takes a real strong person to realize they have a problem and it takes an even bigger person to tell the person they love that they can't be with them anymore because thats the only way they can fix things....so he needs to learn and understand this and figure it out, deal with it and if when things are figured out he wants to be with her still, great, if not then life goes on...

I would just like to say one last thing....Ben I have so so so much respect for you, you have no idea, cuz what you did wasn't easy, but you knew it had to happen and I am glad you had the balls to do it. Because after being around my friend and seeing her being emotinally pulled around I realized how lucky I am...

I don't know what the future holds for me or for my friend...but I do know that I have learned a lot about love, life and about myself in the last 3 weeks or so..and I know that things will work out in the end, no matter what happens...so I am done with my rant now..

ahhh interviews

chasemm — 2005-04-26T01:04:08-05:00

So I spaced yesterday and forgot to talk about my second interview! So I went back to Pick N Save for my final interview yesterday with the 3 store directors. Things went really well and they seemed to like me and were impressed by my answers, so I think the only way I won't ge the job is because they want to hire internally first, so if there are qualified people who work there, they will probably get it, but they said they would love to hire me anyway, and I want to work there, cuz there is a 3rd supervisor position opening in the future, so if I work there that gives me a better chance. Well I am gonna go work out now, hasta luego

Scars remind us the past is real..

chasemm — 2005-04-28T02:04:12-05:00

Well I haven't said much this week, really nothing to say...I am really glad today is almost over, I took my Phonetics test today...It wasn't too bad, i think i did ok. Also, I have a date on sunday!! How exciting is that! Well its on sunday if I get back at a decent time, if not then probably next week sometime. It feels weird to be going out with someone else, but I feel that its time to move on, he is a really great guy and we get along so well, so we shall see how things go....anyway, I gotta get my lab done, cuz its due by 5pm tonight, then I am napping then off to my last class...

don't wanna try no more....

chasemm — 2005-04-29T02:04:10-05:00

So I am going home tommorow, I am really excited to see the fam and look for a new car!! YAY! I think I might get one, from what my mom has told me. She has been really awesome and has been looking for stuff and calling people for me, she is the bestest mom ever!!! :) Well I got my Pick N Save job! Thats exciting. Technically I didn't get the supervisor position I wanted, but they are starting me at customer service and training me to be a supervisor then down the road I will actually get it. I think I am starting at $7.25, its not a lot, but its better than other jobs I have had. I am pretty sure I am going to get another job. I am trying for the gym here on campus, cuz I could do my homework there. Unfortunately I have a summer class, but its online, so its not too bad. Well anyway, I am done writing now, have a great weekend!!!

ahhh adulthood

chasemm — 2005-05-02T06:05:17-05:00

Hey, so I know I promised a pic of my new car...but don't you worry it will come! My weekend was awesome! I spent some quality time with the family, it was great! I really had deep convos about life with my mom and my sis and it made me think a lot about my life and how I have been handling things. I feel I have grown up so much in the past month and come to terms with a lot of faults that I have and also a lot of strengths. I am finally at peace with things and moving on with my life..even though I am not letting go of things, its just the healthy thing to do is move on. Speaking of that, I was supposed to have a date yesterday, but it didn't happen due to miscommunication. So we rescheduled for Thursday! I am really excited. Other than that, I am trying to get everything I need to get done in a 3 week span, its going to be rough, but thank god school isn't as stressful this semester or I would DIE! Well I am don babbling now, I will try to get my car stuff on tommorow!

I'm Not givining in this time..

chasemm — 2005-05-05T09:05:17-05:00

Wow, I really haven't been blogging much, probably because of how busy I am! Its ridiculus! I will get a pic of my car up here one of these days, I just keep forgetting. :) Life here is same old same old, nothing really to talk about. I just want the next two weeks to be over, so I can just work and do my summer class. Gosh, I was going to say some stuff, but now I forgot what I was going to say...haha, sad. Anyway, I am done now.

YAY for girls night out!

chasemm — 2005-05-08T02:05:20-05:00

So I am back from being out with my friends, it was so much fun! It was nice just to get out and have some drinks and not think about life for a few hours, definitely something I needed. I haven't been out forever! I am dreading this next week, it is going to be completely awful, but once friday hits, I am home free! I only have two finals and both are just regular tests. My management test is only two chapters, which totally made my semester! Ok, so anyway, I am done babbling now, I am going to bed, cuz I have lots to do tommorow. Buenas Noches!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-05-08T09:05:17-05:00

Here is my new car! Its a 1997 Saturn. I know its not my dream car, but it runs well and it gets me where I want to go. Its fully loaded which is sweet! I have a cd player, sun roof and leather seats. I love it! Wish it was a different color, but I don't really care. Well I have a lot to do and I wanted to show ya guys the car. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

I'll always be right there...

chasemm — 2005-05-09T10:05:17-05:00

When you're all alone,
and you need a light,
someone to guide you through the night,
just remember that I am here,
to hold you close and dry your tears.

Oh-ooh

And just when you thought you were falling,
but you know I'll always be right there.

When you're all alone,
and you need a friend,
someone to help you to the end,
when you need someone to catch you when you fall,
I'll be there through it all.

oh-oh

Cause just when you thought you were losing,
but you know I'll always be right there.

And I'll be there through the good times,
and the bad,
and we'll be there for each other,
cause you're the best friend I've ever had.

And just when you thought you were falling,
but you know I'll always be right there.
oh-oooh whenever you need me,
I'll always be right there.

Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces, Can't deny, can't pretend...

chasemm — 2005-05-10T12:05:38-05:00

Ya know, one year ago I was happy. Ready to take on life. Now it seems like I can't even function. There are so many things right now making me unhappy. I mean I am ok, just frustrated with life. Financially I am freaked out..I have a littel credit card debt, but my school debt is enormous! I am scared to graduate and have to face that. I mean, I still have 2 more years, but they go fast. I know I will be fine, but to think about leaving college and all the great friendships and bonds that I have is so utterly sad. I mean I will still talk to all my friends, but it just won't be the same. I just feel I haven't really really found what I am good at. I feel that management is what I can do, but then I still have my doubts. Also, Spanish, I could be good at it, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to sit down and read spanish everyday, which is what I have to do. I just want summer to be here, so I can think. Think about life. I AM happy to a point, but there are things missing...but I will find them someday. I just need a change of scenery I think. I will be moving into my new apartment in a few weeks and starting a new job, so I think that will help a lot. This semester has been so emotionally draining, I mean my dad losing his job, then my mom and dad just hate each other, and becoming single again, which was a hard thing to deal with. I feel I dealt with it the best way possible...lots and lots of crying. Its amazing how it helps. Also, all of my friends, they have been so great in supporting me....I don't know what I would do without them. Also, my mom and sister, they are my rock, they support me in everything that I do and I feel I have grown very close to them this past year and it will be hard not to see them a lot this summer. But now I must finish off this semester and move on. Life has its ways of surprising you.

I pray for this heart to be unbroken...

chasemm — 2005-05-11T07:05:38-05:00

So after 11am today, I can somewhat breath, even though I have shit to do yet...Lets hope my speech and Test go well today... :)

hmmmmm

chasemm — 2005-05-12T12:05:49-05:00

So I have two dates with two different boys.....this ought to be interesting...

I got a right to be wrong...

chasemm — 2005-05-13T02:05:24-05:00

So my week is finally over, well except for tommorow. I have to finish the DVD for APO, which is almost done. I have to add a few pics, then a few video pics, add some music, then burn. I am hoping it doesn't take too long. It is due by 6:00pm Today(Friday), but I have a date at 3:30 and the lab opens at 12pm. Can I do it in 3 hours? We shall see.

On another note, I am done with all my classes. All I have left are two finals, which aren't cumulative, WOO HOO! And my management is only on 2 chapters, so that makes my day. I also have to write a reaction paper on "My Fair Lady" for Phonetics by monday, but that shouldn't be too hard. I am just glad this week is over. It was long, but I got through it. I am really excited to work my new job and just make some money. I also might have a job keeping score for softball here in the area, which is $6 an hour, so that is nice. The goal for the summer is to A)build my Passion Parties business B) Pay off my credit card bills C) Work out and get into great shape D) And whatever else happens.

The last couple of months have been emotionally draining, but I am happy that good things are happening for some people, that makes me feel really good. Its almost a blessing in disguise, because the next 2 years in school for me aren't going to be easy, so I guess the less stress I have the better. Who knows, I know things will work out in the end for me, well I hope. I am going to do a lot of soul searching this summer and really figure out what my plans are for the next couple of years, because graduation will be here sooner than I think and I want to be ready. I am just ready to start a new phase in my life. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-05-14T06:05:58-05:00

I had a GREAT time last night!

Thougths from long ago...

chasemm — 2005-05-14T07:05:06-05:00

So I found this poem that I wrote in high school and I thought it was fitting for what I have been going through..

I cry at night and I don't know why

I cry at night thinking I wanna die

I cry because I feel like crying

Why do I just cry and cry but can't think of a reason why

How do you tell someone you cry when all they ever see is a smile

Everyone thinks that everything is ok, when it is not

Most think crying is for the weak

But really crying is for finding out whats wrong in your life

And trying to figure out why all you feel is sadness

How does one who always had a smile on their face, cry so much

And how does one find all the joy they had and leave the sorrow behind.

ahhh shit why not?

chasemm — 2005-05-15T11:05:50-05:00

You're sweet, but not naive -- though you like to be babied like a child at times. You prefer to have a bad boy by your side, but sometimes have problems understanding why he has to run off to take care of business. You want to settle down, yet deep down inside, you are excited by the surprises life throws your way.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

My weakness is that I care too much....

chasemm — 2005-05-16T06:05:27-05:00

Yesterday I went to a Passion Parties meeting in Appleton. It was so much fun! I got to get to know a couple of the woman and they are so great! I haven't had that much fun in awhile. I learned a lot about running my business and after finals I am really going to concentrate on building it up. I need to have a plan and figure out shit. I have a girl who wants to be a consultant, so that is really exciting! Cuz I make money off of her. The past couple of days have been really positive and I am hoping that they stay that way. I just really need to get focused and thats what I am doing this summer. I am just really at peace with things now and I am glad. I am sure I will have my bad days, we all do, but for now everything is pretty good. I have just felt really empty the past couple of months and its a feeling that I hate having. There are many things that have made me feel this way, not just one particular thing and its been a struggle trying to figure things out. So life is good for now. :) Now its time to hardcore study for management for like 4 hours so that I can go hang out with shannon and kels. Hope finals are going great for everyone who has them! :)

One Final down....One more to go!

chasemm — 2005-05-17T05:05:58-05:00

Tear my heart open, just to feel...

chasemm — 2005-05-18T02:05:24-05:00

So tonight was fun. I went over to Shannon and Kelsey's for the second night in a row. Shannon and I had had a heart to heart, cuz she has been going through a lot of the same stuff I have and she wanted to talk about it. Its just really nice to know that someone else is going through the same thing, cuz then you don't feel so alone. It was an awesome talk. Then some of Kellie's guy friends came over and just now left...they are coming back tommorow and they are teaching us to play beer pong..this is going to be interesting. But I don't have a final till Friday morning, so why the hell not? My one final did go pretty well today, it only took me 30 minutes to do it, so that was awesome. It was pretty easy, so that made me feel a little better. Now all that is left is Geography on Friday and I am done! YAY! Anyway, I am really tired, off to bed!

mmmm, gourmet!

chasemm — 2005-05-18T10:05:03-05:00

So tonight Susan and I cooked for Ken! He is our bests friends boyfriend and she(Elise) is in Spain. He has been pretty bummed about her being gone, so we figured we would make him some dinner. It was a lot of fun. Susan made a delicious dessert and I made italian chicken and some rice. Ken brought over some wine to go with, so definitely a great meal. Tommorow I am going to help him pick out something special for Elise, so that should be fun.

One more thing...I am sick of flakey boys...seriously....I think I am going to stay single for a long time, cuz dating is annoying...

Tears for Water

chasemm — 2005-05-18T11:05:54-05:00

I love listening to the rain...its so comforting... :)

The End is in sight....

chasemm — 2005-05-20T12:05:31-05:00

Tommorow I take my last final of the semester. Its really weird, because when I went in to get my book for my summer class, it said Senior on the sheet I had to sign to check out the book, WEIRD! I mean, its just really surreal that I am going to be senior in college! Even though I still have 2 years left its kinda scary and exciting to think that I will be a college grad soon, I mean quite honestly I am reallly proud of myself, I know I could have done better in some classes, but I have really learned a lot. I have grown so much as a person and I don't know if I would have learned them living at home working at the local grocery store. I have had so many wonderful experiences and I know the next two years are going to be just as good. I am really starting to realize whats important in my life and that I need to start putting Mallory first for a change. I mean I feel like I just constantly give and I get nothing in return, even though thats not why I give. I try to not be that way, buts its just who I am and I like making other people feel good. I mean all my friends are great, don't get me wrong, but I just feel that my life isn't balanced. I think it has a lot to do with my best friend Elise not being here this semester, even though my friends here have been fucking awesome! But Elise and I have such and awesome bond and I have missed her a lot. So right now I am just ready to start the summer and re-prioritize my life.

da bars...

chasemm — 2005-05-21T01:05:10-05:00

So I went out to celebrate my first roomie's 21st b-day tonight! It was nice to hang out with her, we haven't done that in about 2 years! She went to Austria for a whole year sophomore year and this last year went by so fast, we just didn't hang out. I unfortunately pooped out early, cuz I was fucking tired. I have been packing all day and plus I had a final this morning. I am just glad this semester is over so now I can just concentrate on other things. I am thinking this summer is going to really great...lets hope I am right. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-05-21T01:05:29-05:00

So today is my "last" day in Chancellors. Technically me and my roomie susan are supposed to be moving out today, but we are not. See the hall director told us we could leave some of our stuff in the living room, because we had no where to put it before we moved into our new apartment June 1. Our other roomie Lacey is staying here until june 7, so thats why we can. So we figured why not "store" ourselves! If we were to pay to stay here for 10 days, it would be $130! And I was like fuck no! So yea, I might not be around much for the next week and a half. Plus, Our internet in our new apartment won't be working until June 10th! Its getting hooked up when we move in, but not activated for 10 days, so thats kinda shitty, but what do ya do. I mean we got a great deal, $30 a month for 12 months! SBC is great! Anyway, I gotta go back to packing and cleaning..fun fun.

first day!

chasemm — 2005-05-23T06:05:41-05:00

So I started my job at Mega Pick N Save today. It went by pretty fast. I did some paper work and got a tour of the store then cashiered for a couple hours. It was nice, because the machines are identical to the ones I used to use at the other Pick N Save I worked at. Next week I get to start training in Customer Service, which I am excited about. Anyway, I gotta get some stuff done...

but i won't break take this timeout to find yourself take this timeout to learn.

chasemm — 2005-05-24T04:05:12-05:00

Why won't this fucking feeling go away!!!? No matter what I do it just stays.....

oh life...

chasemm — 2005-05-26T10:05:48-05:00

So my roomie and I have been successfully camping out here at our old apartment. Lets just say the couch and I are best friends! :) We are staying here for free, even though we aren't supposed to be doing it. I love cheating the system! Anyway, I am really excited for next wednesday, cuz that is when we get to move into our new apartment! I am just ready to get out of here and into somewhere different. I have so many things I want to do this summer and I feel I can't do any of it until I move in. That may sound silly, but its true. Plus half of my stuff is packed away in boxes and shit, so I can't really get to it.

I have also realized something very important.....I want to be single. I mean yes technically I am, but I really don't want to date anybody at all. Ya know when you are just not in the mood. Thats how I am, just not in the mood. I have been on dates here and there and its just really annoying. I mean the guys are great, but I am just not there...ya know? Plus, it seems that I am always the one "chasing". For once in my life, I want a guy who calls me and says " Hey how was your Day?" I want someone who wants to be with me and shows how much they care and I won't be with anybody who doesn't give me that. I mean I am not that hard to please, I don't ask for much, really I don't. All I want is somone to act like they care, give me a call here and there or an email, thats all. Anyway, I just realized I need to stick to things and not give in and I am going to try very hard to do that. Meanwhile, I am going to accomplish a lot of things this summer, such as:

1. Building My Passion Parties Business up( Oh I signed a girl underneath me, so now I make money off her!)

2. Get into shape!

3. Learn to salsa! Cuz its something I didn't learn well enough in Costa Rica and I love it so much. :)

4. Learn Spanish, cuz I suck at it.

5. Read lots and lots of books! Including the new Harry Potter book that comes out in July!

6. And last but not least, have a KICK ASS SUMMER!

Thats all! :)

where I'm going...is anybody's guess..

chasemm — 2005-05-27T12:05:28-05:00

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned!
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

my weekend..

chasemm — 2005-05-30T05:05:30-05:00

So this weekend was great! My little sister graduated on Saturday from high school so I was home all weekend. My cousin Eric also graduated, so we got to go to two graduations. They had a joint party so I partied with my family on Saturday night. I made my sister a book that had pictures from her whole life, she loved it! I was really happy, I just wanted to give her something special for graduation that she would use and look at a lot. Yesterday I got to hang out with someone that I haven't seen in months and had a really great time with him and all his friends. I am really glad I stopped by. :) I would elaborate more on my weekend, but I have a lot of homework to do for my online marketing class, plus I want to go see The longest yard with susan later....so have a great week!

Tommorow is the big day!

chasemm — 2005-05-31T10:05:00-05:00

I get to move into my new apartment tommorow! I am so pumped! :) It will definitely be better than living out of suitcases and sleeping on the couch. I will have to sleep on an air matress for a few days, but thats no biggie. I got the day off from work, so tommorow is devoted to moving in and getting things as organized as I can, because my family is comin on saturday to move in the furniture. I also found a great bed set that is really "sexy" and "adult". I showed my mom and sister and they were like...thats so not you, but its really pretty. That was my intention. I am trying to stay away from blue, which I am obessesed with. I wanted something sophisticated, but fun and exciting as well. Anyway, I am done talking about my freakin comforter! haha, anyway, gotta get to some homework! I won't have internet till June 10th, but I will be in the lab at school, so I will try to keep my blog updated!

may the force be with you...

chasemm — 2005-06-02T08:06:40-05:00

I am going to see Star Wars tonight with Aaron and his friend. I am so excited!! I will have to write about my moving in experience tommorow...its quite a long story, but I am happy. :)

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out

chasemm — 2005-06-06T12:06:53-05:00

Wow, its been awhile since I have written something, I have been SOOOO busy! Well I guess I can start with Wednesday..aka, move in day. So Susan and I arrive at our new apartment at 10am and to our lovely surprise it smells like cigarette smoke...oh great. So we, for 3 hours, washed every wall in the apartment! The good thing is they are paying us for doing it, so not too shabby. Well finally the only room that smelled of smoke was of course, my room. I washed all the walls, the ceiling, put shit on the carpet and even took down the blinds and soaked them. Still it smells. Then I finally realize that the insulation around the water heater, which is in my closet, smells of smoke. It must have absorbed a lot of it. So today my landlord is coming over and changing that out. I hope that works, cuz then I dont' know what the hell to do.

Thursday through sunday I pretty much just worked and did homework for my online class, nothing too exciting. I was going to go out with Val, who is Kellie's subleaser, but we just couldn't get out of the house. Sad...I know. But I have the whole damn summer to go to the bar, so I am not worried. On Saturday my mom, sis, bro, my sis' bf nick and my uncle rodney came up to bring all my furniture for my room, including my bed! I was so excited to sleep on a brand new mattress, since I haven't slept on a bed for like 2 weeks. My mom got such a good deal, $200 for a full mattress and a frame, the lady told her it was a mistake, but my mom got it in writing so they had to give it to her...my mom fucking rocks! I ordered my bedspread today too, it is so sexy! I love it, I can't wait until it gets here. Its just really nice now to have couches and a dresser and shit. Susie and I are slowly getting the apartment together. Its going to look fucking hot when we are done.

Its so weird to think that I am not going home this summer, it will be my first summer away from home. I am really excited about it and its a lot of fun, but I am going to miss my family a lot. I mean seeing my sis everyday and talking to my mom about my day is just something that I really am going to miss. They are all so great and they have been there for me no matter what has happened in my life and I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I am just glad that I have them..I feel really blessed to have such great people in my life. I am definitely going to have to visit my sister this fall when she is at Stevens Point, I have this weird feeling she is going to need me...who knows. Anyway, I have a bunch of crap to do, so Hope everyone's summer is going great!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-06-08T10:06:07-05:00

Something interesting happened, but I will tell you all later...the libray closes in like 50 minutes and I have to get my assingment done! I will be back tommorow...so I will dish then...

Even the best fall down sometimes...even the stars refuse to shine...

chasemm — 2005-06-09T07:06:57-05:00

Ok, so I had a horrible day today at work...but before I get to that I will tell you what happened to me yesterday. So I get a call from Tom, a guy I met online last summer and had one date with, and he wants to hang out. Now to update you, he has been trying to get back together with me for the past year now and I keep telling him No. I mean when we were on our date it was a great time but I just didn't get that "feeling", ya know, like when I kissed him, there was nothing. I am really big on the whole butterfly feeling and if I don't get it, then its pointless for me to continue on. And that feeling does exist and only one person has ever made me feel that way, so its not a fantasy that I dream about. But anyway, he calls me and still wants to see me, even though I have rejected him countless times. I figure ya know what why not give him a second chance. I mean I want a guy who wants to be with me and is willing to do anything to be with me, so why not see if maybe I missed something. I doubt that it will be anything serious, even though I think he wants it to be. I told him I wasn't looking for anything right now, but I don't think he got that. I am just not really in the mood to be in anything serious right now, I dont know why. I am just so busy and I really need some time to myself. I have a lot of stuff I want to accomplish this summer and in the next so many years, so its just not convenient for me right now. I just don't want to hurt him, cuz I know he likes me a lot. I don't know, we shall see how it goes.

Anyway, now on to my horrible day at work. It was going fine until like 3, then I swear everything in the store was just not ringing up right and I work at customer service and thats where people go and bitch. I seriously got yelled at like 5 times about prices and then one of the employees wanted a refund on something and she was so rude and was arguing with me and I guess I wasn't "pleasant" enough and was told on. So now I get to look forward to being talked to tommorow about my behavior. Honestly, I was as curteous as possible, but whatever. I hate people honestly, they are so annoying. Ya know, why do they have to be so god damn rude. Just because your life sucks, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the rest of us. But anyway, enough about that. I gotta get some homework done and then its time to go home where I can look through our internet stuff, it came in the mail today. Lets hope I can figure it out.

FUCK YEA!

chasemm — 2005-06-13T12:06:24-05:00

SO we got our internet today! YAY!! I am so happy. It took a little work and annoying people, but finally we got everything to work. Thank god, I was sick of going to the lab on campus. Now I can do stuff at home. :) Anyway, I am doing shit around the apartment, so I gotta go. I will have a more meaningful blog later.....

The day you slipped away, is the day that I found it won't be the same....

chasemm — 2005-06-14T01:06:11-05:00

couldn't find a song that described the feelings I have been feeling, so I just wrote them down.

This feeling of lonliness is starting to consume me

I am becoming the woman I want to be, but feel a void

I don't want just anyone, there is only one for me

Life is too complicated, All I want is one thing...and I can't have it

Somebody tell me what to do cuz I am going insane

Its like my brain and my heart are at war and neither knows the right thing to do

My Thoughts are filled of the past and they won't go away, I try to avoid them, but they linger

Maybe in the end I will have my happiness

so your annoying...

chasemm — 2005-06-14T08:06:36-05:00

So I am putting an end to this whole Tom guy...he is annoying. He never has anything to say and those of you who know me, know that you gotta keep up with me or I just talk the whole time. He has no hobbies, nothing, he just sits around and plays with his dogs and goes to work. I want somebody that has somewhat of a life, who does things they enjoy. Plus he was really rude and short with me on the phone, so yea, I am not going to deal with that. He is done. I knew this would happen anyway. He seriously doesn't get a hint, I have been very upfront with him and everything and still he wants to be with me, I don't get it, honestly. I mean I like the fact that he likes me and he is willing to work hard to be with me, but lately he has been really clingy and annoying, so yea all done. Now I can be with me and do the things I want to do. If someone comes along, then great, but if not I am totally ok being with just me. I mean shit...I do sell sex toys.... ;)

'Cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone...

chasemm — 2005-06-14T11:06:45-05:00

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here, anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn,
and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here, anymore

Amy Lee and Seether "Broken"

Afternoon delight...

chasemm — 2005-06-16T11:06:59-05:00

Yesterday was so much fun! My Mom, Aunt and Grandma (and my cousin and brother, but they stayed at the apartment) came up and we went on Parade of Homes! All the homes we looked at were brand new and so gorgeous. I wish I was graduated with a high paying job so I could buy one, seriously. The last one we went to was worth over $400,000! It was so amazing, I didn't want to leave. The kitchen was gorgeous, stainless steal appliances, marble counter top, huge beautiful windows by the sink, and the fridge had a fucking t.v. in it! The master bathroom had a two person jacuzzi tub and a huge shower. I mean, honestly it was my dream home. The crown molding was gorgeous and each room had a unique ceiling, it was great. I can't wait till I build my own house one day, its going to be great. Hopefully I make enough money to build exactly what I want. I don't want anything obnoxious, but I would like something fairly large. I want a huge kitchen and a huge master bedroom, that is number 1 and I want like a rec room, with a bar and huge t.v. One of the houses had like a bar and a wine cellar, god I want those too! Well I am done babbling about my dream home. I could probably talk all day about each room in my house and everything, but I am pretty sure you all don't want to hear that. :)

if you could only see...if you could only be...

chasemm — 2005-06-17T11:06:18-05:00

So I bought some new pillows the other day and I realized that they may be just a little too "fluffy" See when it comes to pillows, I am very very picky. They can't be too flat, but they can't be too fluffy, ya know where your neck is like at an angle. They aren't too bad, I think they are border line "too fluffy" I guess I will have to see. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-06-18T12:06:19-05:00

GOD, I NEED TO GET FUCKED!! NO JOKE!

one more thing

chasemm — 2005-06-18T12:06:49-05:00

So this Tom guy just doesn't really get that I don't like him. I guess I am going to have to go to plan B....be a bitch. I didn't want it to come to this, but he leaves me no choice. :)

So why are you running away?

chasemm — 2005-06-18T07:06:00-05:00

"Running Away" Hoobastank

I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
So why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

Everybody makes mistakes...but the key is learning from them..

chasemm — 2005-06-23T10:06:03-05:00

Lately, I have been really growing as a person and coming to terms with myself. I don't think I have every felt this good about myself and my life. After talking with my friend Elise awhile back, she told me something awesome..."Mal, if I broke up with my boyfriend it would be devastating, but ya know what...I would be ok..because I would know that I had myself." Now after she said that, I was like....WOW...not many people have that kind of peace with themselves..not many at all. I started thinking about myself and why I was the way I was at the time and started to realize that having just me was ok. I now know that learning from your past mistakes are key to becoming a better you and it helps you love yourself. If you can't love yourself....there is no way you can give your heart and soul to someone else. You may think you can, but eventually things start to crumble after while, because you can't give what you don't have. Don't replace your mistakes with new ones...they may not seem like new ones at the time...but eventually in one way or another they will be. If I could give all of you one piece of advice it would be this......Sit down...think about who you are, I mean really think. What do you want out of life, out of a significant other, out of your friends, out of yourself? Yes, this is going to take a long time..not just a few days or even weeks. It may take years to figure it out, but when you do..it will be great. The only way to get rid of scars in the past is to slowly heal them..it may suck...but its the only way. I know a lot of people don't get this, but eventually they will realize it and maybe realize that they lost something precious that they might never get back. Have you ever seen something you know was going to eventually fail...and you know why...but that person just doesn't see it? Its the most frustrating thing...cuz all you want to do is help that person along the way..be there for them...but they won't take your hand...its the hardest thing. I wish sometimes that I could fix things, especially people that I care about...but you can only do so much, they have to figure things out on their own. Well I am done babbling now, I just felt the need to right this blog....because all I want is to help...thats all. :)

change is never a waste of time....

chasemm — 2005-06-25T02:06:47-05:00

I know there's a reason you're forcing a smile
You hide what you're feeling and you have for a while
I can tell that you're falling
And you feel that you can't go on
But a new day is calling
And you'll see that the feeling is gone

You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time

I know how you're feeling, I've been there before
The hurting is something much to strong to ignore
Don't be waiting for someone
Who can take all your fear away
When there's no one to listen
That is when you should not be afraid

But change is never a waste... it's never a waste of time

Alanis Morissette "(Change Is) Never A Waste Of Time"

As much as you burned me baby, I should be ashes by now

chasemm — 2005-06-26T01:06:43-05:00

Sooooooo......I don't feel good.....I think the downhome jack daniels punch is just not workin for me anymore or something...cuz I feel like ass. I could barely drink anything when we went to the bars...seriously. I mean shit...I am irish and french and some german...I should be able to hold my liquor...maybe there is just something wrong with me or something...I don't know..but I have to go to bed, cuz I picked up a shift tommorow at Mega and I have to be there at 10am. Night.

My weakness is...that I care too much...

chasemm — 2005-06-27T11:06:51-05:00

So last night I was honest with someone that I really haven't been honest with....like ever. I think that I wasn't completely honest in the past because I was afraid at how this person would react and now I realize that was a mistake. You have to be honest with people, even if there are consequences, because as harter stated, you don't know when they aren't going to be here anymore. I am trying not to have any regrets in my life and for some reason this person was the only person that I couldn't be honest to in my life. I am so honest with all my friends...always. I almost feel I wasn't 100% myself, I mean I was for the most part, but when it came to the deep stuff and important stuff....I wasn't. I realized that you give everything you can to someone no matter if they don't give it to you, cuz then you know that you did everything you could, no regrets. Even though sometimes doing that leaves you with a broken heart, its worth it. To me thats when you find your inner strength and you start to become the person you are meant to be, you get to know yourself. It just amazes me how good I feel about being honest...and I hope that honesty didn't hurt anyone..because that was not my intention. I am looking forward to the future and the friendship that I hope will last for a long time. :)

The best explanation...

chasemm — 2005-06-28T10:06:37-05:00

I stole this from kelleez22, because it describes me 100% and what I have been going through the past month....shit my whole life! I thought I would share it with you all...thanks kel. :)

What Actually Love Is...

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for him,
its when he ignores you and you still long for him.
It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile
and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it,
but when love dies,
you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win
but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and say, "Can I come in?"

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone
more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out
that they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want than to settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love than the one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who
hurts you the most, and sometimes the friend who takes you
into his arms and cries when you cry turns out to be the love
you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go
don't believe that letting go means that you love best,
instead fight for your love,
that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go through life
without it.

ahhhh...

chasemm — 2005-06-30T11:06:34-05:00

Well I have the next three days off and I am going home! I am going to Ben's sister's wedding on Saturday and then hanging out with the family for the rest of the weekend. I am glad to get some time off and just get away. Life has been hectic lately. I have had so much to do and not enough time to do it! I hate it, but what do ya do? I can't wait till this summer class is over, then I will have time to do some things I want to do. Like take my salsa classes! And refreshing my spanish and working on APO stuff, because I am the new pledge educator and I have lots of stuff to do before school starts, but I am excited about it. :) Well I hope all of you have a great 4th of July weekend!

That I’m better off on my own

chasemm — 2005-07-05T12:07:38-05:00

"Killing Time" Joss Stone

Maybe life is better off this way
But what about the others who aren't here today
We struggle with the tide
Falling with our hearts
But then in my mind
No point in killing time

You better stop what you're doing
Before you do it all wrong again

I have tried to put it from my mind
To bury all the trouble that I've left behind
But still I can't explain
The words I just can't find
And I can't understand it
Ain't nothing gonna change my mind

I know I may be young
And know nothing of this world
Oh Lord, it's been long
In its coming
I don't care if my words sound absurd
Your play won't play this time

Can't get it out of my mind
Can't you see that I'm not blind
I can see what you're doing
Stop what you're doing
What will it take for you to recognize your mistake
I was counting on you but now I know your just a first class fool

Stop what you're doing
Before you do it all wrong again
You have to get it right this time
Before it gets all out of hand

Family and friends are all you need in life...

chasemm — 2005-07-05T12:07:59-05:00

Well this weekend was a good one. I got to spend some time with my family who I love and adore! I don't know what I would do without them, especially my mom. I can tell her everything and she has always been there for me. She has sacraficed so much for me and my brother and sister, it amazes me. I hope I can be half the mother she is some day. I don't know who or where I would be today if it wasn't for her.

I also got some closure that I have needed for the past couple of months this weekend. And those of you who know my story know what I am talking about. I realized what a fool I was and I now know that I am better off. I have no hard feelings and nothing but love for a certain someone...I will always be there for them. I just hope that they realize that. I am so incredibly happy with my life right now and where I am headed. I look forward to every day. I feel so much stronger and full of life. I am so glad I went through all the heartach and doubt and all that bullshit, because it was all worth it. Dealing with your problems head on is the only way to go, it may suck at the time..but your life gets so much better if you do. Dig deep...find the root and kill it. Soul search and find your real self. Realize that you have great friends and family around you and don't lose sight of that...because if you do...one day you might be very alone.

Well I am done preaching. Off to bed, i gotta work early tommorow! :( HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

goodbye..

chasemm — 2005-07-06T02:07:52-05:00

I found this poem in my Alicia Keys Book full of her poems and lyrics...it really describes some things that have been on my mind...

"Goodbye"

How do you love someone

That hurts you so bad

With intentions good

Was all he ever had

But how do I let go when I

Loved him for so long I've

Given him all that I could?

Maybe love is a hopeless crim

Given up what seems your lifetime

What went wrong with something once so good?

How do you find the words to say

To say goodbye

When your heart don't have the heart to say

To say goodbye

I know I was naive

Never knew where this would lead

And I'm not tryin' to take away

From the good man that he is

But how do I let go when I

Loved him for so long I've

Given him all that I could

Was it something wrong that we did

Or cause others infiltrated

What went wrong with something once so good?

How do you find the words to say

To say goodbye

When your heart don't have the heart to say

To say goodbye

Is this the end?

Are you sure?

How should you know when you've

Never been here before?

It's so hard

To just let go

When this is the one and only

Love I 've ever known

How do you find the words to say

To say goodbye

When your heart don't have the heart to say

To say goodbye

a little piece of heaven...turns to dark..listen to your heart

chasemm — 2005-07-07T04:07:44-05:00

I would just like to say that I love running! I ran for 25 minutes and about 2 1/2 miles today! It feels so good when you can just run forever. I probably could have run a lot longer, but I got bored. :) I have lost about 6 pounds in the last 2 or so weeks and it feels great. I finally think that I am going to achieve my goal of losing the weight and being fit and healthy. I have just been overweight and unhealthy for so long that I am just sick of it. I have been eating healthy, exercising everyday and I feel so much better. My life is really starting to make sense and it feels wonderful. Its amazing how much I have grown in the last couple of months and I know I have a lot more to do.

I talked to my best friend Courtney last night, she is doing way better too. She was hanging out with the wrong crowd there for a while and I was really worried about her. Now she has gotten rid of the negative people in her life and is now so much happier. We had a great conversation on the phone last night and I wish so much that she could be here in Eau Claire. She is one of the few people that I still talk to from highschool..well on a regular basis anyway and I love her to freakin death! Her and I can talk about anything and have such a great time. I can't wait until the end of july, she is turning 21 and she is coming here to visit so I can get her trashed!! hehe, its gonna be fantastic.

Anyway, I have a bunch of homework to do and some errands to run. So I am done talking now. :) Everyone...have a fucking fantastic day!

Salsa baby!

chasemm — 2005-07-07T07:07:24-05:00

So I went to the dance school here in Eau Claire and I am going to be taking Salsa lessons! I am so excited. Its something I have wanted to do for the past year and I never quite learned it in Costa Rica, so now I am! It feels good to be doing something for myself and it feels good to be actually following through on something. I always say I am going to do something and then I never do it. Life is good. :)

oh da bars...

chasemm — 2005-07-08T03:07:57-05:00

So I decided to go out tonight with my roomie Val, she is subleasing for my roomate kellie. It was a great night! ( if this email has misspellings, I am sorry, I am slighty drunk. :) Anyway, so I saw this guy I work with and he actually was my TA in my psych class when I was a freshmen, even though he was only a sohpomore. I like had a little crush on him back in the day and he just got hired a Mega Pick n save. I think he is great, but anyway, I met his friend Paul..well I think thats his name and, ya know when you meet someone and there is like this unspoken connection? I felt that with him. He is adorable and just seemed really awesome. They left the bar we were in and then I got a little drunk...and daring and went to the bar they said they were going to...well only steve was there...the guy I work with...and we started talking and then he seemed like he was interested...so now..I am a bit confused? haha...probably cuz i am drunk. The only prob with steve...he smokes..and i just can't date someone who smokes...I just hope I get to meet paul again, he was cool. I am going to try and pursue that, cuz why the hell not!!!! ? :) Well I am drunk and tired...so I am going to bed....sweet dreams everyone!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-07-09T01:07:15-05:00

All I have to say is I could watch Viva la Bam all day....ya wanna know why? Because Bam Margera is fucking hot! Thats why...oh and also its fucking hilarious. :)

aww southern boys!

chasemm — 2005-07-10T05:07:00-05:00

So I went out again! Sad, I haven't gone out this much...fucking forever...and I am freakin drunk again...damnit. Now my roomie Val made me take home this southern guy...really cool. HE is from Tennessee, and I grew up in Tennessee most of my life...which some of you may not know. My daddy was in the army. :) Anyway, he seems sweet..I didn't do anything to bad....I just don't want a random fuck...I want something meaningful..ya know? I am just not that type of girl who brings home guys..I am either with a guy or I am not. Thats it plain and simple. He has my number...we shall see if he calls. I doubt it..I think he wanted a piece...but he just wasn't going to get any. :) K, so I am freakin tired...nighty night. :)

HE CALLED ME!

chasemm — 2005-07-10T11:07:05-05:00

So apparently Dustin, the southern boy I met at the bar last night, just doesn't want sex! He called me tonight. He is really sweet and that to me is very very attractive! A boy with manners! At least they do something right down south. :) He isn't my type really, but he seems really cool and we have the whole living in the south thing in common, so I am excited to see where things go. :)

some thoughts...

chasemm — 2005-07-11T02:07:45-05:00

So I was just sitting, watching t.v., thinking about life. I don't know how to explain it, but things seem weird to me. Like I met this guy Dustin and he seems nice, but I don't know if he is "boyfriend" material. I know I shouldn't take every thing so seriously, but ya know..I am at a point in my life that I am ready to be with that one man who is just great and loves me and just is..I don't know..like my best friend. I don't want to fuck around with random people...I don't want that at all. I just want to be with someone that I can trust, who has the same morals as me, who wants the same things I do out of life. I want to travel, have a career, be a mom, be with someone who makes me as happy as I make them. I know that day will come and I can't wait. :) I just feel like if a guy just doesn't have initially what I want, then I don't want him. I don't know if thats bad or not. I think maybe right now being with someone is just not a good idea. I have so much going on in my life and so many things I want to accomplish, that I don't think I could give my full attention to someone right now. I don't know, its a weird feeling.. I just want to be with me right now, ya know. I have never felt that way before. I think I have just craved being with somone because I didn't get the attention I needed from my dad. Even though I have great men in my life, such as my uncles, who are great guys and my grandpa, who died 6 years ago, who was always there for me. I think thats why I am not such an "attention whore" as I should be. Its amazing how just being alone, in a room just listening to yourself think, helps you heal and helps you grow. I have learned more in these past few months than I have learned in my entire life. In the past I felt like I didn't know myself...at all. I now know who I am and what I am capable of...it just took a big dose of reality for me to figure it out. I just look at all the great things in my life, instead of dwelling on the negative things, because that is what drags you down.

Well, now that I have written a novel, I think I will stop. I just had some thoughts...well actually a lot of thoughts.. :) and I thought I would share them with you all.

Me Encanta Salsa!

chasemm — 2005-07-12T08:07:46-05:00

So I had my Salsa lesson today! Well, if ya wanna be technical, I learned the Waltz, Rumba, Cha-Cha, and Salsa. I had so much fun! My instructor is young, cute and funny, so it makes doing the dances so much better. ;) Its gonna cost me some money, but its well worth it. Its like $227.00 for 4 private lessons, then I can go to as many group lessons and Partys, and partys are where they have people come and just eat food and test their dance skills with other students. So it sounds like a lot, but its really worth it to me, cuz I have wanted to learn since I got from Costa Rica and I am finally doing it! I am so proud of myself for actually doing something I said I was going to do, it makes ya feel good. Well I have to get some homework done...my cute southern boy is coming over tonight! :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-07-13T02:07:50-05:00

Well, so I think I scared the southern boy! haha, So i think I overwhelmed him with my talkative open personality...I am not sure. He says I didn't, but I can tell by his blank stare that I think maybe he is! I don't know, we had a good time and he is really cool. He has a cute southern accent and he is really a nice guy. He is also easy on the eyes, which is a bonus. :) I guess we shall see if he calls me back! if not thats ok I understand that I can be a bit overwhelming and its hard for me to tone it down. I am really working on that whole "saying whatever is on my mind" shit, but sometimes its hard, cuz its just automatic, ya know. But whatever, its who I am and I am a good listener, I really am..and I love listening to people especially if they need someone to talk to. So I guess I just need to smooth out some edges and I will be ok. I mean, nobodys perfect. :) Anyway, i am off to bed! Oh yea, 3 more days and my online class is done!

what a day..

chasemm — 2005-07-13T08:07:06-05:00

So today was freakin busy and kinda tiring. I am exhausted! Now I have to do an assignment and take a test. GRRRR! I am so excited for Friday to get here, then all I have to do is take another test and I am freakin done. Then my summer finally begins! Even though I have to get ready for APO(which is the co-ed frat i am in) because I am the pledge educator and I have a lot of shit to get ready. This semester is going to be very very busy, but I am excited about it. But enough about that, thats another month and a half away. Anyway, gotta go! :)

one of the best places

chasemm — 2005-07-15T10:07:03-05:00

I have come to realize that one of my favorite things in life is just laying in my bed, cuddling up with my silky comforter. I mean when you initialy wake up in the morning you have no sense of what happened the day before or really whats going on at all...thats a cool feeling. You aren't in reality for like a minute. Then of course it all comes back to you. I don't know, its just something I thought of and really realized that its one of my favorite things. I love all the little things in life, they are so much more meaningful. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-07-16T01:07:25-05:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

hot and red all over..

chasemm — 2005-07-17T01:07:33-05:00

So I went to Big Falls today with my girls Shannon and Kelsey and we had a great day! It was nice to see them. We bought floaties and laid in the water, it was sooo relaxing, I so needed that. Unfortuantely, I didn't put enought sun screen on and I am now red as hell, especially my legs. I was an idiot and didn't put sunscreen on them, yea, dumb. So now I must suffer the consequences...oh well, I just have been putting a shit load of aloe vera on it, so hopefully I don't peel like a mother.

On another note, life here in Eau Claire is pretty damn good. I have never felt so happy...seriously. I still have my things to work on, who doesn't, but I finally feel that I am me and I have finally excepted me. It feels so great. I just feel like I was almost pretending to please other people or even because I was insecure. I think the whole insecurity thing was a big one. I clung to a feeling that maybe, i don't know, I didn't really have. I can't say for sure, but ....yea. I just am so excited about everyday and that feels so great!

Also, I don't think I scared the southern boy, he did call me back. He went to Tennessee randomly this weekend? Who does that? haha, but he is roaming, so yea. But he did get a hold of me today and we talked. I don't know, I think right now, I am not looking for anything serious, I just don't want it. I just want to see where this thing with Dustin goes and if it gets serious, then cool if not, whatever works. I just feel that I have so much going on already, that I just don't want to have to squeeze in a boyfriend too. But of course if mr. right comes along....I am not going to push him away. So we shall see! Anyway, I am sunburnt and tired, good night all! :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-07-19T01:07:58-05:00

Went out with the crew from Mega West, had a great time! One of the supervisors is leaving this week to go on to bigger and better things, so we had a going away shin dig. Went to Boston's, then went to the bars. I didn't drink much, mainly cuz I have to open...in like 5 hours. I am gonna be tired, but thats ok, I only work until 11, so only 5 and half hours. Then I can take a nap and look forward to my mom and sis coming for two whole days! YAY! We are doing some DIY shit to my room. We are slip covering my chair to match my bed, then we are making a head board for my bed, I am so freakin excited! Plus, my sister's boyfriend, Nick is drawing me a really cool pic that matches my room. He can draw the coolest shit, so I am excited to see what he comes up with. In about a month my room will finally be where i want it to be and it will be my little haven and I am so excited about that. :) But anway, I am going to bed now.

mi familia...

chasemm — 2005-07-21T02:07:20-05:00

So my family just left.. :( I thought they were going to stay the whole day, but my sister had to work at her other job last minute, so they had to leave early. Thats ok, though. We went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night, it was really good, kinda creepy, but good. Johnny Depp was amazingly funny! I definitely recommend it. :) Also, my mom and I reapolstered(thats not spelled right) my chair. So now instead of a ugly faded, stained blue, its a nice cream color that matches my room. She is also making me a head board for my bed and I got a shelve to display my diploma and cap. Also, when I graduated I was made this really cool thing, its my graduation invitation and a senior pic on a piece of wood and its like glazed over, its really pretty and now I can actually hang it on my wall. It looks great. I also got a bulletin board, which I am going to jazz up a little. By the end of august my room is going to be great and somewhere where I want to be all the time. Now that I have the whole day with nothingn to do, I am going to read the new harry potter book, cuz I borrowed it from a friend. I am so freakin excited! :)

Harry Potter rules my life!

chasemm — 2005-07-22T01:07:53-05:00

So I have seriously just read for 10 hours straight, no joke. I starte at about 2pm today and just stopped a couple of minutes ago, like 12:00 am. Of course, I have been reading the new Harry Potter book and sadly, I am almost done. I will probably be done saturday, considering tommorow I work 9 hours then a salsa lesson, then I have to hit the hay early cuz I open on saturday, but I only work till one, so that means I will be reading again. I am also looking forward to seeing Dustin again. I still don't know what to think about him...really I don't. He is really nice and sweet. But I don't know if we have the right connection. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me right now, because for some odd reason I am in no mood to be with anyone. Its not that I am unhappy or bitter about relationships, quite the contrary. I have learned so much from my past relationships, that I am hardly bitter, they taught me many things and I am greatful for that. Its really a weird feeling I am having, its like I want to have a great relationship with somebody and be happy with someone, but yet I feel maybe I am not ready to meet my one true love yet...I am not sure. I feel I just have so much more growing to do yet before that day comes. I want to do so many things and I don't want to neglect anyone in the process or feel guilty. I mean everyone wants to be with that someone special, don't get me wrong, it its on my mind a lot, but I just know in my heart that right now maybe isn't my time. I want to be ready for him when he comes along..thats all. :) Until then, I am so happy doing things for me and just living life. Its fantastic. I am going to my second Salsa lesson tommorow, I am really excited. It feels great to be doing something for me! If there is something you have been putting off that you want to do, just gett off your ass and do it. Thats what I did and it feels great! Ok, now that I went off on a random thought I am going to bid you all good night...

rain...I love it!

chasemm — 2005-07-23T02:07:04-05:00

So I am a big loser and finished harry potter last night. it took a total of roughly 13 hours to read. 10 hours devoted on Thursday and a couple last night. It was damn good too, sad ending, but still good. I love reading, the feelin of not really being in reality is great. I think I am going to reread 3, 4 and 5 of Harry Potter, then reread 6. There was stuff in there that I couldn't remember, so yea.

On to other stuff. Today at work was awesome....(lots of sarcasm there) At about 12 it got pitch black outside and began to severely rain and hail. The wind was ridiculous! Our power went out, but thank god it was only the lights, not the registers cuz I probably would have cried. Other than that, nothing good to talk about. :)

Life's a journey not a destination....

chasemm — 2005-07-26T01:07:52-05:00

Embrace "Ashes"

I've waited, and given the chance again,
I'd do it all the same, but either way
I'm always outplayed, up on your down days
I left it the right way, to start again

Now watch me rise up and leave all the ashes you made out of me
When you said that we were wrong, life goes on, just look how long I've agreed

Now watch me rise up and leave all the ashes you made out of me
When you said that we were wrong, life goes on, just look how long I've agreed

Out of place, like a gem on a coalface
Lost on the right way, it's all the same
'Cause I've had my hopes raised, riding the wrong waves
Scared when you feel safe to start again

Now watch me rise up and leave all the ashes you made out of me
When you said that we were wrong, life goes on, look how wrong I could be

Now watch me rise up and leave all the ashes you made out of me
When you said that we were wrong, life goes on, you blew me away

woo woo!

chasemm — 2005-07-27T04:07:16-05:00

So I worked till 12 am tonight and Ciara, who was "training" me to close asked me if I wanted to go out. I was like, sure, why not, I don't work tommorow. So we went out. I am so glad i did! This guy Dave, who I have known since freshmen year, we both worked at Hilltop, which is the on campus foodcourt. We both started being supervisors the same semester and shit. I have always had a crush on him, he has the greates ass! haha, and we he makes me laugh and we just get along really well. Anyway, he was at the bar and came to talk to me. We talked for a bit and then parted. But I had a few beers and seriously wanted to kiss him. Right before bar closing he was alone at the bar and I went up to him and started talking and we just started kissing. Holy FUCK! Amazing! I want him so bad. hehe :) He was like, I definitely should give you my number, so I got his number, YAY! This totally makes my day! Fuck my Summer! I have this weird feeling that he has liked me for awhile too, I can just tell by the way he was acting. Anyway, I don't know what will become of it, but I am sure gonna call him and see what happens. I don't really care honestly. :) Whatever happens...happens. Anyway, I am slight tipsy and I am off to bed. I have the next two days off work and I am preparing for my passion party for my girls in stevens point!! YAY FOR DILDOS!!! :)

Me ecanta salsa!

chasemm — 2005-07-27T04:07:28-05:00

I love my dance lessons! I have learned Rumbe, Cha-Cha, and Salsa! I am starting to learn all the spins and twists and its so much fun! I am so glad I decided to do this. :) I am going to a group class tommorow and I get to learn Waltz! Can't hurt knowing how to Waltz. ;) Nothing else much going on here. I have the next two days off, so I am doing some passion parties stuff and getting some stuff done. And hopefully hanging out with Dave! :) Ok, I am done now.

Drama outside my door!

chasemm — 2005-07-31T05:07:51-05:00

So its like 4:30 am and I am up because I have to go to work. Considering I went to bed at 12 and didn't fall asleep, I am a really freakin tired. Anyhoo, I was sitting in my living room sipping on some coffee when I heard some of the neighbors coming back from the bars. Then all of a sudden I heard arguing, so what did I do? Go to my door and listen of course! So there are guys next door to me and across the hall from them are girls. One of the guys and one of the girls are dating, stupid. They chose to live across the hall from each other! I mean, I am sorry, but that is so lame. Anyway, they were arguing about stuff and in a nut shell she was acusing him of cheating and shit. Its times like these that make me happy I am not with anybody really. I just worry about me and quite frankly, I LOVE IT! Now, I will admit, that girls do create drama, BUT its only because usually we are not getting what we need out of a relationship. See girls will get mad about a stupid situation to bring up other issues, write that down guys! ;) I have found out that guys are way more complicated than girls. See girls, well most of us, just tell you whats wrong, we open up. Guys, if you can't fucking figure that out, then just give up right now and be single forever. I am not saying all guys are dicks, but a lot of you out there need to get a fuckin clue. And of course, girls stop and think before you start bitching, cuz most likely what you are going to bitch about is really stupid and you could potentialy ruin a great thing. Anyway, thats my thought for the day, at freakin almost 5 in the morning. I am now going to get ready for work and hopefully I can get off early and come home and sleep! :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-08-01T09:08:12-05:00

So this week is going to fly by! Today I have to get ready for my passion party that I am doing in Point tommorow, then I work 3-12 tonight.... :( Then I have a work meeting tommorow at 10 and then finishing up whatever needs to be finished then off to Stevens point for the Passion Party! Then I come back on Wednesday, work 4-12 at work then I have Thursday-Sunday off! I am going home and spending time with the family. Its our annual family "camping" trip. Even though we are not camping this year. On friday, My mom, my sis and cousins are going to get a manicure and pedicure, then its off to the Packer game! Then on saturday we are going to an indoor water park in Appleton and staying there over night then on sunday its off to my cousins birthday party. Whew...damn thats a lot of stuff! Anyhoo, I am off to the gym!

YAY FOR DILDOS!

chasemm — 2005-08-03T04:08:58-05:00

So I had a blast last night throwing my passion party for my favorite Point girls!!! I haven't done one in months and it was great to get back into the swing of things. :) I am definitely going to try to come to Point as much as possible to visit all of the great people that I have become friends with. Unfortunately, I feel that I have lost a friendship or its slowly starting to fade, but I did everything I could and I am just done trying. Its not worth my effort or time. It makes me a little upset to think that someone could just throw away a frienship like it meant nothing...but maybe thats just it...they see it as nothing. Maybe they will realize someday how stupid they were, but probably not. Anyway, I am off to work! I am excited to go home tommorow and have some down time. Life is pretty awesome right now! I have so much to do before school starts, but its ok, I kinda like being busy! :)

But Since U Been Gone, I can breathe for the first time...

chasemm — 2005-08-09T01:08:59-05:00

So all I can say is WOW, what a weekend! I left Eau Claire on Thursday and stopped by the girls house in Point to get some more orders, then I headed off to good old wild rose! I got home and helped my sister with her new computer. She got a Dell, its awesome! God I wish I had enough money to buy a new computer, but I am stuck with my laptop for another couple of years. Then on Friday My mom took me, my sis and my two cousins to Giltec(i think thats how you spell it) in Appleton and we got manicures and pedicures! It was great! I think I am addicted now. ;) My mom always does that for my two cousins for their birthdays, she takes them on a girly day out. ANd since it was actually my little sisters birthday ( she is 18 now!!) Of course she went too! I got to go to, cuz hell, I wanted too!! :) Anyway, then we drove off to Green Bay where we met the rest of my family at Lambeau Field. We tailgated in the parking lot and ate brats and drank beer. Good times had by all! Then we went to the scrimmage, or "family night" as the Packers call it. It was pretty cool. They played the buffalo bills, they couldn't tackle the quarter backs, but everyone else was fair game, so we got to see some football. The packers looked decent, but they definitely need to work on defense, seriously! Favre looked awesome, so lets hope he can pull off a great season. :) I had such a great time hanging with my family and cheering, it was great. Then after the game we went to the hotel. THe next day we went to the Tundra lodge, which is a hotel with an indoor water park. I would just like to say that I am 21, but I was 12 for the day. :) All my cousins and I were going down the water slides and playing in the water playground. It was a great time and it was nice to just be a kid for a few hours, forget about all the stresses of life. Then later we went to see Wedding Crashers, which is the best movie I have ever seen!! Seriously, I laughed through the entire thing, and so did the rest of the audience. I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a long time. Then On sunday we all went over to my aunts house for my cousins birthday. As soon as I walk in my uncle goes, "hey mal, I have a drink for ya!" and he hands me a huge glass of strip and go naked, which is vodka, beer and lemonade. Lets just say I drank slowly, cuz I didn't want to be drunk in front of my family. ;) We just basically sat around and talked, which was great. I would just like to say that hanging out with my family was such a great time and I really needed it. Its just good to know that if all your friends drop you, then you still have your family. And I would just like to say that my family is pretty awesome, of course there is some drama, but overall they are great.

Now, I have to start preparing for the semester to start. I haven't even looked at any spanish all summer and I have to start preparing for APO, but I am trying not to stress about it. Cuz then I freak out and die. haha. Anyway, I have talked enough, I need some sleep cuz either A) I am sick or B) I just have allergies, not sure which one. GOOD NIGHT!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-08-11T04:08:10-05:00

So I had a really shitty last like 30 minutes of work....so what did I do? I went to the bars with some people I work with. I didn't really drink much, but the one beer I had helped. I had a lot of fun dancing and shit, so It was a nice release from the stressful night. I would go into it, but it just has to do with food stamp cards and annoying customers and i don't want to talk about it. I am going to bed now...I am freakin tired.

I have this sad feeling right now...and I don't know why? Its probably cuz I am tired...night

no subject

chasemm — 2005-08-11T02:08:42-05:00

I need a hug.... :(

aha...water street!

chasemm — 2005-08-14T03:08:44-05:00

So I went out for the 3rd time this week....I must say thats a record for me. Sadly enough, I don't get carded at some of the bars cuz now the bouncers know me!! haha. Anyway. I figure that I really didn't do much when I turned 21. mostly cuz I was busy and I had a rough time emotionally, and I probably won't go out much this coming semester, so why not go out? I really don't drink much...well except for tonight. But i am not trashed, just good old fashioned drunk. Ya know where you just feel happy and you can't walk in a straight line...yea that. I am going to bed now. I had a great time with steve and ciara. I love the people I work with!! they are great!! :) now....I am going to pass out. :)

ahhhh...

chasemm — 2005-08-16T05:08:49-05:00

I went out tonight with a bunch of people from work, who I have been going out a lot lately. They are such awesome people! I have the greatest time with all of them. :) Well, tonight was one of the supervisor's matt birthday, 21st birthday, so of course we went to the bars. I didn't want to go, cuz I had just been out saturday, but I decided it would be fun. There was lots of dancing and to make a long story short, cuz I am tired, I made out with my manager Jason, who I have had a crush on since I started working there. And aparently he has had a crush on me for just as long. I will elaborate more later, but he is just amazing and I love being around him. He makes me laugh and that is number one for me. anyway, I am gonna fall asleep. Good night! :)

Life's pretty amazing!

chasemm — 2005-08-16T10:08:23-05:00

So I have realized that I have done a lot of "making" out with guys this summer, well only 3, but still, thats a lot for me! haha ;) Anyway, the last two guys just seemed to not work out very well, but I think this one is going to be something great. His name is Jason, and as I said early this morning, he is my manager at work. Now of course he is only like 25, so he isn't much older than me. I have had a little crush on him since I started working there but I guess gave up on it after awhile. Well last night was so much fun! I love hanging out with all the people from work, I have such a great time with them. After the bar i drove jason over to ciara's house, another co-worker that I have been hanging out with, and we sat on the porch and talked...then we went into the house and talked...then we layed in Jocelyns bed and talked....Its so weird because he got out of a serious relationship pretty much the same time I did and we are both kinda at the same point in our lives. We just get along so well and I love being around him, he makes me laugh. :) So I am really excited to see what happens next. Cuz he can't runaway, I work with him! hahaha, j/k. Anyway, he has had a crush on me for the past couple of months and I have had a crush on him too! I think that is so cool when you find out somone likes you just as much as you like them! I haven't felt this giddy about a guy since I was 16!

Other than last night, my weekend was pretty boring. I did go out on saturday too and it was fun. in fact, I went out three times last week, which I think is a record for me. I figure I only have a couple of weeks left till school starts and I might as well have a little fun before then. Cuz I won't be going out much with school.

Also, my grandma had surgery today and she is doing fine. She had to have some shoulder surgery, nothing too life threatening. I am actually going to be in Stevens Point tommorow for a doctors appointment and to visit my grandma. Also, I will be delivering some dildos to some great women as well. ;) Anyway, I am done writing a novel now. :)

Being a woman sucks!

chasemm — 2005-08-18T01:08:45-05:00

So I had the good old woman doctor appointment today, let me tell you its a great time! ;) I was told by the doctor that the two very small cute moles on my bikini line should be cut off! I was like, what???!! He says that in that area they could be at higher risk of becoming something serious. So next year I get to get that done, I am so damn excited. I also visited my grandma, because she had shoulder replacement surgery yesterday. She is doing fine, just in some pain. Then I dropped off some dildos to the girls and then I headed home. I ate some lunch then had a nap, cuz My roomie Val woke me up at like 3 in the morning....why? Well she was fucking her boy toy...then they talked really loudly! So I had to yell at them...I was freakin tired driving. So I just hung out with my mom and we finished my awesome head board for my bed! I am so excited for her to bring it on Saturday. Then I had an awesome spaghetti dinner. After I drove back to EC. I am so excited for Friday to be here cuz then my roomie Elise is moving in and I haven't seen her since January! She studied abroad then we just could find time to see each other this summer, so I am pumped. But now I am off to bed. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-08-22T10:08:05-05:00

So I haven't updated in awhile, so I will. My roomie came on Friday!! YAY! It is so awesome to have Elise here now, I hadn't seen her for 8 months! But now she is here to stay. :) Her mom bought so much stuff for the apartment, it just looks incredible. My mom came on saturday and brought the loveseat and some other stuff. She made me a headboard for my bed that is incredible! Also, we painted my drawers on my dresser and put new hardware on it, it looks brand new. Even though its like from the '80s. We also painted my bulletin board. My room looks amazing, I love being in it! Oh ad my sisters boyfriend made a painting for me which matches my room too! He is an amazing artist. So only a few little things left to buy and my room will be complete. Also, On saturday I asked my mom what she wanted to do and she was like "lets go to water street" and I was like Really? So I took my mom out to the bars. My two roomies came with and we had an awesome time! I knew my mom was fun, but shit. So that was cool. Then my mom bought me groceries and some stuff for my room yesterday. And that was pretty much my weekend. The Jason thing is going pretty well too! But I won't go into detail.......yet. haha, anyway, I have so much stuff to do today! So have a great week everyone! :)

Happy Birthday!

chasemm — 2005-08-26T11:08:19-05:00

Today is my roomates Susan's birthday! She is 23, yea she is old...hehehe, anyway. We bought a bunch of alcohol last night and are making drinks today and going out to dinner, then its too the bars! Its going to be a fun day. :) Then tommorow its Ciara's birthday and yes, of course, we are going to the bars. I am excited for that one too, because a certain boy will be there...hehe ;) But I gotta run, I have a bunch of stuff to do before the festivities begin!

Sometimes its a relief to find out you're not in love.

chasemm — 2005-08-28T07:08:30-05:00

My fun filled..and exhausting...weekend is coming to an end. I must say it was a great time! First, on Friday it was Susan's birthday. Elise and I bought corny little kid decorations and put them up early in the morning before Susan woke up, oh and the day before we bought her flowers from the farmers market and put them in her room..she loved them! :) Then we brought back a custom made cake for her that was awesome! Then it was on to the drinking! We pre-drank here at the apartment, then it was off to Water street where we partied it up! It was really fun. Unfortunately for me I had to get up at like 4:30am and be at work by 5:30. It was ok though, then after work on Saturday we went to Mall of America which was fun, but I was fucking tired. I took a nap on the way there and on the way back. Then it was round 2, Ciara's birthday. I had a ton of fun, we just danced all night! I love her to freakin death, I work with such awesome people its just great. :) Well getting up today was not so easy. I had to open again, but I only had to be there till 9:30am, thank god! I came home and slept for like 4 hours.

Now after this weekend, I definitely need some me time. So the this week is officially Mal week! YAY! I am doing some cleansing and just spending time with me. I have gotten off track in the last couple of weeks and I really need to be focused. I have so much to get done before school starts and I only have this week... I am gonna go shopping for some clothes, by myself, cuz I want to. I am also going to finish up my room, which is nearly complete! I am kinda excited for school to start, because of all my friends coming back and all the fun stuff ahead. I am not looking forward to calculus, I think I am going to die a slow painful death, but thats ok. This semester starts the hell I am about to endure with my classes until I graduate. The next two years are not going to be easy, but I am up to the challenge. I am so proud of how far I have come in the past couple of months and its amazing how much I have learned about myself. I learned a lot in Costa Rica last spring, but I definitely found out a lot this spring and summer. Its a good feeling and I wouldn't do anything differently. I have no regrets. :)

I'd rather be alone, then unhappy...

chasemm — 2005-09-01T11:09:41-05:00

So I haven't updated in awhile. Life couldn't really get any better...well I guess it could...:) All my roomies are under one roof for the first time today! We are already having a good time. As soon as I got home from work we were laughing histarically! I love it! I am excited to live with them all! YAY! Also, I am moving my sister into her new dorm room on Saturday...well I am going home tommorow, cuz I work early. She is going to UWSP! I wish she was coming here, but she needs her own thing, so thats cool. I had all these things I wanted to say...but I am tired and don't feel like typing...I hope everyone has a great first week of classes! :)

A NEW BABY!

chasemm — 2005-09-02T06:09:04-05:00

So My aunt had her baby yesterday! Her name is Eliza Evelyn and she is only 6 pounds. I can't wait to see her! We are all so happy it was a girl. We haven't had a girl in the family for 11 years, so its been awhile. :) I am going home in just a few minutes so I am hopefully going to be able to see her. Well I hope everyone has a great weekend! Damn Gas prices! :(

no subject

chasemm — 2005-09-04T07:09:23-05:00

Before I write about my weekend, I want to say something first, that is important to me. I emailed someone last week that I haven't emailed in a really long time. My friend Chris from Highschool. I don't know why I haven't emailed her, I just didn't. I apologized to her and got her up to speed on what has been going on in my life. She was so happy to hear from me. I feel so bad...she was the first person to talk to me when I started school at Wild Rose. She came up to me in volleyball practice and we were never apart after that. It makes me feel like such a horrible person...ignoring her. But I have realized now that she is an awesome person and I want to be her friend. She seems a lot happier than she used to be and I am really glad for that.

Now thats said....we can go on to my weekend. I went home on Friday after work because my lil sis was moving into the dorms at UWSP on Saturday. (And yes my Point girls, I forgot to stop by, don't hate me!! :( Things got really hectic) Anyway, so On saturday we moved her in, it was pretty painless. She is in Smith and it seems like a decent place to live, so we shall see how she likes it. Then after that my brother and I drove over to Appleton to see my new baby cousin Eliza! She is so adorable! She is my little Mexican baby! She has such tan skin and beautiful brown hair. (Her mom is half mexican) So yea, she was only 6 pounds so she is a little one. :) Thats really all I did over the weekend. Then I came home today and went right to work. I am going to hang out with Kelsey and Shannon tonight and my roomates. We are going out and having a good time!! YAY! Anyway, hope everyon has a great labor day! :)

My first summer away from home...

chasemm — 2005-09-06T01:09:06-05:00

So summer is officially over! :( I can't even believe how much my life has changed in the course of like 4 months. I have become the person that I want to be...well almost...I still have to work on that whole talking thing.. ;) But seriously, I have just really learned a lot about myself. Ben and I breaking up was the hardest thing I have gone through yet....but it was also the best thing that has ever happened to me!! No offense Ben!! :) I know you probably agree too. I just realized that I was kidding myself for so long...and I don't know why. I think I was just convincing myself that I wanted something or needed it for that matter. I have made new friends and work at a job that I really do enjoy...well for the most part anyway. I am glad that I am happy...and I am grateful for all the people that helped me get there, even if they didn't even realize they were helping me. I am excited for everyday and that makes me really happy. :) I hope everyone has a great day at school tommorow and I hope your journey through life is going as great as mine is right now!!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-09-09T12:09:46-05:00

I am too lazy to write today, but classes are going great so far...hopefully I will get the energy to write the really long blog that I want to write...but until then, I hope everyones classes went well this week! Have a great weekend! :)

drunken night....well worth it....

chasemm — 2005-09-10T04:09:31-05:00

So I am intoxicated...yes Mallory is drunk. I went out with Ciara and Jason....those of you whoe remember me mentioning Jason like a month ago...yea....pretty sure he doesnt' remember making out with me....well lets just say he will fuckin remember makin out with me tommorow...I made sure of that. I told him how I feel and said whatever he decides..I don't care..I like hanging out with him and if he wants to be with me fine...if not...fine I don't fuckin care...he really liked how honest I was with him...I don't know what lies in the future, but I hope its something good..cuz I really like him a lot. :) good night all!

Me encanta mi vida!

chasemm — 2005-09-11T01:09:01-05:00

So this weekend went really fast! All I did was work and sleep! :) Well I did go to a 3 hour APO meeting, but thats about it. Yes I did drink on Friday....way to much I might add. I have decided that I am definitely going to tone it down a bit. Its still fun to go out and have a good time, cuz I do, but I am surely not going to be getting drunk often...if ever. I don't really like how I am or things I do...I feel kinda silly and childish..ya know? So I am going to try and be a little more "grown up" shall we say. I guess I am doing the whole "turning 21 thing" like 7 months too late! haha. I just had a shitty semester last semester and unlike most people..I would rather sleep when I am depressed or stressed out than drink. I have had a great summer, and the school year is going really well so far. I love all my classes so far...My friends are fantastic, I love work and I am happy with myself for the first time in...well forever. I just am at the point where I do what I want, I put myself out there and I am myself. Thats it. I don't let things get to me as much as I used to and that is wonderful. This whole Jason thing may work...it may not...I don't know...it doesn't matter, cuz in the end I have myself, and thats ok. :) I make myself happy...everyone else is just the frosting on the cake. Well, now its time to go to work!! Have a great sunday!! :)

My cute little mexican baby!

chasemm — 2005-09-12T12:09:42-05:00

Ok, so here is my adorable new cousin Eliza Evelyn....

Is she not freakin cuter than hell?? Ok, well I am done now, I just thought I would share that. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-09-12T09:09:03-05:00

ok, so sorry the pics don't work...I will have to figure that out later today...sorry.. :(

no subject

chasemm — 2005-09-15T12:09:59-05:00

I haven't slept at all the past like week...I hope I sleep tonight..seriously. I have been so unmotivated to do things because I have been so tired. I haven't really had much to do yet for school, but I am going to crack down starting tommorow or I will surely regret it later on in the semester...

But someday you might care and I won't be there

chasemm — 2005-09-16T12:09:07-05:00

So I haven't written a meaningful blog in awhile, probably cuz I have had no motivation to do anything...because of not having any sleep! But never fear...I got lots of sleep last night! :)

Anyway, I am going to spill the beans on this whole Jason thing, for those of you who care. So as I said in one of my previous blogs, Jason doesn't remember making out with me the first time...but this last friday him and I made out again...I was really intoxicated and he really wasn't that drunk. We talked and I told him straight up that I wanted him, I think I kind of took him by surprise...its probably cuz most girls aren't that upfront..but damnit I took advantage of being drunk and open. :) So we talked and danced and that led to kissing, which led to him holding my hand all the way to my house, which is not anywhere near his house, which I thought was really sweet of him. Then we made out some more here at my place. Then he left. Well the next couple of days were weird, cuz I didn't know what to say to him and I didn't know what he would say to me. So finally I got enough courage to call him. We talked about it and basically we are just friends. He doesn't really know me that well and I thought about it, and I don't know him that well either. We thought just hanging out and getting to know each other as friends would be the best. And honestly, he doesn't know whats going on in his life right now...and I don't want to be with someone who "needs" me, I can't do that again. Anyway, we have been hanging out at Rays, the local bar here, a lot lately, but I am not expecting anything. I am just enjoying hanging out with him and my other peeps from Mega. :) So I am really happy with the way things went..in fact I am really proud of my self for calling him and actually telling him how I feel. Thats something I would have never done in the past. So that actually makes me confident...and why shouldn't I be? I am one sexy chica!!! hehe :) Anyway, life here is great...I need to get a little more motivated with school, but that will come. I think its a senior thing or something. Well I am done.

ARRGGG

chasemm — 2005-09-19T11:09:08-05:00

so my spanish teacher cancelled class....did he email us? NO! he put a note on the door, so I could have slept another hour. But I am ok, I had a presentation to do and now I don't have to do it until wednesday. woo hoo! :)

My anniversary!

chasemm — 2005-09-19T11:09:03-05:00

So I realized that this friday I believe is my one year anniversary here at mindsay! I can't believe its been that long, this last year went by so fast! I have been through a lot and I can see all the changes I have made after reading some of my past blogs. Its a great way to look back at your life and see how you were and realize who you can become. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-09-20T11:09:27-05:00

I need to find some movtivation.....I just can't seem to get myself going...its in there, I just can't do it! I seriously think I have issues....hopefully I can get things rollen soon...or its going to be a long semester... :(

interesting

chasemm — 2005-09-23T07:09:46-05:00

Ok, so I won't go into much detail, but last night was amazing! Lets just say I spent some time with someone that I have mentioned before and it was great. And we weren't drunk....well we were slightly earlier in the night, but not later on...which is amazing. I have no idea whats going on now...there wasn't much conversation about it. I am just kinda going with the flow...cuz its really the best thing to do. If something actually does happen, i will be sure to let you all know. ;)

oh yea!

chasemm — 2005-09-23T08:09:53-05:00

Happy anniversary to me!! I just realized that today is my one year anniversary with Mindsay! Amazing. I am definitely a different person than I was a year ago...but this whole last year has taught me many things and I have certainly learned and am grateful for all those lessons. But most of you know what my year was like, so no need to get into it. I am just hoping that this next year will be amazing! :)

Red hair with a curl

chasemm — 2005-09-24T01:09:36-05:00

"Don't Know How" Joss Stone

You caught my eye
And out of nowhere you appeared
By surprise and it's not like me but certainly, I
I heard myself calling for you

Could it be fate
I'm feeling butterflies
And I can't escape
And it's like a rush that's coming over me
The sight of you just takes me away

Boy you're so fine
And I wanna tell ya so
I'm much too shy
Wanna make you mine
But I don't know how

Got so much time
Your attitude, everything
You make me smile
Think I'm falling in deep for no reason why
I can't help myself yeah yeah

Friends think I'm wrong
For being head over heels
I should be strong
Should I stay and deal with it
Or should I just let go

Feeling crazy my heart beats racing now
I can't fight it
Got to make you mine
But I don't know how

Baby let me know what's up now
Ya got to show me some how, how you feel
Cause I can't take it no more
I really need to know what's good with you boy

no subject

chasemm — 2005-09-24T10:09:29-05:00

Went shopping again last night! I bought a bunch of cute stuff! YAY! Anyway, my weekend isn't much to talk about, I have just been working and doing homework. I have 3 tests and a quz next week... :( And I get to see my family on sunday. I am going over to Merrill and meeting them to go to the apple orchard! Always a fun time with my family. Anyway, I gotta clean and then off to homework!

boooo

chasemm — 2005-09-26T12:09:40-05:00

so this week is going to suck balls...seriously...I might die....but hopefully all my tests and quizzes will go well.

drama

chasemm — 2005-09-26T12:09:14-05:00

I have three boys that want to go out with me....what the hell????? I will go into more detail later, cuz I have no time today, but seriously, shit like this doesn't happen to me and quite frankly...I have no idea what to do...well actually I do...but still...weird..

kill me now!

chasemm — 2005-09-29T12:09:53-05:00

Ok, so I haven't been doing much "quality" updating, but I will, just the last week has been so freakin busy and I think I might fall over and die. :( I am so exhausted! But I brought this on myself, I slacked off for the first 2 weeks of school and just couldn't get into school mode. But now I am and so starting tommorow, I am getting my shit together and getting organized and back on track. I am doing a lot of catch up this weekend...cuz I definitely need it! Anyway, I will talk more hopefully tommorow. Sweet dreams everyone! :)

Harry Potter freaks Unite!

chasemm — 2005-09-29T09:09:30-05:00

If you love Harry Potter, go here: www.gobletoffire.com You can see the trailer for the new movie, its amazing! Just click skip intro, then go down and click on the actual word Trailer, its amazing, I am so fucking excited, I might just wet myself. :)

Harry Potter freaks Unite!

chasemm — 2005-09-29T09:09:30-05:00

you might need a minute to read this...

chasemm — 2005-10-02T11:10:13-05:00

I want to write something meaningful and interesting....So maybe I will give it a shot.. First lets talk about boys....and how much they SUCK AT LIFE!! haha, j/k....we maybe not...but anyway. So in a nutshell, this whole Jason thing isn't a thing at all. Him and I have talked a lot and he just got out of a 4 and half year relationship like a couple of months ago and quite frankly, it takes awhile to get over that. Its not that he isn't over her, its just its hard to want to be with someone else, when a 4 year relationship didn't work. It sucks, cuz he really likes me and I like him soooo much. He is just like...I don't know...we just click really well, he makes me laugh and I just love his personality...oh and he has pretty blue eyes and dark red hair.... :) I don't want to be with someone who needs me and he is being really mature about this whole thing, but I completely understand and him and I are really good friends. I am glad that I hang out with my peeps at Mega, we have such a good time together its just ridiculus. I love my boys Jason, of course, and Jared, they rock my world. And of course, Ciara and a couple other girlies that I love. The other two guys were flakes and they can fuck off, cuz I don't deal with shit anymore. :) So I am back to square one, well sort of. I have learned a lot from this whole situation with Jason and I have come to realize that I have some things I want to sort out with myself still. Also, I can't even get my shit together being by myself, how can I juggle a boyfriend too! I honestly think I am enjoying being single way too much! :)

Lets see what else, oh my horrible week of 3 tests and a quiz and god knows what else, went pretty well. I seriously studied every hour that I could, but I think it paid off. Calculus still needs to burn in hell, but I will get over it. :) I went out on Thursday, cuz I had to open all weekend and so I couldn't go out. It was a lot of fun, hung out with my Mega people. I also went to Merrill(is that how you spell it?) today with my family to the apple orchard, it was amazing. I was eating apples right off the tree! Then I had a fresh warm dutch apple pie with CINNAMON ICE CREAM!! I seriously think I wet myself as I ate it. ;) Good shit. It was nice to see all my aunts and uncles and get to talk to them....Shit, I almost forgot, I got my haircut yesterday! Seriously, I love it! I got a lot chopped off. If you watch Laguna Beach On mtv, my hair looks like Kristins! As soon as I saw her hair I knew thats what I wanted. But I think thats an update in my life at the moment. Sorry for the long novel. :)

Rain is great!

chasemm — 2005-10-04T03:10:26-05:00

So I was about half way home from class today when it started to downpour...did I have an umbrella? Of course not! So I walked home in the pouring...I mean pouring rain. At first I was pissed, but then I was like...shit, I can't remember the last time I got to enjoy being in the rain. So I enjoyed every minute of it! It just felt so good! I took off my sandals and splashed in the puddles. I feel kinda cleansed or something...or maybe just good cuz I got to be a kid for a couple of minutes. If that ever happens to you, just enjoy it, enjoy life and everything about it. There are some people in the world who never see rain! So if it rains today, go out and play in it!

Graduate school...here I come??

chasemm — 2005-10-04T11:10:45-05:00

So I had like a serious moment this week and I realized something....I don't know if Management is my passion? Like, I enjoy it and stuff, but I don't know if its what I am meant to do. So I thought about it and something that I have always wanted to do is major in Psychology. Well I didn't cause I thought that I would become emotionally attached and involved and it would be too much for me. Cuz I am already an emotional person. So I gave up....well I realized that I WANT TO BE A SEX THERAPIST! Thats right, I think, well after some research, that I am going to go to graduate school and get my masters in Psychology. I just want to help people and I feel business isn't going to let me. It will be a good degree to have for the future and I am not changing anything right now. I am still double majoring in Management and Spanish for Business. I would just love to be a Marriage Counselor/Sex Therapist. Especially after doing Passion Parties, I mean when I help someone improve their sex life, whether it be with themselves or their partner, it just makes me feel good. So that is kind of the tentative plan. I told my mom and I don't think she knew what to say. She is just worried that I will be in debt for the rest of my life and she doesn't want me to get overwhelmed. And I can see where she is coming from. But I think I have things figured out. Well, I need to get some homework done and go to bed, its beeen a long day!

:(

chasemm — 2005-10-06T11:10:35-05:00

So I got in a screaming match with my roomate Elise last night. Out of the 3 years I have known her we have never argued like this. I have never yelled at her and she has never yelled at me. She was mad that I hadn't cleaned my dishes, I said I was busy. I clean that fucking house every week. I am the only person who actually vacuums ever! I am not the only person who lives there, so no one has the righ to tell me to clean up. I was actually going to do my dishes last night when I was done with my homework..but I am going to let them sit there a little longer, cuz guess what? I don't care. I mean those dishes are from the meal I made for all of my roomates! Seriously. It happens. Its called living...things get messy, then when you have time you clean them up. I am just so upset about the whole thing, really upset. I don't think my other two roomates knew what to do, they just sat there and watched. I don't think I have ever yelled at anybody, besides my sister, like that before. It takes a lot to piss me off, I mean really piss me off. Well, guess what now, I am no longer cleaning the house anymore, I will clean my shit and thats it, someone else can fucking do it.

no subject

chasemm — 2005-10-07T11:10:28-05:00

I am in the worst fucking mood! God, I hate that. Seriously. Hopefully I get in a better mood soon....or its going to be a long weekend.

back to normal

chasemm — 2005-10-12T12:10:07-05:00

So Elise and I talked today. I have basically ignored her for the past week. I have never been that mad at someone. In fact, I have never ignored someone that long, especially since she lives with me. I am usually the one to apologize, even if its not my fault, cuz I hate being mad at someone. But this was different. I just felt so hurt by the whole situation. Every time I thought about talking to her, I just couldn't. It was probably the longest 6 days ever, but honestly, I just had to wait until I was ready to talk. I felt that if I would have done it any sooner I would have said horrible things that I didn't mean. I was the one who finally mentioned something, but it just seemed like the righ time. I just gave her a big hug and said "lets stop fighting" and then we talked and now things are back to normal. I missed her so much and I am glad things are the way they used to be.

On another note, we are having a APO social here on thursday. I have to go buy a keg, my first one! haha, I am excited. I just hope our place doesn't get too trashed. Anyway, I am really tired and I need some sleep. So I hope everyone has a great night! :)

my first time....

chasemm — 2005-10-13T11:10:31-05:00

So today I am gonna buy my very first keg!! :) awwwww.... I just can't wait!!

SUCESS!

chasemm — 2005-10-14T02:10:16-05:00

So that was the best party ever! ONe of the best pledge socials in awhile I'd say. I am completely sober, unfortunately, but thats ok I am drinking all weekend for Homecoming!

alcohol is the devil!

chasemm — 2005-10-16T11:10:59-05:00

So I got ridiculously wasted last night and I really don't know why? I really didn't drink that much, but oh well. I drank with some friends and I got to see someone that I really haven't talked to since high school...Matt Tratz!! Ben I think you are the only who knows who he is, but still. He was visiting another person from my highschool, Andrew Jones. Matt and I talked for awhile just catching up. It was really cool to see him. I think I scared him though, cuz I was slightly tipsy when I saw him and I ran up to him and gave him a big hug! haha, and Also, I don't think he has ever been around me when I have been drinking. Considering I only drank twice when I was in highschool is probably why. But anyway, that was cool. Then I puked my guts out in my friends lawn and puked some more this morning. And I had to go to work feeling really sick. It sucked. I don't think I have ever gotten that wasted in my life...and I hope it never happens again! But now I am tired, I have a spanish test tommorow and I am getting up early to study, cuz I am way to tired to do a lot of it tonight. :)

Bleeding for a cause

chasemm — 2005-10-19T07:10:57-05:00

So I gave blood today, pretty sure every time I give blood I get dizzy. Actually, I think I would have been fine, but at the end they have to fill up a bunch of viles, ya know to test your blood and my blood wasn't coming out too great, so he started twisting the needle and stuff and it hurt and everytime he filled up a vile of blood it would pinch, so then I got really queasy and they had to rush over and make me breath in a bag... :( but that bag thing really works, let me tell you. :) But My week is almost over..I had an interview with Target today for an internship, I think it went well, but we shall see. Anyway, I am tired, so I am gonna take a quick nap, then its off to study!

did I do all this for nothing?

chasemm — 2005-10-26T10:10:53-05:00

So I thought this feeling of not being passionate about my major would go away. I thought that it was just the annoying management class that was making me rethink things. But alas, I am still thinking about it constantly! I just have this fire burning inside me that wants to get a degree in psychology and help people. Thats all I have ever wanted to do is help people. I just feel that maybe business isn't my thing and I was just doing it becuase I couldn't decide on anything else. I really really want to be a marriage counselor/sex therapist and I am not sure of everything that I would have to do to get that, but I am going to find out soon. I just don't know what to do. I just have worked so hard for what I am doing now that quitting would seem like such a waste. I think after doing research I will know more, but until then I guess I will continue with Mangagement.

Well Its off to homework now! :)

My women will love this!

chasemm — 2005-10-27T03:10:39-05:00

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
> following reasons:
>
>     I do physical labor
>     I work at great depths
>     I plunge head first into everything I do
>     I do not get weekends off or public holidays
>     I work in a damp environment
>     I do not get paid overtime
>     I work in a dark workplace that has poor
> ventilation
>     I work in high temperatures
>     My work exposes me to contagious diseases
>
>
>
> Dear Penis,
> After assessing your request and considering the
> arguments you have raised, the administration rejects
> your request for the following reasons:
>
>     You do not work 8 hours straight
>     You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
>     You do not always follow the orders of the
> management team
>     You do not stay in your allocated position, and
> often visit other areas
>     You do not take initiative - you need to be
> pressured and stimulated in order to start working
>     You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
> your shift
>     You don't always observe necessary safety
> regulations, such as wearing the correct protective
> clothing
>     You'll retire well before reaching 65
>     You're unable to work double shifts
>     You sometimes leave your allocated position before
> you have completed the day's work. And if that were
> not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
> leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking
> bags.
>
> Sincerely,
> The Management

Oh man....god I am whore

chasemm — 2005-10-28T10:10:22-05:00

So to make a long....well its not really a long story I guess, anyway, Last night I kissed my supervisor.....No, not Jason, Jered. I mean, I don't have any feelings for Jered AT ALL! He is like our cock block at the bars. When a guy that we don't want starts to dance by us, Jered just pretends to be our boyfriend, its actually quite nice. But anyway, I was just dancing with him and I was pretty horny and so was he. I told him that we should just make out and forget about it in the morning, and he was like ok, but not here in the bar. So I went outside to talk to my roomate who was also out and when I came back in Jered just grabbed me and took my outside to the alleyway by the bar and just started making out with me. So, its funny, but it really turned me on! I have never had a guy take charge like that before. I mean I don't want to date Jered, but still, big turn on.

But seriously folks, I am starting to become the Mega Whore....oh yea, I made out with Ciara too, like tongue and everything. She is girl # 2 that I have kissed now. Wow, I need to tone down a bit....well mabye I will soon. ;) Anywa, My mom is coming today and I gotta get ready! :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-10-30T03:10:16-05:00

I had a great weekend. My family came up to visit me friday and Saturday I worked then went out and had a pretty good time. Tommorow its back to the grind and getting a bunch of homework done. :(

lost...but not really

chasemm — 2005-10-31T09:10:33-05:00

I don't know how to explain it....some minutes I feel so lost in my life and others I feel so put together and ready to take on anything. I know that this happens with life and its going to continue to happen. I just don't know what to do about certain things in my life. Like this overwhelming need to become a sex therapist/marriage counselor. You may laugh at that statement, but its so true. I did a little research today and even emailed a sex therapist from the website for Sex therapists about what I would have to do to becomem one. Just part of me doesn't want to go back to school, but the other part of me feels that I might regret not following what I feel is my passion. I have come to realize that my life is still under construction and I have a lot of things to figure out about myself and about who I am going to become. I am just in a really odd place right now, which isn't a bad thing, but I feel like I am in a transitional phase in my life. Like any minute I will become who I need to be. I think also, May is slowly creeping up on me and I will have to say goodbye to 4 really good friends of mine and it makes me sad just thinking about it. I knew it was coming, but these past 4 years have gone by so fast, I thought highschool went fast, college is much faster. I mean, I am almost 22 years old!!! YIKES! But I am not afraid of getting old, just afraid of not fufilling my dreams or living up to my full potential.

VAGINAS BE ENVIOUS!

chasemm — 2005-11-01T11:11:30-05:00

Guess what I just bought tickets to go see?? Thunder From down Under!!! WAHOOO! For those of you unfortunate people who don't know who they are, or you are a penis, they are beautifully sculpted men from australia who dance on stage for women like me!! I am so excited! Ciara and I are driving to the cities on Saturday to go see them! I cannot wait! Ok, I am done with all the exclamation points, I am done. :)

a little change....

chasemm — 2005-11-02T11:11:06-05:00

Today I got my hair highlighted! YAY! I love it! My hair is just the perfect blonde now. I just got subtle blonde highlights to lighten up my hair color. It was starting to look a litttle like dirty water blonde and thats ugly. :) So I am very happy. Nothing much else to say.

Why is a Australian Kiss better than a French kiss?

chasemm — 2005-11-08T10:11:05-05:00

Because Australians go down under!!

That was what one of the beautiful australian men said at the show on Saturday. I would just like to say that my $18 was well spent!! Ciara and I drove to Roseville on Saturday to pick up the girl who told us about it and then we headed off to Medina Theater. The show was amazing! They are the hottest men I have ever seen and they shook their beautiful asses on stage. Now I have always thought that a thong on a male is just sick....but they definitely changed my opinion on that! They had the hardest most beautiful asses I have ever seen and it was just orgasmic...seriously. And the great thing is they came out into the crowd, even to the back and we got to touch them and put dollar bills in their thongs!! I touched their asses....my life is complete I can die now. ;) Its funny...because guys like that are beautiful, but I would never date anyone like that. I just don't "like" beafy guys. I like a big teddy bear. Plus they are probably really vain and who wants that?? I like average guys, cuz they are usually the most fun people to be around anyway and I love someone who I can laugh with and be myself.

On another, less naked men note, I didn't get the Target internship for the second time. I seriously did the best I could, I was relaxed and I knew the answers to the questions, I don't know, but I think if they don't give to me after the 3 time applying I am going to be done. So I have to look into other options...and I know some. School is going...I just really get mad at myself because every semester I don't get the motivation to do well until like half way through the semester and by then its kind late to bring up grades significantly. Maybe I will get with it before I graduate....who knows. I also think I am going to study abroad in the summer of 07 in Mexico. So instead of graduating in May I will graduate in August. I just need to, but only if I have money left from my loan. But there is nothing much else going on here..just living life and trying to do my best in things.

life sucks sometimes

chasemm — 2005-11-13T03:11:18-05:00

I hate not being able to get what I want the most....life just isn't fair sometimes.... :(

life has a way of fuckin with you...and its starting to annoy me!

chasemm — 2005-11-16T03:11:39-05:00

I have come to realize a lot of things lately. First, I am over the past, completely, I mean I have been for quite some time, but just haven't realized it until recently. I am glad, because I love my life right now, even though there are some things still bothering me. Second, I wish that things could just be, why do things have to be so complicated? Why can't you just be with someone that you want to be with, especially since you know they want to be with you also. I hate it sometimes, because its all I can think about and I don't want to get hurt and I want to get away from it and stop thinking about it, but I can't, it just won't go away. I hope things change, because its starting to become difficult for me, I just don't know what to do? I will be fine and things will work out in the end, but my mind just doesn't stop and its starting to make crazy. But isn't that what life is all about, having feelings, even if they make you nuts? We shall see what life brings to me, I have so much fear and hope for the future, but one thing I know, I am gonna do what I want to do and have fun doing it. :) One more thing...I am driving to appleton on friday to see Harry Potter on the Ultras screen...yes I am dork, but I don't care, I am so fucking Excited!!!!!! :)

the song of my life right now.....

chasemm — 2005-11-17T11:11:38-05:00

"Unwritten"

Natasha Bendingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

no subject

chasemm — 2005-11-22T12:11:44-05:00

My hell week is over, only a small assignment due tommorow and thats it. I am going out tonight for Kellie's birthday..should be a freakin good time! I am also meeting a boy out tonight while we are there....won't go into detail until something actually happens, so we shall see!! :)

Something meaningful

chasemm — 2005-11-24T02:11:01-05:00

So I have been crazy busy lately! And finally I have a minute to write something worhtwhile. Lets see, where do I start??

Well, first with school. Its hard to say whether I am feeling good about this semester. I don't think I am doing bad, but I am not doing extremely well. Here is the thing, it seems like I need to start doing bad for me to get motivation to do good. Its kind of annoying. I wish I could just start out the semester getting good grades and continue that throughout the entire semester, but alas, after 3 years I still can't get it right. Oh well, there is always next semester right? I am really going to try hard to get my GPA up, because I really really think that I am going to go for it and go to graduate school to become a Sex therapist. I got an email back from a real sext therapist telling all that I will have to do. Its not a lot of schooling, mainly lots of clinical hours working with patients. You have to have so may hours before you get your license. So yea, its not concrete, but I just want it so bad and I know I would be good at it and would definitely enjoy it.

Lets see, what else? Personally, its hard to say. I just feel like I am really happy with my life, but I also feel under construction, but aren't we always under construction? Maybe we are, but I am really feeling like I am learning so much about myself and about life in general and I am actually changing my attitudes and behaviors. I am still single, but I have a really good feeling that it isn't going to last very long.... ;) I am not really sure, but yea. I won't go into detail until something actually happens. I am in no hurry and things seem to be progressing somewhat. Its really hard to say what it is, but I know and so does he, its all on him...when he is ready, I will be waiting. Plus, I just honestly don't care at this point. If someone wants me, there are going to have to come get me, cuz I am quite honestly sick and tired of the one doing all the "chasing" I want a guy who calls me and wants to genuinely be with me. So I have decided to stop being the puppy dog and just let things fall into place. And honestly, I should have done that ages ago, cuz it really makes things easier.

Work is going pretty good, I might get an internship at the Human Resource Department at Mega Pick N Save(where I work) so that could be interesting. I probably won't get paid, but I am the one that asked and I am willing to do a little on the side for free, if it can get me experience. I will still work my supervisor position and maybe another job, not really sure.

I guess that is all I have to say right now, I am tired and I have lots of stuff to do tommorow. I get to go home friday and see my family then, we are doing Thanksgiving on Saturday. :)

Ahhh turkey day!

chasemm — 2005-11-28T01:11:35-05:00

I had a great Thanksgiving!! First, on Thursday, thanksgiving, I didn't go home, because my family is weird and we didn't have our dinner until Saturday. So anway, Ciara and I had a Thanksgiving Pizza and drank 3 bottles of wine! It was great! Then Friday, after I worked in the morning I drove home. I just chilled out with the Family then on Saturday all of my 26 aunts, uncles and cousins stopped by for some good food! It was great, we talked a lot and had a lot of laughs. I love my family, there is never a dull moment with them. I learn to appreciate them more and more everytime I see them. :) I also got to see my cute cousin Eliza, who is chunky and adorable! Also, her brother Max repeats everything you say, which is kinda cool and freakin cuter than hell! Then I drove back today and worked for 9 hours. That was the extent of my weekend. I can't wait for Christmas. Now I have to get through the next 3 weeks and life will be ok. :)

One more thing!

chasemm — 2005-11-28T02:11:29-05:00

Also, I almost forgot, My knee has been killing me! Usually it hurts a little, like when I run, but its been hurting for the past couple of days straight and I couldn't sleep last night because of the pain. I think if it doesn't get better soon I am going to the doctor, I hope nothing is wrong, I don't have the patience for a surgery right now. :(

I am afraid....becau... of you..

chasemm — 2005-11-30T06:11:28-05:00

You know that saying "Things happen for a Reason". Well you know how you hate it when shitty things happen to you, but love it when good things happen to you. I would just like to say that I live by that statement, even though there are times when I hate it. Seven or eight months ago, I hated that statement. Because of all the hurt I was feeling. I felt that life had cheated me and somehow it was all my fault. Sadly enough there was a short time when I thought I would never be happy again. I hate to even say that, because it show how stupid I was, but it’s the truth. But in the end after I dealt with everything and slowly began to get things that I had lost back I realized what a good thing it was for me and for somebody else. One thing though that I have to say that I lost and am not sure that I have back is trust. Just the thought of being with someone else makes me terrified, because they have the potential of breaking my heart. If I can help it, I don't want to EVER feel that way again. BUT, if I don’t take a risk, then I might never find that special someone. Yea, maybe I will get hurt again, maybe 4 or 5 more times, but in the end it will be worth it. You just have to jump and hope you reach the other side.

With that said, life has dealt me someone special. Someone that makes me feel a something that I thought I would never feel again. The only problem is timing, timing is what is keeping us apart….well sort of. Here is the thing, he wants me, I want him, he got out of a 5 year relationship 7 months ago, he’s not sure if he is ready for another relationship. We have agreed after a couple times of hooking up that we should just be friends. Well lets just say we have been doing things that aren’t considered friend things and its starting to confuse the hell out of me!! Now, before some of you start saying that he is using me, stop right there. He isn’t, and even if he was, it wouldn’t matter because I am getting something out of the deal too! J I am really trying not to get emotionally attached and so far I am doing ok. I mean I still like him a lot, but am trying to keep my distance. I want him to come to me, I am done doing the work. And quite honestly, it really works. The more you play hard to get the more a guy wants you. I guess all boys like a challenge I guess, who freakin knows. I have learned that I am a little too forward, especially in the past, so I have decided to seem interested, but back off. And quite frankly it makes life so much easier!! J I don’t know what is going to happen. I don’t want to force him to do anything. And if we did start to date, we will go extremely slow, because I learned from the past that rushing and making promises just make a break up that much worse. I am just going with the flow with my life right now. I don’t want to worry about marriage and shit. I have things to do. If I find someone I like, I will date them. If not, then I will be single, simple as that. I am just not the same person I was a year ago and I am really really happy about that.

Activation

chasemm — 2005-12-02T10:12:32-05:00

Today I am going "camping" in Rice Lake for APO. Its time to Activate my lil pledges!! I am excited! :)

I must face my one demon

chasemm — 2005-12-05T12:12:39-05:00

I have finally figured out what I need to do to help me be whole. I am never going to have a healthy relationship with a guy unless I do it. I have to talk to my dad. I have to tell him what a horrible father he has been and how his absences has effected me so much. I just need to, no matter how he reacts. Its been on my mind for so long and its come to a point where I just can't go on for much longer if I don't. So wish me luck.

Because of you....

chasemm — 2005-12-05T12:12:09-05:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did   
 I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery  
 I will not break the way you did   
 You fell so hard   
 I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far     
  
 Because of you   I never stray too far from the sidewalk   
 Because of you   I learned to play on the safe side  So I don't get hurt   
 Because of you   I find it hard to trust   Not only me, but everyone around me   
 Because of you   I am afraid     
  
 I lose my way   And it's not too long before you point it out   
 I cannot cry   Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
  I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh  Every day of my life   
 My heart can't possibly break   When it wasn't even whole to start with     
  
 Because of you   I never stray too far from the sidewalk   
 Because of you   I learned to play on the safe side   So I don't get hurt   
 Because of you   I find it hard to trust   Not only me, but everyone around me   
 Because of you   I am afraid     
 I watched you die   I heard you cry  Every night in your sleep   
 I was so young   You should have known better than to lean on me   
 You never thought of anyone else   You just saw your pain  
 And now I cry   In the middle of the night   For the same damn thing    
  
 Because of you   I never stray too far from the sidewalk   
 Because of you   I learned to play on the safe side   So I don't get hurt   
 Because of you   I tried my hardest just to forget everything   
 Because of you   I don't know how to let anyone else in   
 Because of you   I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty   
 Because of you   I am afraid     
  
 Because of you  
 Because of you
  
 "Becaus of you" Kelly Clarkson

no subject

chasemm — 2005-12-07T03:12:34-05:00

Don't know if I wrote this or not, but its my blog..so I will write it again. I have decided, I think, on going to graduate school. I am going to get my masters in Marriage/Family counseling. After that, I will go through all the training AASECT (American Association of sexual educators counselors and therapist) makes me go through to become a Sex therapist. I don't know if I want to do both or maybe I will just be a Marriage/Family counselor, that I can't decide until that day comes, but this is the plan for now.

On another note, mainly my life, its really odd when you feel yourself changing, I mean really feeling it. I am really starting to focus on things that need it and realize the mistakes I am making. Granted, I am sure I will continue to make mistakes, but I think I am actually learning from them finally. We shall see how it goes. I kinda just want 2005 to be over, there have been some highs, but way more lows and I am ready to leave that all behind and start fresh in 2006.

Also, I think I am going to start a blog that has sex tips and info on it. WHY?? Cuz I want to and I think it would be fun for me and people can learn from it. So look for that soon!

no subject

chasemm — 2005-12-07T10:12:20-05:00

I would just like to say that if you have friends that you know truly care about you and accept you for who you are, then you should tell them things, no matter what you did or said. No matter how different their beliefs or lifestyles, always open up to them. If they are your true friend they won't care and they will probably just laugh at you. :)

no subject

chasemm — 2005-12-10T03:12:03-05:00

Life is a mess right now, but I am not saying that I am unhappy....quite the contrary. I just feel so disorganized, probably becuase I am. I have so many plans and so many things that I want to do that I am just slightly overwhelmed. I just have one thing I need to work on, sticking to a schedule. I am good at planning, but horrible about sticking to it. That is my goal for the couple of weeks that I have off before my winterim class starts. Work on staying organized. I think its going to take some work, but I really feel I can do it. I just want my life to be better and I need to start thinking, really really really thinking about myself. I am such a people pleaser and I give in all the time. I need to find a way around that. I hope I can. The next year and a half is going to be busy, but exciting. I will be taking mostly management and spanish classes so I will be very happy about that. Except for accounting and finance, but I have no choice. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling right now. I just feel excited, free, I feel like I am becoming the person that I was meant to be. I feel like I have never known myself so well and I am excited about who I am and know what I need to work on. I am just really happy on the inside and now it is time to put it to good use and show everyone the new me, because 2006 is going to be my year. 2005 was such learning experience and now I feel I can put what I learned to good use. I have so many goals and of course I will be sharing them with you all soon enough. Also, I am working on my new blog that will be all about relationships, sex and much more! So stay tuned for that. :) Good luck on finals to those who have them.

Packer Game!

chasemm — 2005-12-11T02:12:42-05:00

So I am so excited for tommorow! Jason, Ciara, Heidi and I are going to the Packer game! Its gonna be freakin awesome, so if you are watching the game look for me. :)

Finally.....

chasemm — 2005-12-15T01:12:41-05:00

So I am no longer single!! :) Jason came over the other night and we talked about everything and he pretty much said that he wants to be with me. He has realized over the past couple of days especially that he just likes being around me a lot and wants to take it a step further. I think being able to hang out with him all day sunday really did it. We went to a Packer game and Ciara was pretty much sleeping the whole time, so that left Jason and I. We talked a lot and had a great time listening to Music. I also think meeting my mom and stuff might have had something to do with it too, but I am not really sure. It was just great to hear him say that he wants me. I just like him so much and I hope it all works out. I have never been able to be 100% myself around anyone that I have had feelings for and thats what makes me like him so much. And the fact that he likes the real Mallory is freakin awesome too! He just has everything I am looking for and its really exciting to think about whats going to happen next! So thats that, I now have to worry about finals, so good luck everyone! :)

:)

chasemm — 2005-12-20T03:12:59-05:00

I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW! Things are going so well with Jason that I am just bursting with joy! I know that its the beginning of things and there will be rough times later on, but I know that and the rough times will work themselves out. I am just really excited about the whole thing and I look forward to everyday! I feel like things are coming full circle for me. I have been figuring out who I really am and figuring out who I want to be and found a great guy who treats me exactly how I want to be treated. So life is good. :) Just gotta get through the rest of my finals....

End of the Year

chasemm — 2005-12-23T11:12:07-05:00

Ok, so I guess I will hop on the band wagon and write a little on my year. All I have to say is I met a lot of awesome people, cried a litte...ok a lot, learned some hard life lessons, met a wonderful man, and got a really decent job. That about sums up my year..I could write more, but I am too lazy. I am just really happy and look forward to the new year. I still have some things I want to work on, but that will come with time. I think dating someone 4 years older than me might help with that. :) I hope everyone had a great year and hope to see people I haven't seen in awhile.

Oh yea, Jason bought me and him Fallout Boy tickets for Christmas!! We are going Feb. 19th, I am so freakin pumped!! WOO HOO!! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

A new year, a new perspective and many exciting things to come....

chasemm — 2006-01-11T10:01:34-05:00

Well, I haven't updated in awhile, so I am going to break down whats been going on in my life lately. Ready here we go!

First of all, Christmas was great! I went home for four days and spent some quality time with the family. I went to see Tran-Siberian Orchestra and they were freakin amazing! The guitars and the orchestra and the special effects were freakin ridiculous! So that was awesome. That was the only exciting thing I did at home.

Also, I signed up a new consultant under me for Passion Parties so now I have two consultants under me. Its a lot of work with school and my personal life, but I am slowly learning how to be organized and effective. I haven't done many parties lately, but I have a few lined up for February, so thats good. I just haven't had the time to do any with school and my new relationship.

Speaking of my new relationship, I have no complaints, NOT ONE! Things are going fantastic, I just stop for like a minute every day to appreciate what I have been given. Its something I deserve and something that I have wanted for a long time. Jason gives me everything I need and so much more and I have told him many times how much I appreciate that. I know down the line things will get more complicated and we will probably have arguments, but I think if we stay open and honest with each other, things will work out. He is just a really wonderful person and I am very lucky to have him. :)

Also, I am taking a winterim class right now, Human Resource management to be exact. I LOVE IT! This is what I want to do when I graduate. For those of you who don't know what Human Resource managment is, well I will tell you! Basically, Human Resource people in companies hire people, make sure managers and supervisors are not discrminating or basically not breaking any laws where an employee can come back and sue the company, working with supervisors and managers on how to keep employees happy, dealing with unions and so much more! Some of you may think that sounds boring, but I love it! I am doing really well righ now in the class. We take a test everyday on a chapter, which I think is a great way to give tests! The last test I got one of the highest grades, which never happens to me. This proves to me that I really enjoy this stuff and I am good at it. Also, I talked to my human resource manager at work and asked if I could intern with her this summer, whether it was not paid or paid. She said she would talk about it at the HR meeting. Well she did and they all decided that I should do it! They just have to convince the President of Mega that he should let me. I have to type up what I want to learn from the internship and what type of hours I want. They were thinking of letting me re-do their job descriptions that they have, which would be super cool and a great experience! I really hope they for sure let me do it.

Lets see, I think that is abou it. I have been doing well with my exercising and eating well. I just really let myself go the last couple of months and my goal for the year is to lose 30 pounds. I know I can do it and I will. Also, I am trying to be more focused and organized, which has been hard to do, but I am slowly getting there. I am really excited for my birthday which is in a week in a half, Saturday Jan. 21. Some of you Stevens Point people should come visit me! We are going to action city which is a huge indoor gaming place. They have go carts, laser tag, climbing wall, arcade games. Its awesome! Well I am going to stop for now. I have to get back to class. Hope everyones new year has been great so far!

ITS OVER!!!

chasemm — 2006-01-20T10:01:43-05:00

Two things are over today. First my winterim class is finished. I think I did pretty well, considering I was sick for the last week. I rocked my presentation and did damn good on my handbook. My test were pretty decent too, so I am expecting at least a B+ or better. Also, today is the last day that I will be 21....its kinda sad ya know. Oh well, tommorow is my birthday and I have the whole weekend off work! Its gonna be great and I can't wait to hang out with all my friends and just have a great time. Hope everyone has a great start to the semester on Monday!

Birthday

chasemm — 2006-01-22T10:01:40-05:00

So my birthday weekend was great!! Saturday was a bunch of fun, but sadly I didn't get drunk!! I know, sad right?? Hey, I tried. :) Today My mom, sister, her boyfriend, my brother and grandma came up to visit. Jason came along and they got to meet him. Things went really well!! :) I am not so happy that the semester is starting tommorow, but what can you do. I only have 2 classes, so it won't be too bad. Well I have to work at 6am tommorow, so I am gonna go to bed soon. Good luck with classes everyone!

Life after 22.....

chasemm — 2006-02-03T12:02:43-05:00

So I haven't updated in awhile, so I guess I will give a review on whats been happening in my life.

First, my winterim class. I got an A-, which totally made my year! I worked my butt off and I was sick for a week of it. I kicked its ass! :) The start of this semester is going pretty smoothly so far. I am actually getting finance, which is pretty scary to me, but hey thats good right!? My teacher is still sick, but we have had subs for two classes. two classes have been canceled, which is kinda sweet. I am keeping up on my homework so far and hopefully I can keep it up for the entire semester.

My 22nd birthday was awesome! Went to action city, which is a large indoor gaming place, with an indoor go-kart track and lazer tag. Then it was out to eat with some close friends and then out to the bars. Sad thing was I didn't even get a buzz!! I had many shots and a couple of drinks. I ended up driving my roomates home,ha ha. I think it was all the food I ate right before hand. Oh well, I still had fun. :) Then the next day my mom, grandma, sis, and bro came to visit. Went to action city again for my bro and then to Olive Garden. It was a fun day.

Things with Jason are super! I still have no complaints. He is wonderful. He has everything I want in a guy, I honestly can't find anything that I dislike, well except for the smoking, but thats fixable. He wants to quit, so its not like he doesn't want to. I just decided lecturing doesn't work, so whenever he is ready, then he will quit. I think its hard to not be with someone just because they smoke. I don't like it, but I have learned to deal for now. I just feel so comfortable around him and we just click so well, there is never an awkard moment. I feel like I have known him forever and its like God made him just for me. :) I know that may sound corny, but thats how I feel.

What else? I still don't know if I am getting the Mega internship yet, I hope I do. Work is going really well, I making some damn good money now so that is super sweet.

I would just like to end with one thing. You know you are old when everyone around you is getting engaged! Not that I am any hurry, but wow. I am really at that point in my life where people start to get married. Its kinda scary and exciting all at the same time. I can't wait for that day, but I just don't think I am ready for it, at least not for a couple more years anyway. Well I am done for now. Hope all is well with everyone!

ahhh, losing weight

chasemm — 2006-02-10T09:02:58-05:00

So it has come to my attention that I have let myself go....I mean really let myself go. I have gained 40 lbs since coming to college!! 40 lbs!!! That is utterly ridiculous and I am disgusted with myself. I am not unhappy with who I am, I am just not happy with how unhealthy I have become. So Tuesday started weight watchers and today started going back to the gym. So far I am doing really really well. I think this time I just know that it must be done and I want to do it. So hopefully in the next few months I will shed some poundage and be ready to wear a swimsuit by summer. :)

This is what they meant by really scary decisions...

chasemm — 2006-02-21T12:02:12-05:00

I have been thinking a lot lately, thinking about how unhappy I am with my major. I know, perfect timing right? One year left and I want to change my major. I have really thought it out and I just don't think my passion is business. I think I am good at a lot of things and I also think I would do a great job in Human Resources, but all I want to do is help people. When I think about doing psychology I get excited, I don't get excited about business. So starting this fall I will be a Psychology Major and minoring in Business Administration and Spanish. So that means maybe being in school for an extra year or so then its off to grad school for 2 years. So I will be like 28 by the time I am done!! Its so scary, but it feels right, it really does. I feel relieved and excited! I wish I would have realized this sooner, but oh well. My mother is going to flip out, but she needs to know that this is my passion. When I am done with my undergrad I will be going to UW Stout most likely to get my Masters in Marriage and Family Counseling. Then after that, who knows!! I have thought about being a guidance counselor or opening my own practice. I am not that far yet. But thats the big thing going on in my life right now. Well I should get back to work....ahhh making $8.25 an hour to do nothing!! I love it! :)

So I did it

chasemm — 2006-02-24T03:02:19-05:00

The other day I did it...I told my mom about my decision to change my major. As I expected she flipped out, but I told her everything and she was ok. I think she needed a sedative, but yea. I know she is just looking out for me, she doesn't want me to be in debt forever, but I also would rather be in debt forever doing a job I love then having a little less debt and do a job I hate. If I cared about money I wouldn't be going to school, yea I should care, but I am not throwing away money. Its an investment and I am going to get a return on that investment and my mom just can't see that. I guess I am going to have to show her or make her realize that college isn't a big waste of money. Well I guess it is if you major in something you don't like......

This world is fucked up!

chasemm — 2006-03-08T10:03:46-05:00

Where do I start!! First off, I can't really say details, but I really want to talk abou this. There was a situation in a group I am in and it involved something serious. People could have been hurt or even worse. We had a meeting last night to discuss the status of this person in our group. It was ugly, very ugly. One thing, people in my group are stupid, well only a few. People wanted him to stay, even though he put all of us in danger. Honestly, the sad part is that if someone would have gotten hurt, the decision would have been clear, no discussion. I hate how this world works, why does someone have to get hurt or die before we take action?? Why not fix the problem before it becomes serious. It is so frustrating to me! People want to be the hero and in this situation that is just plain ridiculous! I am considering quiting because I feel I just can't uphold what my group stand for if this individual is allowed to stay. Yes, we are "punishing" him, but he is allowed to come back next semester. Ummm hello!! He shouldn't be in our group ever!! He broke our trust and betrayed us all, I don't care about his personal life, the point at hand was he put people in danger, plain and simple. Seriously, this is just a shitty situation. We are revoting tommorow and I hope the decision is different or I am no longer going to be in the group.

VACATION!

chasemm — 2006-03-15T02:03:20-05:00

I haven't blogged in awhile, so I will do a quick update. First of all, the whole thing from my organization was resolved and everything is back to normal. Thank god. Also, I am going down to Florida on Saturday with my bf Jason! I am super excited to get out of Wisconsin and spend some quality time with him. We are going to be staying with his mom, who I will be meeting for the first time, for the week and meeting up with my friend Amber from Alabama. She is going to be in Orlando at the same time, so we are probably going to go to Universal studios with her and her friends. Then most likely we will go to a beach and who knows what else. We are going to leave friday and head back up here to go to my hometown to visit my family. So it is going to be an eventful weekend and I hope it never ends! I hope everyone has a great spring break and be SAFE!! :)

no subject

chasemm — 2006-03-17T01:03:30-05:00

Off to florida for a week!! Have fun everyone and be safe! :)

Sunshine

chasemm — 2006-03-21T02:03:12-05:00

Hey, Florida is wonderful!! Its 85 degrees right now! I am lovin it! I am having a great time with Jason and his mom is really awesome. I went to downtown disney last night, which is a bunch of bars and clubs, and met up with my friend Amber from Alabama. I have known her since 1st grade and we had a lot of fun. Today we are just bumming around and going to Ocala, Florida to ride some go-carts. Tommorow we will probably either go to Sea World or one of the Disney parks, not sure yet. Then thursday it is off to the beach! Then friday we have to drive back. We are stopping in Lynchburg, Tennessee to see some Jack Daniels and then its off to my moms house for the weekend. Well hope everyone is enjoying their spring break!

life...as I know it

chasemm — 2006-04-08T09:04:10-05:00

Well it has been awhile since I have updated, so I decided to talk a little about whats been going on. First, I did go to Florida with Jason and had the best time ever! We drove my car down and so that was fun. I got to meet his mom for the first time and she kicks ass. We go to go to Orlando and we went to Sea World. Overall it was just really relaxing and fun. I needed a break for sure. Jason is the most wonderful man on this entire Earth and I am so lucky to have him. I feel like god just made him for me, I can't complain about anything and that is just freakin great. Other than my huge trip, I really haven't been doing much lately. Trying to finish off this semester and be done, preparing myself for my 4 best friends to graduate, and working. I am excited to move into my new house though. My room is huge and I have some awesome plans for it. Lets see what else. Oh I went to Mall of America yesterday and bought an amazing gown for the Viennese ball here on Campus. Its basically like prom, but people from the community go and you actually have to know how to dance. You can waltz, salsa, polka and all sort of other ones. They make Davies(our common building here) look gorgeous! I have always wanted to go and I am going with Jason and Elise and Kellie and their dates. It should be a fun time.

Oh yea, so I interviewed for my HR internship at Mega and found out that the HR girl from the east store quite, so whoever gets the internship pretty much is the HR person fro East. I would be doing the hiring, benefit packages, coming up with ideas to improve the store, stuff like that and it starts right away and lasts forever I guess. Its not just a summer thing. Its between me and another girl so I am keeping my fingers crossed. It would be such an awesome job. I know I am doing Pyschology now, but I need to have a job during grad school, so HR is what I want to do for awhile. So hopefully I find out soon. Well I am done babbling now. later.

Concert....

chasemm — 2006-04-15T11:04:46-05:00

So Jason and I went to the Fall Out Boy concert last night. It was kinda funny, cuz he lost the tickets, so we had to finda scalper and buy from him. It ended up being cheaper and better seats, so it turned out ok. The line up was The Hush Sound, From First to Last(who suck in concert!) Hawthorne Heights, All American Rejects and Fall Out Boy. I must say, Hawthorne Heights did their thing and were awesome! As did All American Rejects, but sadly Fall Out Boy wasn't the greatest live. They didn't play together very well and it just didn't sound that great. It was a little disappointing, but oh well. It was cool to see All American Rejects, I love them! But yea, now I am headed home for today and coming back to Eau Claire on Sunday. Happy Easter everyone!!! :)

Coheed

chasemm — 2006-05-10T05:05:41-05:00

I went to see Coheed and Cambria on Monday with a bunch of people from work. If you have never heard of Coheed or never have seen them live, you need to. They are fucking amazing! They have three CD's and I highly recommend all of them. The 2nd album is my favorite, but they are all good. You should definitely give them a listen if you haven't already. :)

Forever

chasemm — 2006-06-12T02:06:16-05:00

Well its been forever and a day since my last update and I thought, since I finally got my internet to work, that I should write some stuff. First off, my semester. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great. It was a struggle just to finish it. Changing your major in the middle of the semester just doesn't help your motivation. Also, I think my work schedule really effected my performance. I am going to make sure that I make my availability more "school friendly" this fall. Also, I don't have an 8 am class this fall either. I only have 4 classes and two of them are going to be no brainers. My other two, which are both psychology classes will be some work, but I am ok with that. I am so glad that I changed my major. I feel so good about my decision and just wish I would have done it sooner. I will now take 6 years to get my undergrad!! :( But I will graduate with a Psychology major, Business Administration Minor and a Spanish Minor, so not too shabby. Then its off to grad school, hopefully at UW-Stout, who has a fantastic pysc program. I think I am going to go into Mental Health, but I am still not sure. I really want to work with teens with self esteem and eating disorders. Also, I would love to work with families as well. I really really want to open my own teen crisis center or something to that affect one day. Probably after I have popped out a couple kids and they are in school. :) I applied at Heinz Psychological Services for their office assistant and I am hoping to get it. I know a woman who is a psychologist there and she is talking me to them. Also, her parents own it, so I guess I made friends with the right person. ;) Who says you can't meet important people at bars. :) She is dating one of the bartenders at the local bar that Jason and I hang out at, so we got to talking and now she is helping me in any way she can with my school and career.

So that it for my professional life, now for the personal stuff. I am still with the love of my life, Jason. We will be celebrating 6 months June 14th. And a fantastic 6 months it has been. I couldn't ask for anyone better. He is incredible and know that I will be spending the rest of my life with him. Things just work between us with little effort. Words can't even describe it. I never thought I would find someone like him and for once in my life, God gave me something special. Also, I moved into a new house and its a little old and there are some bats, but otherwise I love it! My room is massive! I have been slowly going through all of my crap and getting rid of things and organizing my life! It feels really good and I feel really good. Well that is all for now, I have things to do!

Long time coming....

chasemm — 2006-08-23T07:08:07-05:00

Wow...I haven't blogged in a very very long time. I haven't really needed to write. I have been incredibly happy. Not that you shouldn't write about your happiness, but usually when you are happy you don't need that outlet to write. I have had a pretty uneventful summer. Except for my trip to Alaska. It was amazing. It is visually stunning up there and I hope everyone can find time to travel there. Other than that I got my only wisdom tooth pulled, which was just lovely! :( But all is well now. I have been working a lot and hanging out with my boyfriend Jason. I am living in the Green Bomb this next year with 5 other girls. The house is a very ugly green and thats why we call it that. Its an old house with many problems. I am going to have a very long stay here I can see. I love all the girls I am living with, but I almost wish I was living by myself. I am quite honestly sick of sharing things. I plan to live with Jason next year which I am super excited about. It was a big decision for me and I put a lot of thought into it, but ultimately decided that its what I want. I am going to spend the rest of my life with this man. He gives me so much joy and happiness. I couldn't ask for anyone better. We just fit each other well. Its almost scary how great our relationship. I am waiting for something bad to happen...I hope it doesn't and I don't think it will.
I am really excited about school......yes I said it...I AM EXCITED ABOUT SCHOOL! I am so glad to be taking psychology classes and learning about helping people. I even started looking through my textbooks. Yea I know I am a geek. :) I am still doing passion parties and have started getting my business back up and running. Getting my name out to anyone who will listen. I will succeed with it.
Well, thats all that has been going in a nutshell with me. Maybe I will update soon....